Feeling special
Men,
I've been in the same relationship for about 2 years now, and it is my longest one in a while. I feel like I have things out of perspective. I know that I'm in charge of my own happiness, but I find that I don't feel special anymore. Spending time with my girlfriend feels like we're nothing more than friends because she communicates her feeling more through conversation than with physical contact. And I'm not talking about anything sexual, but just every day contact that you might share with someone that you're in a relationship with.
Because of that, I feel like I really could just be any random friend of hers instead of her actual boyfriend. Is this something which everyone goes through? I mean, I know that the infatuation phase will wear off, but because of how her actions have changed it feels like I'm dating a different person. I can't help but feel a little doubtful of the whole relationship because of this. I mean, is this how I'm supposed to feel for the next however long? I sincerely hope not.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on -
Is there any reason you can't initiate exactly what you're looking for? Hold her hand. Curl up with her on the couch. Greet her with a hug and a kiss. Put your arm around her when you're just sitting around. Walk up behind her and kiss her neck just for the hell of it. Initiate the non-sexual romantic contact you're wanting.
First of all, you'll get what you're looking for. Second, it may actually re-spark things. Typically, women require a few intentional non-sexual touches a day to feel loved. Maybe she isn't giving it to you because she isn't getting it from you. She's feeling "friendish" because you're both acting that way. So, stop it.
It is normal for infatuation to wear off. Men get lazy. Women get distracted. If you want it to last, you have to act with intent.
JB
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Permalink Reply by David on
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Right with you Jack. I try those things and they receive anything between a mild "that was nice" to "I don't feel like being touched". Which I can understand, all of us need space at one time or another, but the not being touched has become the norm. I'll hold her hand and she'll give it a squeeze and then release it. When I mention that I would like more contact, she responds that it's not how she works and that she's trying to meet me half way, but it feels more like 95/5.
I think it's a matter of, can I get used to this kind of attention in a relationship or do I am I constantly going to be unsure and needy when I don't receive what I need to know that everything is okay.
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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on -
I think people take the concept way too seriously, using it as a rubric for understanding all human interaction, but you and your girlfriend may benefit from learning about "the five love languages." There's lots online, and there's a book.
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Yeah, I think people do too Rebekah, but it's tough to argue with when I fit directly into two of the categories.
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Permalink Reply by SteveSF on -
David,
I don't have anything new to add, but I agree with Jack. Are you giving what you hope to get? I think being able to talk is key to a relationship, can you also talk about what would reignite the spark? Have you asked her what it would take for you to reignite her spark? Have you tried to make her feel special?
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