Hey there fellas,

I find myself in need to opinions on a matter involving an attempt to ask out a woman today. First some background. I'm a US college student studying abroad in the UK. Recently in my Latin class (classics is the degree of choice) I met a lovely Dutch girl. Anyways, onwards and forwards. Now, today after class several of us went together for a drink at a nearby pub. several hours later when leaving it was just her and I left, and we had a short conversation in front of the pub, and, as we parted, I rather awkwardly asked her if she was busy over the weekend (I know, it wasn't terribly direct). She said she was busy with field hockey all weekend, so I asked about next week to which she replied that she couldn't say, because she basically lives day to day since she's incredibly busy and only has a brief window of opportunity to do homework (being too lazy to do it in the morning and too tired after eleven at night). But she added as a sort of caveat that we'll probably see each other at other Latin get togethers. Then we parted ways. My question is, do you guys think it was a particularly skilled turn down? Or am I reading too much in to what was simply an honest statement about being unable to make plans very far ahead in the future? If you haven't already guessed, I don't do very well with the subtleties of social interaction.

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Exactly what I was going to say. +1

You always sum it up the best +1

Ah it is good you didn't ask "Will you have time to meet me at saturday at 11 am in the blablbla pub". Just try it a little bit more concrete the next time. Of course you two should have had some interactions that she seemed to enjoy. If you just were there too, she won't have a big reason to meet you. But you can try it anyways. Good luck.

You didn't get turned down, because you didn't ask her for anything.  You asked her an abstract question:  "Are you busy?"  She answered.

She may have understood what you were thinking, but it's not her responsibility to ask herself out for you!  You have to do it!  I suggest asking her to something specific, either with a time you imagine to be convenient ("Friday after class") or with some flexibility, but still specific enough ("Friday afternoon").  

Then, if she's savvy, she'll say,

"I can't."  This means:  no.

"I can't at that time" or "I can't, but at some other time..."  This means:  I really can't, but I like the idea.

No guarantee that she knows how to say it so clearly.  But it's the best guess for the start.

I had a conversation like that with my now-husband at the conclusion of our first date, but eventually we moved to talking in terms of actual dates and times. 

When I was in university, I couldn't get anyone to make plans more hours in advance than they were years old, but for dates you should make the attempt.  If she says she can't know a week or 2 ahead of time (work and sports and such CAN be like that), say you'll call her on Wednesday about her weekend schedule.  If she turns you down on Wednesday without suggesting another time, or at least, "But maybe next weekend..." consider that your final answer.

She answered the question you asked.  You didn't get turned down ... because you didn't invite her anywhere.  You were having a conversation about her weekend plans, not about whether she'd like to date you.

There are several problems with half-assed questions like that ... she doesn't know what you're asking, you don't know what question she's answering, and you prove to her you haven't the stones to ask her out directly (which ain't attractive).

Direct questions beget direct answers.  Doubt is worse than "no".  Ask her out next time.


Suppose Adam Levine had asked her the very same questions.  What do you suppose her reaction would have been?

Mine would have been "Who's Adam Levine"? :o

Thanks for the replies everyone. It does occur to me now that I should have been more direct in my approach. Next time, I will be.

From what you have said I would not give up on asking this girl out. You said the two of you stayed until you were the only ones left from your group. If she didn't like you or she can't stand you then she would not have let that happen (of course unless she is a raging alcoholic who can't pry herself away from the bar). I would look up the schedule for the field hockey team and be sure you don't ask her out when they have a scheduled game. Then ask her out in a more direct manner.


I hope you'll get it, Bloom.

By the way, do you intend to follow Harold Bloom steps? =D


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