Hello Gents,

My grandmother died back in May of kidney failure. When her one remaining kidney failed she refused dialasis because she said that she had lived a good long life (90 yrs) so she decied that it wasnt going to get better so she decided just to let life take its course. With work and lack of finance I didnt get a chance to see her (and I have a really hard time with rest homes) and by the time I got the courage to call her, she was too far gone to speak coherently or understand much of what was being said. Most of the time I try not to think about it, but when I do and think about what kind of role I played as her grandson. how seldomly I saw her during those last few years, and how I handled her last few days I cant help but feel like I failed as a grandson and as a man. Honestly I dont know what I'm looking for by writing this, I suppose I'm looking for support, or looking for ways that you guys have dealt with it in your lives or maybe I'm just looking for a way to relieve some stress. But either way, thanks for listening.

-Dave

Views: 97

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I have a much similar feeling, Dave, in regards to my grandmother. There were many opportunities during college for me to even call, much less visit. Instead I was off doing various things that I now realize as much less important. Unfortunately, I don't think that feeling ever goes away, but only dims. The best you can do now is wish her forgiveness, and to learn from the experience.
I'd dare to guess that she would not have held it against you David.
I lost 3 of my 4 grandparents by my mid-teens. The hardest was my dad's father, since I was closest to him. I was 15, spending the summer in Nebraska with him and my grandma (now my only surviving grandparent) while he was at home in hospice care, dying of lung cancer. The preceding couple of summers, I had spent almost every day with him, painting the house, fixing things, working on crossword puzzles, watching Leno over a can of Old Milwaukee and a cigarette (OK, the beer and smokes were only on his side).

After his death, I had a huge void in my life. Grandpa wasn't going to be around to teach me things, to give me advice, to see his great-grandkids. You know what else? Even with all the time that I'd spent with him, I had regrets. Why hadn't I listened to him more? Why hadn't I realized the wealth of experiences that he held in his head, having lived through the Great Depression and World War II? Was he proud of the 15-year-old upstart he'd seen before him? Would he be proud of me now?

I guess what I'm getting at is that every death of someone close to you will leave you with some regrets. You have to realize that there's nothing you can do about the past, but you can live for the future. Be the best son, grandson, brother, husband, boyfriend, uncle, etc that you can be to those who are still around. In my case, my grandfather's death was a wake-up call. Regardless of whether or not I'd done enough to make my grandfather proud before his death, I would do my best to be the kind of man that he had been, to live up to his example.

RSS

Latest Activity

Charles Indelicato commented on thehuhman's group Men Over 50
"I hear you, George.  My uncle turns 96 next month... so I get your point.  My point is I haven't made a deal about in over 25 years, and am not about to start now. "
9 minutes ago
George Henry Robbins III commented on thehuhman's group Men Over 50
"Disagree Charles, you should do something special for yourself. You could live to be 100 and now you are just halfway through  life. I am 55 and still participate in sports and other activities. A few months ago I was carded (have good genes).…"
11 minutes ago
Charles Indelicato commented on thehuhman's group Men Over 50
"Elon, I'll celebrate 50 the way I rang in 40 and 30 ... I don't.  Somewhere around 23 or 24 I had a kick-ass party for myself, and then decided that was it - I had celebrated enough.  Since then, I don't do birthdays.…"
19 minutes ago
Jack Bauer replied to Regular Joe's discussion Next In Court: The Christian Student Job Applicant VS The Norse Viking Employer in the group The Great Debate
"No.  That would run afoul of sexual harassment laws and possibly religious mandate laws (depending on whether the Nordic thing was religious).  You can't base employment decisions on sexual favors or participation in…"
1 hour ago
Jack Bauer replied to Jack Bauer's discussion What'cha watchin'? Your manly entertainment recommendations, reviews and discussions ...
" "
1 hour ago
Jack Bauer replied to Regular Joe's discussion Next In Court: The Christian Student Job Applicant VS The Norse Viking Employer in the group The Great Debate
"Nonsense.  That case wasn't even a matter of employment law.  It was about unconstitutional healthcare mandates in Obamacare.  There are now exceptions to being forced to pay for somebody else's healthcare…"
2 hours ago
Josh Allen replied to Jack Bauer's discussion What'cha watchin'? Your manly entertainment recommendations, reviews and discussions ...
"Comparing a movie to a game or any other kind of media is silly, movies are linear entertainment where the consumer has no control or input towards what's going on. However, with games you can have a significant effect on the outcome. For…"
2 hours ago
David F. replied to Regular Joe's discussion Next In Court: The Christian Student Job Applicant VS The Norse Viking Employer in the group The Great Debate
"Well it is a side swipe at the opened can of worms that the american supreme court has caused.  The issue is there is no clear line on where sincerely held religious beliefs of private companies end vs employment law. Of course this is…"
2 hours ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service