So I went to my Junior Prom last Saturday with this girl who I’ve liked for about 2 months. We didn’t talk much before, but I didn’t see why she would say “No”. I mustered up the courage to ask, and low-and-behold she excitedly accepted. Leading up to the dance, we gradually talked/texted each other more and more. I have one class with her, and although she sits on the other end of the room, I made an effort to talk to her for a few minutes before (or after) class almost every day. I felt like we were hitting things off pretty well. The day of the dance comes, and it was honestly one of the best times I’ve had in my life. We danced, talked, held hands on several occasions, and she even rested on my shoulder (my arm around her) on the ride back home. I felt great! The next day I get a text from her saying how she “had a great” and that “it was nice to go with someone who [she] could be just good friends with”. Taken aback, I wasn’t sure how to respond. I consulted with some close friends and after a little under 2 hours, played the “I was gone on a long run and just got your text” card. (She knows I run track/field). I texted her back, apologizing for seeing her text so late, and said that I was glad “I got to spend it with someone like you”. For the past week, contact between us has been at a minimum (Normal compared to before I asked her to prom). I’ve only talked to her about 4 times, usually a simple “Hi” during passing period. I haven’t talked her in my Spanish class since (given how far away she sits). I feel torn. It’s been awkward on my part approaching her since the text. I really thought we were going somewhere. On the other hand, I want to play this as mature (in my opinion) as possible, and realize that we can still be friends. It’d be difficult to adjust, but I see no reason why we can’t be friends. I mean, I don’t want to be like “My way or the highway”. Overall, I just don’t know how I should interact around her. How often can we talk? How often should we talk? How about texting? Should I make an effort to at least talk (or just “Hi”) once a day? Can we ever hang out as friends? What kind of relationship should I maintain with her (for now)? Given my barrage of questions and length of this question, this situation is a very foreign area for me. Hell, asking a girl to a dance was pretty new (my first dance was Prom :D ). I’d really appreciate some advice as to how I should go about with this. Thanks!
You've correctly identified the situation: You've been friendzoned. Nothing else to do at this point other than be a friend if you want.
Does she have a sister or a hot BFF?
she has an old sister in college. and she's the only person in her group who i'd want to have a relationship with. but do you suggest i be friends with her? i'm still adjusting to our new relationship, and like i said, i wouldn't mind being "just good friends". it'd just be hard to get used to (for now).
Never accept being in the friendzone, muster up the confidence to tell her how you really feel. You don't want to be the guy a few years down the road wondering why you never went for it. But when you ask her be confident, stand tall, and pay attention to your body language. Women really love a confident man. Even if she says all she wants is your friendship, you'll never have to live with the regret of having never told her.
See, I think that she must have a sense that I like her, so she friendzoned me for what could be a number of reasons (not ready, not interested, etc.). And frankly, I'm not really comfortable confessing those feelings for her yet (given our new relationship). Is there really that big of a problem with us being just friends? I still have feelings for her, but don't know how to go about it.
I'm just speaking from personal experience. I'm 25, when i was in high school I had a friend who happened to be a girl that i had a huge crush on. We talked all the time from sophomore year until graduation, and we attended prom together Junior and Senior year. After that we went our own ways. I always regretted not asking her out, but just recently we became friends on Facebook. The first night we chatted for hours, around 30 minutes or so after we had said goodnight she sent me a message asking why i never asked her out. Almost 7 years of regret and that just made it worse for me. Unfortunately for me she is engaged so now it's to late for me to do anything about it. I figured I would pass on my mistake so no one else would have to go through the same, but if you're okay with being in the friendzone that's your choice. Just thought i would share my opinion.
Wow, I appreciate the extra input, that's a really touching story. But I guess I don't feel comfortable doing that yet, and am also worried about how it will change our relationship if I'm denied. Do you really think I should confess so soon?
What relationship? What are you not comfortable with?
You have no relationship. You have a girl you have feelings for who only sees you as a friend. That isn't a real relationship. Its a false one and one that is going to do nothing other than waste your time like what happened to Chacho.
Why are you not comfortable now and what are you waiting for? Bite the bullet man and do what you have to do.
I hear what you're saying. When I say "relationship", I mean it in the most basic sense. Anyway, I've taken in a lot of the advice put out here and talked to my friends about this (again). And I've found the direction that I want to go with this, I just need to act on it. I want to start talking to her more again, and soon enough offer to go out on a date. So I'll definitely have to "bite the bullet" and overcome the inner demons in my head that are holding me back.
I think she already know how you feel and isn't interested. Maybe she isn't ready to date or maybe just isn't feeling compatible with you. I think your best move is to move on. I don't see being friends working at the moment since you are way too into her and that isn't going to change just because you can't date her now.
Move on. Hang out with the guys. Another will come along. Or maybe this one will make up her mind and come back looking for you. If she asked why you've moved on, be direct. Don't lie. Tell her you have feelings for her and that isn't going to change by being "just friends". Tell her you have no bad feelings towards her but the "just friends" thing isn't going to work. Then stop texting, fb, emailing, chatting with her and move on.
I can relate. True story: A few years ago, I invited a woman I liked to accompany me to a friend's wedding. I knew her from a course I was taking and thought she was attractive, so was using this as the first opportunity to ask her out.
On the way to the wedding, she said, "Hey, maybe we will both meet someone we like at the wedding!" Pretty funny, huh? I was shocked and didn't know what to say.
For a few months after the wedding, we would occasionally hang out, but I was always thinking of it as a "friend thing", so never tried to take it further. One night, we were at her place and she started to sit really close to me on the sofa, looking kind of soft and seductive, and started stroking this pillow that was on her lap. Clear signal! But at that point, I was so much in the "friend" part of my brain, that I didn't act on it. And we stopped hanging out a bit after that.
Now I hear that she got knocked up by some guy and is a single mom living in another state. Too bad for her. And too bad that I took her statement at the wedding seriously when she said it... (But I have a beautiful wife now, so not complaining!)
My take on this: Women don't usually know what they want. Sorry to disturb the ladies who come onto this site, but the evidence points in that direction. And as guys, we have to have the balls to go after what we want, patiently but with determination and strategy. If she says "Absolutely not!", then respect that. But if she says "I like being friends with you," consider that a "maybe" with room to grow.
BTW: I gave up being friends with women a long time ago. I connect with women for business projects all the time, and that's fun and beneficial. But gone are the days when I would spend hours hanging out, listening to their woes, and then going home alone. Part of respecting myself as a man is respecting that I enjoy being attracted to women and having a sexual vibe be part of my rapport with them.
I agree with Nick H's comment: Hang out with the guys. Let this girl, and then others, realize that you are a guy worth dating, and not just a guy worth having around like a pocket book. There are enough gay boys out there who just want to be friends with women, don't fall into that trap.
Good luck and keep your balls on!
Just tell her how you feel and ask if she feels the same. Worst case scenario, she doesn't and you two stop talking (not like you are talking much now any way). She may have friendzoned you because you never made a move. I mean, come on you're at prom! Should have tried for a kiss or something to make it a night she remembered.
I wouldn't suggest sticking around if she doesn't have feelings though, simply because chances are yours will grow for her causing you to want what you can't have. If it does come to that, take the loss, move on and find someone more compatible! Best of luck.
You had your date, she decided no.
That is all it is. In the future that date might be coffee, out for a few drinks at the bar, a walk in the park, could be a concert, could be anything. It could be you saying those lines the next time.
You had your date, you had your fun, and she has made up her mind.
If anything, stay friends to learn a bit more about women. Get her to be your wingman. But please for the love of god, don't do the confess your love routine. You took her to prom, and she said she just wants to be friends.