Disappointed by a friend

Hi,

a friend of mine in the last days has treated me really bad, for her is a tough time. We hear every day and for every problem I was present: I helped her to prepare for the exam, I have given to a pc and I have ajusted it. This was a sincere relationship.
But in the last few days she told me on the email: "I'm sorry if I do not reply to text messages, but I ended the credit .... I gotta study I have little time, see you soon.". But that was a lie because she has a promotion to send free text messages every day.
Now now she is gone, she connects on the internet but she didn't contact me.
What should I do? Why lie after so much kindness on my part? She answer to the good with the ingratitude .... I'm disappointed and I cannot concentrate on my life. I don't know if she used me, I know it's a bad time for her, but I'm confused: I thought that she started a new relationship, I thought that she didn't want answer because she feel nervous for her problems (already a few days ago she answer me wrong), I do not know .... I do what should I do? Obviously I did not contact her

I hope you can give me some sage advice

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Permalink Reply by Arthur on February 1, 2013 at 8:02am

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Permalink Reply by David F. on February 1, 2013 at 10:16am

Did you kiss her? If not, she may not have realized this was more then a good friendship for you. And good friends last when you have to duck out of social situations for a month or two to keep life rolling along. Let her go until she has time for you. If she never has time for you again so be it. Move on.

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Permalink Reply by Jess Levens on February 1, 2013 at 1:18pm

Friendzoned. I bet you painted her toenails too.

Really, though, just because you are kind, that doesn't mean she owes you anything. She probably just didn't want to talk to you, and the lie was to protect your feelings.

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Permalink Reply by Vince on February 1, 2013 at 3:07pm

She is going through a bad situation because of her ex and she lives badly, then I sincerely past weeks I have been caring. She responded to messages very telegraphic "Hey ..." or in the afternoon, "I'm sorry but I have now seen the message." Okay, I dn't know if she behaves this way because they are afraid of a relationship now. I do not know if women do well when they have another guy already at hand. The disappointment is that I wanted to clarify and not a see you soon now I have to study and also a lie. Do you advise me to wait and if she contact me to be cold?

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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on February 1, 2013 at 3:38pm

1. Adjust your expectations. I'll admit to not understanding the "friendzone" phenomenon from a man's perspective, but you seem to expect romance from someone you describe as just a friend, who you know has ex issues. That's unreasonable. Someone doesn't become your girlfriend because you help her study for a test and adjust her computer.

Moreover, even among friends, you seem to expect acts of gratitude for these favors beyond a simple "thank you." Also unreasonable. University friendships are short and often don't last beyond a school term.

It's not unreasonable to expect honesty. I'll give you that. Though, if you're tracking her cell phone plan and time online, she's got good reason to give some reason for avoiding her. So...2. Stop e-stalking her. [I mean that informally. Not that your behavior is criminal. It is creepy.]

3. End the friendship. She doesn't live up to your standards and expectations, either for gratitude or romance. Don't continue relationships with people you resent.

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Permalink Reply by Vince on February 1, 2013 at 4:51pm

Thanks for the answer:

1. We we're just fellow academics but we've known for a long time and has always been her calling, not just this summer she was planning to take a trip together. First she part of accelerating, so I was disappointed by her attitude.

2. I didn't go to seek her phone plan, she told me that she has 500 free sms per day. Series: "She considered me stupid? "Or is it a polite way to say I don't talk? I would have preferred she was directed above all by a friend so I did a lot, I spent whole nights awake with her to speak when she was depressed.

3. I do not feel resentment for her, I love her as a friend. But I was expecting sincerity, lately has become another person, but surly with me always sweet and sincere.

My disappointment came from her response to my good with the evil without thankfull, I'll be her friend, but certainly very detached

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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on February 1, 2013 at 5:04pm

You're changing your behavior indefinitely based upon your disappointment in behavior she hasn't even had a chance to apologize for yet. That's resentment.

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Permalink Reply by Rob on February 1, 2013 at 5:25pm

Do you advise me to wait and if she contact me to be cold?

No. It would serve no purpose, except to feed your needy ego. Instead of hoping for her to be friendlier to you than she is on one extreme, or being bitter about it on the other, you could just accept the situation, be a good sport about it, have some real class, and chalk it up to experience.