Our sporting club had a social event on the weekend, and one of the women there, who i'll give the fake name of Adele to, who is married with a family and a little older then me, always makes some mild jokes about me. I always thought they were jokes untill on the weekend the first time I saw her she suddenly grabbed me and pulled me into the toilets to have sex with her. At the time I wasn't thinking too clearly or too much but when we got home she did say that she was in fact still married. She stayed the night and I dropped her round the corner from her house in the morning.

I don't really know what to do now, all I have as a plan is to apologise to her at some point somehow, but other then that I have no idea.

I feel like I've betrayed myself and what I claim to stand for, and the worst part is that it's my mistake and someone else's family has to pay for it.

This is without a doubt the worst thing I've done in my life and I have no idea what to do next. After I dropped Adele home she went to her Son's 4th birthday party. What should I do now?

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My advice is to stay away.  You can't pretend it didn't happen of course, but you're playing with fire.  I don't know what your own relationship status is, or how you get along with her husband, but her status is pretty clear, and this will not end well.  The best thing you can do if she approaches you again for sex is to make it clear to her that although you were caught off guard once, you cannot and will not have an affair with a married woman.

If she's looking to get out of her marriage, then having an affair during that time is only going to make that process worse.  If she's just sexually frustrated and looking to get some action, then she needs to find someone else.

She came on to you, and you don't know the dynamic of her marriage.  You broke one of your own personal moral codes; one which, given your surprise, you apparently didn't know you had.  Learn from it, get over it, move on.  But, unless you would like to continue with her, stay away.  Nothing good will come of you apologizing.

Most likely not her first 'outing' and won't be her last.  That does not excuse your participation though; but you do not need to apologize to her only to yourself, your God, and maybe to her husband (not recommended unless you have a death wish) and children as they are the injured party.  Learn from your mistake and move on.

Apologize to her?  Why?  She's not a victim.  She's a perpetrator.  Her family will pay for her actions, not yours.


Tell her you won't be involved with a married woman, that you won't be involved with a woman that'd do that to her husband, that you made a mistake in judgment, that you're done with her ... and then stay away from her.  You don't owe her an apology, though.  You didn't betray her ... she used you to betray her husband and kids.

 

Then, don't let it happen again.

 

JB

This is the correct answer.

I would do this. 

Don't even touch her again.  Repair yourself.  You see your own sin, you're man enough to admit that.  Now work on yourself.  Religious at all?  Me, I turn to the Bible. 

Make yourself a better man for this.

I agree with your other posters that you need to do damage control. You had better clear your head so that you don't do anything rash or impulsive trying to force a resolution (more likely, a crisis). Lay very low and avoid Adele like the plague at least long enough to convince yourself that neither of you will do anything rash or impulsive.

The point is to protect innocent parties like that 4 year old, who should not have to deal with the consequences.

First off, stop beating yourself up about what happened.  Shit happens. It doesn't sound like you're the type of guy who would be comfortable in a "friends with benefits" relationship with a married woman, so chalk this up as a one time thing and let it go - if she'll let you.  Forgive yourself; forgive her.  I wouldn't quit my club or change my life to avoid her if I were you, unless she forces you to do that by escalating the drama level.  Just remember how you felt afterwards, the next time she comes on to you (if there is a next time), and politely refuse.  If she won't let it go at that, then you might have to take more extreme evasive action.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

If she's looking for the excitement of a tragic love affair, complete with sneaking around, stolen moments, bodice-ripping emotional drama, ..., well - unless you like that sort of thing, I'd give it a miss.  (Trust me, there's no guy alive who needs that crap.)  Those things rarely end well, and before it's over, you'll have pain and trouble you never imagined was possible.

There are a lot of single women out there, all ages, and the last thing you probably need is to be caught up in the middle of the pyrotechnics of a disintegrating/dysfunctional marriage - or to get involved with a seriously neurotic woman, who uses you to act out with.

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