Hi Everyone, 

I i'm thinking of proposing to my girlfriend, and I was wondering about when you ask Her father for his blessing to marry His daughter, do you do it after you give her the engagement ring or before? and in the case of it being after the Engagement ring what is the time table before the wedding? 

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You ask the woman before her father -- it would be weird if he agreed and she didn't, as it is after all her decision!

The engagement ring is a symbol that should please her, make it obvious to all you mean it.  I dn't think the order matters relative to Dad.  Asking him is a formality anyway.  I think he should be asked for blessing the first time convenient after he and Mom get the news; doesn't matterhow that relates to the ring.

TImetable before the wedding is up to the two of you.

I strongly recommend getting a Miss Manners book on wedding-related etiquette, as she answers this type of question, also getting into the nitty-gritty of how to write the invitations, what a wedding announcement is, and how to minimize making people angry.  And she's a hoot.  Emily Post gives a lot of words on things that don't matter like who pays for the bride's traveling clothes or some such, and omits things you want to know.  And she's not funny.

I hope it all works out beautifully!

Thank you Sir, yeah that is what my mom said as well that I ask her first. Which to be honest does make a whole lot of sense to me and though I am not sure this is the norm but I am more worried about his blessing than I am that she says yes or not. Hey can you provide a link to that particular book? 

This might do it:


but it might have been one without "wedding" in the title, possibly this one in an older edition:


Sorry, it's been almost a decade (yay!).

"You ask the woman before her father -- it would be weird if he agreed and she didn't, as it is after all her decision!"

Wouldn't it be just as weird if she said yes but Dad said no? Then what?

That's why I think it's pretty pointless either way. Unless, of course, it's a local tradition and you have a pretty damned decent idea that both parties will say yes.

I spoke to her father first.  Worked fine.  There are fewer 'rules' than you'd think.  Whatever works.


24 years ago, I purchased the ring before asking for her father's blessing. But, I did not give it to my wife until I received his blessing.  His response when I showed up to his house to ask was, "what took you so long?" Having known my soon-to-be father-in-law longer than I had known his daughter when I asked gave me the advantage of knowing his personality well. As far as time-table, we were married 6 months later.  It was the best thing for us as we were trying very hard to live our spiritual convictions while we were wrestling with our strong desires for each other. However you decide to do this, I admire you for wanting her father's blessing.  Best wishes!

Getting the ring was my first step and I added my wife's sister & mother about ring info so they "knew". After purchasing the ring I asked her father after a weekend visit. Then I waited for my wife's favorite holiday, at our favorite hang out spot, with all our parents in tow disguised as the long talked about family meet & greet. A truly magical night.

There are no rules.

She decides; not her dad.

But if you just want to go with your local cultural tradition then I was always under the impression that you asked the father first. *shrug*

I asked my FIL first. (*edit - because my wife told me she wanted me to)

Well, kinda told/asked. but we were a bit older than usual when we got married (late 20s for her, late 30s for me).

I said something along the lines of: "You are incredibly important to your daughter, and you know we've been in a relationship that we think is life-lasting and serious. I'm going to ask her to marry me, but I want your blessing. Are there any concerns/questions you have?"

He said: "I knew this was coming. You have my blessing. She loves you"

I asked after.  But I also asked both the Mom and the Dad because they where divorced.

Here is what I would do (and did). 

I think that before you propose you should sit down with her and have a serious conversation about it. Talk about what you both want, goals you have for the future, stuff like that. Make sure that the proposal itself is a surprise, but the fact that there is a proposal is not a surprise.

Once you know she's on board, I think you should talk to her dad.  Depending on your relationship with him this will look different, but I think it's worth doing before you propose. This way you show that you're serious in asking for his blessing, that you respect him, want to learn from him, etc. He loves his daughter and presumably he knows more about being married than you do, so I think it's worth talking to him humbly and getting his honest opinion and advice about it all.

Presumably he'll be on board, then you should actually go through the ritual of proposing - and enjoy every second.

You typically ask for permission before you give her the engagement ring. As it would be pointless to ask for permission for something you have already done.  That being said, I knew damn well my wife was going to say yes by the time I popped the big question.

As for timing, I asked my now wife for her hand about 3 days after I asked my FIL for permission.

what is the time table before the wedding? 

Entirely depends on the couple. My wife and I were engaged for 9 months (no pregnancy) before we were married and we felt that was too long. But I know some people who happily go years together as an engaged couple before marriage.

To each their own.  Just make sure you communicate both your wants and needs as to when you want the wedding to be. 


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