I'm an ENTJ personality type and have noticed that sometimes people dislike me without getting to know me. Not a lot of people, but a small segment of women, mainly.

They seem to form opinions, inaccurate but cemented in their minds about me.

I've been told that my confidence (some say arrogance) and presence are notable and that I come across as someone in control of my situation and am unphased by group opinions, but there is a debate raging over the positive/negative connotations involved.

It's true that I am assertive, outspoken and at times, aloof. However I am also a true friend, lover, pride myself on integrity, am goal oriented and have a strong sense of duty. I'm very good at small talk, am funny and enjoy conversation.

I ask people about themselves, listen, give thoughtful gifts and even do volunteer charity work.

Still, my personality seems off putting to a certain segment of society. I've been called harsh, judgemental and "on a moral high horse". I admit those things all to be true.

I'm looking for anyone in the same boat and advice on toning it down.


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Ah...the ENTJ!  I myself am an INTJ, your introverted brother.  I also suffer from the misconception that I am aloof, arrogant and controlling.  And maybe I am.  I mean, we are who we are, right?  

The important thing is to work hard to identify your inherent weaknesses and change them for the better.  Learn to say "I see where  you are coming from.", and  "You're right!", even though you don't and they're wrong.

good luck! 

Done.  Buy me a pint of something dark from the Rock Bottom Brewery.  If I don't show up, feel free to invite the guy next to you to hoist it on my behalf.  Then ask him about his day and practice your new key phrases.

Hi, perhaps you are being too harsh on yourself by saying you are a jerk.  You seem to be socially in control, how are you aware of these negative responses? Perhaps it is just your opinions, no doubt strongly expressed, rather than you that people have a problem with?

Jerks don't know they are jerks. You are fine.

Don't be on a moral high horse or judgmental. Pretty easy. Those things turn people off because the inherent assumption is that other people besides yourself aren't smart enough to develop the morals that you apparently have.

If someone said to me that I probably don't want their opinion, I'd be tempted to punch them in the face, because that's more offensive than whatever stupidity they think they're protecting me from.

I'm not saying sugarcoat or be flowery. Just be tactful.

Honesty is fine.  Brutality is unnecessary.  There are exceptions to both.  Learn them.

There is no need for honesty if a little girl asks if you like her dress, and you don't.  There's no need for brutality if your wife asks how she looks in a dress, and she'd be better off in a different one.  There's no need to hold back if a Client asks you whether swindling his customers is a good idea. 

Situational awareness.  Have some.  You're swinging away like every opinion you give matters.  It doesn't.  Learn the difference, and you'll learn when its better to pull a punch.

As for thinking your friends and colleagues deserve more ... you think too highly of yourself.  You'd probably be surprised how few people are waiting with baited breath to hear your opinion.


You nailed it.

Nothing wrong with being judgmental so long as you're humble enough to know that people need not give a damn about your judgment.


Jack, you are obviously the type of person I had in mind when I started this thread.  [...] Seriously man, get over yourself.

Heh.  Just think how bothered you'd have been if I'd been "brutally honest" because I thought you "deserved better".

I'm over myself.  How are you coming along?

My examples were extreme to make a point.  You already know not to eviscerate a little girl.  Now figure out when not to eviscerate a grown-up.  There is a time and a place.  If people routinely think you're a jerk ... you don't know the time and the place.

As for my opinions and baited breath, if they didn't want to know they wouldn't have asked me.

You asked ... and didn't want to know.


Seriously, why do they ask for help then bash ya for giving it?

You are what you are.
I naturally don't mix and hence avoid your type because I cannot compete and feel bullied and feckless. My negative feelings come more from dislike of myself and a little envy of what your type does so effortlessly, rather than anything personal with the people who have this personality.
The problem, then, is with others, not you.


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