I was wondering how you guys deal with disrespect whether it be from a bunch of drunks in a local sports bar or from young punks using bad language near you and your wife in line at the movies. I was in a local store over the weekend and was behind a group of young men who wear wearing their pants so low that their asses were hanging completely out. My young son who was with me was very embarrassed and so were several ladies who were present. I wanted so badly to either say something to these thugs but I just bite my tongue.
I completely understand where you are coming from. We live in an age of rude and inappropriate behavior. For example I took my two young children to a college basketball game and the students sitting near us were swearing every other word. I wanted to say something, but didn't. I thought to myself what would be worse for my sons, to hear people swearing or to watch their father get into a fight with a couple of rowdy students.
Unfortunately, kids are going to hear inappropriate language no matter how hard parents try. After the game I explained to my kids that they shouldn't talk the way the people around us were talking. Hopefully they got the message.
I think it depends on the situation, Eddie. If someone physically assaults you, that's one thing - I say throw down and start swinging. However, it might not be worth getting in trouble taking on the kids with their pants hanging low. Just my opinion. But yeah, it seems like our society gets worse every single minute.
Our society really is getting worse. As a general rule I can't let people just get away with extreme rudeness; I feel like a participant in the decline of civilization. I just use an escalation strategy:
- Start w/ "Excuse me gentlemen there are ladies/children pleasant";
- If I get lip back my response is usually "Is that all you can say? And you're supposed to be the clever one?
- If I still get lip back I'll make a comment about how Darwin's research may have been flawed.
- If things look like they might turn ugly and I'm outnumbered I go for the cell phone. I don't really call anybody, just use the walkie-talkie function and say something in Russian to a non-existent associate. Nine times out of ten it confuses and scares the hell out of the offenders and they leave.
It seems that most of the knuckle draggers are all talk, but I'm sure one day push will come to shove. Although getting older I think I can hold my own fairly well. I certainly don't go looking for trouble; I rarely go into bars and haven't set foot in a movie theatre since 1985.
Those things about your girlfriend, Wolf, are beyond disrespectful. You have every right to beat the snot out of those guys.
I remember a 'friend' of mine pawing all over my girlfriend. He knew we were together, but still had his arm around her and his hand on her breast. She was trying to be cool and not make a big deal about it, but I could tell she was uncomfortable. Anyway, I went into the bathroom to cool off but said to myself that if he was still doing it, that I was going to take him down. I came out and saw that he was. So, I went up to him, threw him to the ground, and slapped him in the face - he was surprised to say the least. The bouncers at the bar saw what was going on and just calmly said that I had to leave - I grabbed my coat and left. The only bad thing about it was that my girlfriend went down in the whole may-lay. But she understood that he was disrespecting the both of us.
I wish I knew what was wrong with the world and how to fix it, Wolf. People just don't know what's appropriate and what's not anymore.
It sounds like your girlfriend has had men cheat on her before. My gf's ex-boyfriend/father of her daughter cheated on her all the time when they were together, so she has the same insecurities. The only thing you can do is what you did - reassure her. Don't know what else to tell you. Think she might need to see someone and talk about it? Just asking.
Seems like most of the problems are when you guys go out. Perhaps you should try staying in. The aforementioned former gf LOVED to go out and be 'seen' - a way for her to get attention. I'm glad my current gf doesn't like going out and would rather just spend a quiet evening at home with me watching a movie or reading. Plus, there's no good places to go around here anyway.
I don't consider someone cussing around me or wearing their clothes in a weird manner as disrespect. Pathetic definately, but it would only be personally disrespectful if you asked them to dial it back and they ignored you or cussed you out or something along those lines. Otherwise they are just rude and unrefined and subject to mockery. My daughter and I stalk them like prey and amuse ourselves by pointing them out. She will say "Hey, hey, daddy his underwear is touching that chair. Look it's touching that chair. Ewww." and I wil tell her something like "I'll mark that chair with my key on the way out so we don't sit in it if we come back. His mother must've let him dress himself today." or I will be talking to Noel and we will hear "OOooooooh!" and look back and Sky will have her hand cupped over her mouth and the other hand discreetly pointing "Oooooooh, they are saying all of the bad words!" My reply is usually "Just pretend they are saying:monkey, thank, and sugar instead of the other words...it makes them more interesting to listen to." or "You know what to do" Later she will give me a recap of the conversation and it goes something like "He said "I told that monkey thank you! You monkey! Suuuugar man! I'll slap you in your monkey face and you won't do sugar about it! It was ridiculous!" Her recaps are usually pretty funny.
I know what you're saying, Topher - believe me. She's an ex-gf (we're still friends), and she likes attention from men. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, I think she was just trying to defuse the situation herself (not make a scene, etc.) - she knows I have a bad temper. If that was my current girlfriend, however, she would have beaten him to a pulp - I don't have to worry about her at all. She doesn't like anyone touching her but me - that's the way it should be.
That's pretty great. I remember we were at my gf's big Gala Event last year, and this older gentleman (he's a retired doctor and a member of their board) put his hand (in a very covert manner) on this woman's (she's also a board member and very cute) butt. She waited an appropriate amount of time and calmly slid away from him. However, I think screaming would have been better!
Out and out disrespect is something that can be dealt with. But in my case more times that not others don't go for total disrespect. They hang out on the edges and push but rarely go to far but when they do it is very subtle. This is what drives me truly insane when I have to question am I being to sensitive am I making this to big of a deal and would the ends justify the means. An advisary I can deal with and even to limited degrees respect but those sneaky punks I have no use for. As far as the cultural aspect of clothing and language (this one is tougher) I agree with James, laugh at them and give them no claim to your emotions.
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