I've decided to post in this forum because I feel that other members here will share similar values / ideas with me and understand better than most where I'm coming from.

A little background info: I have a phobia of dancing. Not slow dancing with my wife, just the "freestyle" type that is common at most wedding receptions and clubs. I don't enjoy it, I'm not good at it and it stresses me out like no other when other people expect me to do it or drag me onto the dance floor. I know I'm not alone. I bet at least 30% of men feel the same way I do.

Anyways, I need your help and opinions. A good friend of mine has asked me to stand in his wedding. No problem. Should be fun right? Then it dawned on me... At every wedding reception I've ever been to, the groomsmen and bridesmaids are "introduced" to the guests at the start of the reception, and then they "dance" to the head table with pumped up music playing in the background. The thought of having to do this in front of 100+ people I don't know makes me want to kill myself. 

So here's my predicament. I have to do it. Short of breaking an ankle, I have no way out of this. My question is what should I do? If I simply walk up to the head table with a smile on my face will people think I'm being rude and a "party pooper"? I also don't know whether or not I'll be introduced by myself or with my bridesmaid partner from the ceremony. How would you guys handle this if you were in my shoes? I just can't bring myself to prancing in there like a fairy to the tune of some current top 40 song. I can't see James Bond doing that? I can't see Indiana Jones doing that? The point I'm making is that it doesn't seem very "manly" to enter like that. I'm more concerned though about ticking off the Bride and or the guests. 


Views: 3038

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

If you don't want to dance to the table, then walk with style to it. Walk like James Bond while your bridesmaid partner makes a fool out of herself and they all look at her instead.

Or make a deal with the bridesmaid partner to do something similar. You're Bond, she's [enter name of Bond Girl here] and you pretend you're leaving the dinner party and heading to the Aston Martin. Wear matching baseball caps so they look at your head, not your feet. Or tango or waltz to the table (which could be pretty funny to a Rihanna or Gotye song); throw a turn in there if the mood hits. Be different.

Either way, it's only 20 seconds (which can be an eternity, granted). Own it with style; fake confidence and no one will know how much you worried about it. Good luck!

Try speaking with the other party members since they possibly feel the same as you.  Wedding planners can be told "no."  At least they might be willing to change it to a respectable slow dance or Waltz if most of you all mutiny.   Solidarity. 

You will still probably have to dance so be a gentleman and ask the flower girl or other very young lady to dance.  You will make a little girl's day and no one will care how badly you dance.

For that matter none of the 100+ care if you dance or not.  I can't imagine anyone's opinion that I would care less about that a self proclaimed dance critics.  Every man in the 100+ will feel your pain.  I understand that a phobia is an irrational and UNCONTROLLABLE fear but a sense of humor is a psychological self defense system - make a joke out it somehow to bolster yourself.  The other groomsmen probably feel about the same as you do so maybe all wear LED flashing cufflinks, superhero T-shirts, funny hats, etc....? 

The fake cast thing's good.  I might steal that one someday. 

Consider what you would expect of your groomsmen if it was your wedding and what is unimportant to you.  Make the occasion memorable, photogenic, and fun for them. 

Here was my attitude when I was planning my own wedding: Some person will think you're rude no matter what you do. If they let you hear about it, they're definitely the more-rude person.

If you just smile, you'll look good enough for pictures and like more than 30% of the photos of such situations I've seen. The guests don't care (one of many reasons I skipped such huppla at my own wedding). If the bride cares... Actually, she won't be in the room when you walk in. The bride and groom come last.

Neither James Bond nor Indiana Jones kept a woman for very long.  And if those two never stepped outside of their comfort zones, their movies would be pretty boring. 

Between now and then take some time to learn a couple simple moves and just repeat them over and over until you reach the table.  Or just strut up to the table bobbing your head a snapping your fingers. 

The best way to not be afraid on the dance floor is to have dance lessons.  There's nothing unmanly about dancing -- it's a great way to socialize with women!

But if you don't want to, it's unreasonable for anyone to expect it of you (except a date you take to a dance!).  I like the idea of just smiling, being polite, and walking with dignity.  That should get you a long way.

Thanks for all the help everyone. Lots of great suggestions.

I've decided to take the plunge and take some dancing lessons. Fingers crossed! The wedding is 2 weeks from today. Hopefully I'll feel better about it with some lessons under my belt.


I agree with Will

   I would say you should evaluate  how  much time you would like to spend being prepared, I have a working knowledge of ballroom,  blues, e/w swing,  some latin  and have worked on dance prep for  wedding parties. Here are a couple of steps you may find helpfull

Step 1.  Have a good time whatever you do, If you "mess up" just roll with it

Step 2. Know the music playlist or better yet the song that will be played. 

Step 3. figure out something that works for you!

When you know the song or playlist let us guys know and maybe we can help you find something that works? 

Kyle my friend, this will not be as difficult as you think. I can't dance (heck, "they", my future-in-laws, made me agree to take ballroom dance lessons - i ended up having a blast) and have successfully endured numerous weddings (only one of them my own). Who cares what Bond and Jones would do? OK, they are cool, but jeez, let's start smaller than trying to be the coolest international spy or artifact collector ever.

Here's what to do: if you drink, bring a hip-flask and take a couple of good belts about 10 mins before you are "on". Wear the biggest pair of cheap sunglasses you can find. When your turn comes, swagger in like you own the damn place, in rhythm to the song they are playing. Perch one clenched fist boldly on your hip, snapping the fingers on your other hand while staring into the distance. Wearing a tux, you will be cooler than that thrift shop down the road. You may find that you enjoy it.

Important life skill: care about what your loved ones think- everyone else can fend for themselves. Do not worry or obsess anymore. It never does you or anybody else a bit of good to waste time with needless worry.


"Elbows six inches from the waist, 90 degree angle. Don't you bite your lip!"

Just walk. 

If you have to do it, you have to do it.  Plain and simple.  Be aware that you *will* look like an idiot, and that's true whether or not you're a good dancer.  Dancing, especially to a high energy style of music, looks like a controlled seizure.


You might practice these moves.  Any nerd will immediately understand the reference.


Latest Activity

Peter O'Reilly replied to Eric Lindberg's discussion What is the manliest job you ever had?
"I work as a land surveyor.  For one year I had a fly in fly out job in northern Labrador, Canada.  If you want to talk about cold, come talk to me.  Try a cold where if you breathe in too quickly and deeply, ice crystals can form in…"
58 minutes ago
Shane replied to Peter O'Reilly's discussion Fasting and Intermittant Fasting
"My default state is 16/8 IF. I've gone 30 days without food. I wouldn't recommend going for long on just water, too many health risks."
1 hour ago
Jesse Dean replied to Jesse Dean's discussion What Would You Do?
"Yes and since that is their only team, it is everyone's team. It is like their professional football team."
1 hour ago
Peter O'Reilly posted discussions
1 hour ago
derick bean posted a status
9 hours ago
Paul H left a comment for Tarquin Anstruther
"Hey Tarq, sorry I had loaded up the page but was busy elsewhere! The wedding won't be until mid next year! Talk soon! "
9 hours ago
Luke Marrott updated their profile
10 hours ago
R. Max 2.0 replied to Jesse Dean's discussion What Would You Do?
"Nebraska has a team? Must be 6 dudes and a goat. "
11 hours ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service