I had a girlfriend I was deeply in love with, we used to talk about getting married and I dreamed about having a child with her. She told me that she had a threesome with a couple before dating me and I didn't mind because she was single at the time, but I told her she was dating now and should forget those things, I also have always said I didn't want any other man in the relationship.

Then one day she said she would love to watch me with another girl and encouraged me to look for someone interested, I enjoyed the idea but I told her that this shouldn't be an excuse for her to have another man. Next week she said we would only have a girl if I accepted going out with couples too, she wanted us to go out with that same couple she had sex with before, needless to say I refused and got upset. Still, every week she would go back to this subject, until I got really mad and she gave up on the idea, but I was already bearing a grudge.

Time passed and we forgot about those arguments, the relationship was going phenomenal, I was having the happiest days of my life with her, but everything turned upside down when I found out she was keeping a sex pic with that couple she went out with, I told her to delete it but she was reluctant, saying it was a milestone in her life, but as I was pissed off she got rid of the picture. "I didn't know you it would hurt you so much", she said.

The foursome proposal and the picture were gone, but I was really hurt about all of that, the admiration I had for her was vanishing, my passion for her had gotten weaker, it felt like I didn't know her anymore, I told her I didn't want to get married anymore and she got worried about it.

I know it sounds really macho, but her trying to have sex with another man really hurts my honor and my sense of territorialism. Her trying to push my boundaries over and over was just so disrespectful. Anyway, that was all gone but the pain was just too much, so I just called her and said "I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry".

Sometimes I think that leaving her was a too radical decision because that story was all gone, right? Maybe I should have worked on my pain and tried to start it all from scratch, but breaking up was what felt right at the time.

Do you think I did the right thing?

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I don't think "respect" has anything to do with it.  But... she seems pretty attached to having sex with people that aren't you.  People generally don't change that much, or at least, you can't count on it.  If you marry her, you'll at best get someone who wants to do other people, and at worst someone who's actually doing them.

You did what you needed to.  As to Macho.  I had a rule with my Girlfriend now wife.  If she saw an ex boyfriend that day she would be in my bed that night.  Not that I did not logically trust her, emotionally I needed that.  One can argue logic all you want but we have emotional sides that need to be acknowledged even if we don't like the impulses they give us.  My Lady Love took it as a very deep and strong "I love you" and was totally okay with it.

If you are looking to create a solid relationship that will handle the stress of life, I fully understand your position and agree with you.

You're not compatible. And, she's no more at fault than you are.

You're a hypocrite. You're not monogamous, you're just insecure. You don't mind the idea of a third person in your bed, so long as you're the one that's satisfied rather than her. She baited you, and figured you out. You're not protecting the relationship. You're protecting your ego. If it was about protecting the relationship from sex with outsiders, you would've refused the girl. But, you didn't. So ... this wasn't about principle, it was about selfishness. Which doesn't reflect well on you AT ALL.

She's not the right girl. And, you're not the right guy. Thank Heavens y'all didn't bring a kid into this.

JB

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