So my ex and I have seen each other and talked twice in the past 6 days. We talked for hours and got along so well, the chemistry was there and it felt like how things were before they went south.
We hadn't talked for about 2-3 months since the breakup, and it was a mutual one. I know she loved me, but had a hard time accepting it and became possessive. Right after our breakup we started having sex again like a week after and then decided we needed to completely break things off.
Well now we're gonna try "taking it slow" and I don't really know how to treat it because I know this girl so well. We we're texting a bit but decided there's no need to talk everyday.
She said she missed me, was lonely, forgave me for the past, and wanted to wait a while before hooking up because it didn't work last time.
I was thinking I'll just let her contact me and just lay low. I want to do something for her birthday or valentines day but I'm not sure if it's too soon.
What makes this different than last time?
completely thought things through and understand how i need to be in order to fix things...
i just want her to be happy, my ego is out the window.
i want to spend my life with this girl and i now know that.
This has nothing to do with this post, but I've seen Dale around the forums for a while. What's the deal with your (Dale's) profile pic? There's gotta be a story there somewhere.
It looks like a prison mugshot.
I should know, I'm gay, but a tough hombre.
...little girl screaming as an avatar aside...
"cheesy words like sex..."
Dude what? Looks like someone's trying to rationalize dropping their standards.
Sluts and hos?
who the hell are you? you're out of line and crazy
Probably, but he's right about going back there being a bad move. Don't do it, man. It won't end well.
It might be best to disregard Dale. Physical attractiveness has little to do with the person inside, so it's no use to just disregard hot and sexy women. It seems like Dale had some nasty experiences that he needs to deal with. I hope it gets better for him.
What you need to do though, is figure out if the things that splashed your relationship last time are truly gone. Analyze the crap out of it. I've made the mistake of thinking they were gone, and they weren't. Be absolutely sure, because apparently there where good reasons the relationship didn't work out.
You say your ego is out of the window. Is it? Is it truly? A certain ego is a part of who you are, not something you can just 'throw out'. Make damn sure the troubles have gone.
Valentines day or her birthday are very tricky. If you are very sure of what you're doing (posting on this forum illustrates you are not), you can use these dates for a big romantic gesture. Otherwise, take it very very very slowly.
If stabbing yourself really fast hurt, do you think you can avoid the injury by sticking it into yourself slowly?
It didn't work. It won't work. This girl is looking for a guy with no self-esteem who'll take all her crap and thinks your perfect. She went too crazy and actually awoke what little bit of self-worth you have and you broke it off. This time she'll make sure you are better on the hook before she tugs on the line.
People don't accidently become possessive. Some people just are.
You've made two mistakes. You had sex when you were still emotionally connected to her and thus now think breaking up was a bad idea. And two, you've stayed in contact with her.
Don't waste your life. Dumb her and move on.
"became possessive." Run to the hills, run for your life!
Not that I agree with Dale's style of delivery but the gist of what he is saying I'll agree with.
1. "...understand how i need to be..." WHAT? If she is the possesive one, if she was doing something that made you not-that-in-to the relationship then why is it you that has to make the changes? A relationship, while not all 50/50, is a compromise, both of you have to change to make it work. If she isn't willing to make the changes or at least some of the changes then she needs to hit the pavement and you need to run the other direction fast. Being the only one required to change will only serve to make you unhappy in the long run and you'll end up apart anyway so why not just do the break now instead of later when you're old, fat, and bald with a bad ticker from all the stress caused by a bad relationship?
2. "My ego is out the window"... Again WHAT? You say that now but your wants, needs, and desires should be as important to her as hers should be important to you if not run away fast. You both have to get something (other than sex, which may or may not be great) out of this relationship other than subservience. If it is all about her, in her mind, then it's none about you and it should be at least some about you for both of you. A relationship is a partnership and both parties have to give and take.