Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by The Earl of Essex on February 20, 2012 at 2:49pm

I personally feel like I'm staring at people too much.  I read somewhere once if you have problems maintaining eye contact then you can focus on looking at one of the person's eyes.

I do this and it really helps-  it means your face is facing the person your talking to and you are looking into the eye of the other person yet it deminishes that aggressive factor.

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Permalink Reply by Morgan on February 20, 2012 at 5:45pm

I quite agree.  Occaisional eye contact broken with a nod or smile etc. has always worked for me.  Boring in on someone like a cyborg doesn't inspire much ease or a basis for commonality.  I in fact take it as a definite sign that the guy has some sort of problem which I may not be able to define at the moment but is often some sort of power trip.  Some of the biggest jackasses I have known have been characterized by the "stare down".

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Permalink Reply by Craig McCurdy on February 20, 2012 at 4:43pm

Pick an ear and look at it it gives the impression that your lookin'em in the eye and they'll never know.

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Permalink Reply by Liam O. on February 20, 2012 at 5:16pm

I'm sure eye contact is as important as brett says, but its a lost cause for me. This is partially because I'm fairly hard of hearing and usually I'm lip reading when I'm speaking to someone, whether or not the situation (read: background noise) necessitates it, out of habit.

The other reason being that if I notice oddities in my eye contact, or think about it, I wind up either staring at someone without blinking like an utter psychopath, or I spend so much time thinking and trying to time it properly that I completely miss what they're saying.

I think its a "you have it or you don't" thing...

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Permalink Reply by Will on February 21, 2012 at 8:17am

When I was in my 20's and 30's I could not do eye contact.  It was too intimidating.

After my entry weekend into ManKind Project (see the New Warriors AoM group for more on that), I could.  I felt like a man, and worth inhabiting my own skin.

My point is that it's not a technique; it's an attitude, internal, and for me it took a sudden break from a lifetime of feeling intimidated.  When you feel confident, eye contact will be easy.  (I speak to OP; other posters apparently have different issues.)

"I'm afraid of people.  Awful bother, when you consider how many of them there are about."  -- Getting It Right.  Quote from memory.

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Permalink Reply by Stein on February 21, 2012 at 8:40am

In my line of work eye contact is essential. People need to know you are listening, interested, and not intimidated. Try to make sure you are looking a man in the ey when he speaks to you. It's okay to look away from time to time. But not focusing or avoiding a man (or woman's eye) displays a level of disinterest or sometimes fear that can be avoided.

Stein

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Permalink Reply by O'Neal on February 22, 2012 at 9:14pm

I usually make eye contact off and on during a conversation.

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Permalink Reply by Shane on February 22, 2012 at 10:15pm

I never make eye contact.  I just stare intently over the other person's shoulder for the entire conversation.  Sometimes cocking my head to make certain they know Ï'm stairing over their shoulder and not looking at their ear.

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Permalink Reply by Chris P on February 23, 2012 at 2:53pm

In my experience a great benefit of eye contact comes from being able to read a persons reaction and respond appropriately. Faking eye contact may help a little, but you will be cheating yourself in the long run.

To avoid the stare down i make sure i am being expressive (e.g. showing interest, doubt confusion) this allows the other person to read your face, and not just focus on the eye contact.

Over time it becomes more natural, the important thing is to make the effort.

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