Gentlemen,

Girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me 2 months ago today.  Long story short, she met someone else, said she had to be honest with her feelings for me, broke up with me.  I know in the beginning she was hoping that her feelings for me would come back, but a after a week of no contact, she told me she thought she made the right decision.  She tried to end it on good terms, told her I taught her everything she knows about relationships blah blah blah.  I was polite to her at first, was still thinking things would change if I acted mature about it.

Well I was essentially replaced immediately, and a month later she was dating this other kid, I say kid because he is a year and half younger than her (I'm 21, she's 20, new guy is 19 at the most).  I unfriended her, unfollowed her from all the social media stuff (didn't need to see her and her new boy).

Two weeks ago she sent me a text asking how I was doing, wishing me well on my final exams.  I didn't answer, she was looking to pad the ego a little.  A few days pass and the fool that I am got tempted and looked at her Vine account (those silly 6 second videos).  She posted a few videos of her and a friend, and on her bed at home and she's got all the stuffed animals I got her, and these all have meaning, especially the one that says "Someone at X University Loves Me"  I was really confused by this because I know she had put these away while she was still at school. I thought about texting her, but my friends said don't crack, if she wants you back, she will come to you, its not your job to read into stupid social media posts.

Now two days ago I get a really long text from her, in short:

"I know by not texting me back its because you dont want to talk, I dont want you to think that this has been easy for me, I hate that this had to happen, I dont want you to think i'm heartless, we will always mean something to each other no matter what, we can't act like the past 4 years didnt happen, I dont expect us to be friends, its really hard knowing nothing going on in your life, figured it was worth a try." 

I don't answer and 3 hours later she texts me again "Please"  I continue to ignore.

To me this is still about her, I feel that she is feeling guilty to some degree and needs to know that I don't hate her.  I think she wants me to tell her that I'm ok personally, and that I'm ok with what she did.  I still love her, and every time she contacts me all my feelings for her rush back.  I'm not going to lie, I want her back.

Am I handling this the right way?  Could I do something better?

Much appreciated Gents,

- J. Moore

Tags: Ex, breakups, girlfriends

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Sounds like you know exactly what you are doing. No real advice from here other than a shout out to stay strong brother...

I would say to keep doing what you are doing. Except for the looking her up online and looking at her videos, but you knew that was a moment of weakness. It can be tough but you will get over her. It is not a bad thing to want her back. After 3 years of dating you would have to be a heartless creature to be able to just get over her and never look back. Everything sounds perfectly normal to me so just stay strong and keep right on as you are already doing.

Remember if she didn't want to be with you then she is someone you don't want to be with.

Good luck

I agree fully with @ Paul_of_TX , my ex wife of 18 years did the exact same thing to me and stupid me replied to the texts and I can tell you all it does is drag out the pain . Just find something to distract your mind , make it fun and just like a post I read here the other day about writing a letter to a younger you get out there and ask every girl you like out for a coffee .

I knew there was some reason I disabled texting on my phone.

I think you're doing great.

What do you think about her texting me, especially that long one, and then almost begging me to answer?  Is she just looking for validation, looking for emotional support?  My friends keep saying "She wants her cake and to eat it too, don't give her any satisfaction"  I want to respond to her, I don't think she's heartless, but at the same time, she moved on so quickly, and seeing that just hurt me more.  If she's so happy with her new boy, if she's over me, why is she texting me?

For over 3 years you have been there admiring her and now she doesn't have that any longer. Could be that she feels bad or it could be that she misses having you there wanting her. You may never know.

As for the texts. Don't reply. Easier said than done. I knew I shouldn't have called an ex about a year after she broke up with me but I did it any way. If you do get the urge and have to text her back just write "Not now" and leave it at that. You need time to get over her so now is not the time to be talking about how each other is feeling.

Seems she's less interested in you than she is in soothing her own conscience.  You're doing fine.  If she wants you back, she'll tell you.  If not ... why bother?

 

Quit watching the videos, though.


JB

Right, thats what I was thinking... I know the watching the videos was a bad idea, it just confused me, I thought it odd for her to keep that stuff around.  

She knows the text i'll answer, and some "hope you're doing well" crap aint it.  I don't see a point in answering her otherwise.  She feels guilty, she hurt me, its natural.

One of my (female) friends did what this gal's doing:  tried to reconnect in a friendly way to a guy she dumped.  He wasn't having any.  Everyone told her:  honey, you broke up with him.  He doesn't want to be friends.  He wants to recover.  Let him. 

You're not alone.  They do that.  Stay strong, maybe try to set your phone ignore her calls.  But like others say, they she wants it both ways, and will try to guilt you into it.  Yeah she was an important chapter in the book of Jay, but that chapter is over and done with. 

This is a Mars/Venus problem. She wants to "help you" by talking about your feelings. You want to fix the problem. . . your feelings. Her talking with you about your feelings helps her. . . but tortures you and doesn't fix getting back together. Men try to figure out how to fix their problems. Women usually prioritize examining their feelings about problem(s) and, then decide, if they decide to do so, which one to deal with, if any, first. Although the guy that wrote the book calls them love letters. . . he does have a hate letter section. Basically write her a letter. . . make it awful if that's what it takes. . . then burn it. Apparently this helps with those emotion thingys. . . I really DON'T understand. 

Any rate. . . this isn't a problem you can fix. . . so talking about how you feel (you feel. . . um, gross), how the venetians do it is the only way to go.

I have no idea what you're saying here. 

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