I have a conundrum. I apologize if the post is garbled but it's hard to put this stuff into a good order.

My girlfriend is expecting and encouraging me to get her dad a gift on Father's Day. We've been in a relationship for three months but have known each other for years. I brought her mother flowers on the Saturday before Mother's Day since we were going out to dinner together to celebrate her brother's college graduation. I think flowers are different from a gift, a NY Giants spatula in this case. She has already picked out a funny coffee mug for my dad.

So... what do I do? Go with the flow? Resist? Because it feels downright weird to me and slightly inappropriate because I am not his son nor will I be anytime soon. She is definitely a keeper and I do care about her a lot but it's only been three months and the "L word" has not been said.

Any help is most appreciated. Thanks.

Views: 1165

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

It feels weird to me too.  I think a good answer might be, "That feels weird and inappropriate -- as if I were trying to get on his good side.  I don't want to send that message."

Or you could let the "gift" be that you and she take him (and presumably her mother) out to eat:  shows generosity, but doesn't feel like a bribe.

Does she participate in any other gift-giving to non-relatives for Mother's Day and Father's Day (at the office? at church?)?

3 months does seem soon, etc., etc., but gift-giving and holidays are major areas where otherwise similar families can have very different customs. For example, my in-laws give cards for many occasions for which my family gives gifts, including Mother's Day and Father's Day. My family hardly ever gives cards.

It sounds like you're looking at pretty small amounts. Even 3 months into a relationship, these are the kinds of things my family would be giving and receiving just-because (or because we like shopping) or for whatever holiday comes up next. It sounds like your girlfriend might be like the women in my family, in which case, her father knows the deal (that the gift is really from her), and I'd recommend just rolling with it.

[OTOH, my now-husband gave me a pair of earrings when we first started dating that I physically can't wear. Now, a couple years later, I said I was going to give them to someone who could use them. He told me they were actually from his mother, and we'd better keep them. So the father could be clueless like me.]

Sounds weird.

I've been married over a decade (and dated my now-wife for nearly 5-years before that) ... and I've never bought my wife's parents gifts for father's/mother's day.  They're not my parents or the mother of my kids ... so I don't see why I ought to.  Actually, I don't even personally buy them gifts for Christmas or birthdays ... my wife does, from our whole family.  Father's/Mother's day gifts aren't even designated as from the family, though.

Maybe its just a "so, that's how it is in their family" sort of thing.  Talk to her.  Tell her that's not how you've done things, and so you're a bit uncomfortable with it.  If she's hellbent on it, let her pick something and put your bloody name on it (preferably along with hers).


The dinner idea ain't terrible ... though I'd still just rather take them out for dinner for no reason at all than to actually take him out for father's day.  Its like taking my friends' wife out for Valentine's Day.  Yeah, its a hallmark holiday.  Yeah, she qualifies to celebrate it.  Yeah, she ought to go out.  But ... not with me.

JB

You did set a precedent with the flowers the day before mothers day. I know that there was another event not directly related to mothers day but a connection could be made. If the spatula isn't really expensive or at a similar price to the flowers. . . it follows the precedent. Now a big screen TV would be out of the question. It also (maybe falsely) give the impression that you know something or understand something about her dad. And, everyone likes to  be appreciated.

This seems weird to me too.  He's not your father, nor is he likely to be your father-in-law anytime soon.  Picking up the tab or buying him a drink could be passed off if you and your lady were out with him, but a gift seems very strange at this point in the relationship.

Thanks for the quick feedback, everyone.

I spoke to mom and she leaned to the no gift but then I spoke to my dad and leaned to yes. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, but to do what I feel is right... kind of. I feel that I shouldn't but my girlfriend feels otherwise and many things come down to her. It's not that big of a deal and not a big gift ($25). I'm gonna give him the gift. As my girlfriend said, it's good to have more points and the more with her dad, the better.

Now... how to wrap it...

Tissue paper and a box. It's really the only way to do it nicely, and I've tried others.

That sounds good, thanks.

Does he enjoy a drink?  How about getting a six pack of good craft beer or a bottle of scotch or something, then sit down and have a drink with him while you watch the game or grill some brats or something.

 

RSS

Latest Activity

Liam Strain replied to Lon R.'s discussion "The Most Objectionable Part of the Bible" in the group Gentlemen Apologists
"Speaking only from my own experience, I have not seen that to be true. But I certainly recognize how if your early exposure to the book is via Sunday School mis-tellings of the most fantastical parts of the book, it would be hard to shake that first…"
13 minutes ago
Chris O posted a discussion

Finding your Purpose/Passion

Evening Gentlemen,Recently, life has thrown some colossal curve balls my way. Things I never expected to happen, well... happened. To be completely honest I've found myself all the way at the beginning of the metaphorical "level" with a clean slate.  This has been incredibly freeing and allowed me to spend some time exploring things I previously would never have done. After going through a really hard breakup of a long term relationship, and dealing with my parents going through some very hard…See More
32 minutes ago
Julian Ross replied to Paul MacAlindin's discussion Privilege is invisible to those who have it
"You dont think that its pulling up bootstraps.  It's also access to resources, people being changing there outlook towards disenfranchised people and being more aware of other people.  I think the individual story is great, but its…"
43 minutes ago
Chris O updated their profile
56 minutes ago
Sir replied to Zachary Stucki's discussion How do we inform more people about ISIS?
"Maybe a more useful question is, What do we do about it? I'd say military action is out for now.  The White House is determined to have no US boots on the ground, and has cut off weapons to the Kurds at times (I'm not sure about right…"
56 minutes ago
Tyler M. replied to Zachary Stucki's discussion How do we inform more people about ISIS?
"I think we just obliterate all of them so that there's nothing to inform people about. :D"
1 hour ago
Carl Monster replied to Paul MacAlindin's discussion Privilege is invisible to those who have it
""I want to succeed, I want to be able to afford new cars, I want to afford to go on vacation, I want a nice house...  And the stones to do what it takes to make those wants into…"
1 hour ago
Jason Cunningham joined Tyler Jacobs's group
Thumbnail

Heavy

All about lifting the heavy stuff. Strongman, Highlander Games, Powerlifting, Olympic Weightlifting etc.See More
1 hour ago

© 2015   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service