My grandmother died back in May of kidney failure. When her one remaining kidney failed she refused dialasis because she said that she had lived a good long life (90 yrs) so she decied that it wasnt going to get better so she decided just to let life take its course. With work and lack of finance I didnt get a chance to see her (and I have a really hard time with rest homes) and by the time I got the courage to call her, she was too far gone to speak coherently or understand much of what was being said. Most of the time I try not to think about it, but when I do and think about what kind of role I played as her grandson. how seldomly I saw her during those last few years, and how I handled her last few days I cant help but feel like I failed as a grandson and as a man. Honestly I dont know what I'm looking for by writing this, I suppose I'm looking for support, or looking for ways that you guys have dealt with it in your lives or maybe I'm just looking for a way to relieve some stress. But either way, thanks for listening.
I have a much similar feeling, Dave, in regards to my grandmother. There were many opportunities during college for me to even call, much less visit. Instead I was off doing various things that I now realize as much less important. Unfortunately, I don't think that feeling ever goes away, but only dims. The best you can do now is wish her forgiveness, and to learn from the experience.
"I know you envy my father, you most likely envy me too but i'm certain you are jealous of him. It is natural for men to compete against eachother, but there are winners and losers. Based from your track record of doing nothing whatsoever you…"