I met her about a year ago, and we really hit it off. She had a boyfriend and was transferring schools, but we kept in touch all year. A while after she and her boyfriend broke up, she and I started talking more. Skyping and chatting online, and everything was great, we really clicked well. She told me she loves talking to me and wants to see me soon.
Anyway, she comes to visit to see a bunch of her old friends, and she tells me that she's seeing me for sure. She can't wait to see me, ect. We hang out all day together, and then before she leaves she and I kissed and agreed it was long overdue and we'd both been waiting to do that for a while.
A week after she left, we skyped and she was talking about me coming to visit with another one of her friends. I asked her if she was going to be my valentine, in a flirty sort of way, she said yeah, and then I called her on V-day. I thought that would be a nice thing to do. She didn't answer or get back to me. I give it about three weeks (this is a usual amount of time for us not to talk due to our own lives at school) and haven't heard from her, so I text her saying "we haven't chatted in a while, lets Skype!" She agrees, and makes plans for the weekend to talk to me. The weekend comes, and she's no where to be found again.
I'm very confused. I don't know if I overwhelmed her, or what happened. She seemed to be very into me, very excited to see me, wanted to see me again, wanted to talk to me right after she left, and then she just vanished. I'm not sure what else to do. She and I have been friends for a while, and I really like her. I don't know if the context of our relationship changed, and then visiting seemed like a huge deal and it freaked her out or what. Any insight?
TL;DR: Kissed my friend, tried to keep in touch and she won't talk to me.
thanks for reading guys
There are those people in this world who are emotional cowards. By that I mean they're there when things are good, feelings are positive, etc. Yet, when there's dirty work to be done, breaking off a relationship, or any thing that hints of conflict they disappear and hope the other person 'gets the message' without them having to actually tell you that it's over.
I suspect from what you've told us, that's what's going on here. When you have her 'on the spot' she's agreeable to just about anything you suggest, but once she's away from you she'll do what she really wants.
My advice is that you drop it and walk away. If she really wanted you she'd be calling you, and pursuing you as much as you are to her. Her voicemail isn't broken, she's getting all her emails, her computer hasn't crashed, her cell phone isn't out of range, she wasn't in the shower when you called... She simply does not want to be involved with you and hasn't the kindness, or respect for you to tell you. She's hoping you take the hint and spare her the uncomfortable but mature act of telling you to your face.
You deserve a woman who treats you better.
I agree. Drop it and walk away. Never mind why she's backpedaling, accept that she is, and is showing colossal insensitivity while doing it - which is not what you want out of a relationship, is it?
Yep. It's done.
Forget about her. Move on. Her lack of communication will help you to do this.
I think you're supposed to put the TL;DR before the TL:DR part.
Don't either of you know how to talk on the phone? Do you really need to make an appointment to talk? ............Kids nowadays.
"Why haven't you been talking to me?" is a good one.
The simpler the better.
Silence is simpler still. In almost every situation in a guy's life it makes most sense to pursue his desires aggressively. When it's unrequited - well, that's just embarrassing. Besides, she's being rude.
I'm going to depart from what a few people said.
I think you've done enough. Anything more and you will cross over into the desperate category. Maybe you are desperate, I certainly have been, but acting out of desperation NEVER leads to a happy ending.
So my advice, don't say or do anything. The ball is in her court. The next time she texts or emails (which may be a while) you should wait a day or so to respond. You have a busy life too and it doesn't revolve around her.
I'm with David on this one. You've done enough. If she doesn't get back with you, then it might just be time to move on.
It seems like you only really have two options... send her a message asking her what the story is, or don't say anything. I don't think either one is a terrible thing to do.
judge her by her actions. she doesn't want to pursue. if she did she would