Any thoughts on what the difference is or if there is a difference between dating and courtship? 

Views: 1199

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Yes, if only because those who use the term "courtship" almost invariably seek to differentiate it from what they consider to be "dating".

In our culture, courtship is a form of dating that is able to function only within certain subcultures.  It presumes certain family structures and relationships that are absent from the lives of many who participate in the broader culture of dating.

To me, the main difference is that courtship is a subset of dating - specifically dating with the intent of deciding whether or not to marry a specific lady.  Although I can see arguments for including dating after an engagement as well.

So maybe something like, courtship is dating with marriage intent? 

I think that's part of it, but from what I have seen proponents of courtship emphasize family involvement (in particular the father's permission) at least as much as they do marriage intent. 

If you have to ask the fathers permission to date then you are too young to marry. 

It is as simple as that.

Dating to just enjoy a good day/ evening with some one is how you find someone you want to settle down with.  I did not realize I want to marry my wife until I realized I was moving across the country and if I expected her to join me she needed to have a ring to provide her the assurance to join me.  After nine years of marriage we are still best friends and happy we married.

Not in the subcultures (mostly evangelical Christian, at least in the States) where courtship has become popular.  The prospective couple can be well into their twenties and still need to proceed with the family's (specifically the father's) approval.

Thanks for pointing that out. I do not come from this subculture and am always curious how others live and how they see life.

At what point in these subcultures are (evangelical christian) are children considered adults?

Is fathers approval required for the male as well as the female children to be courted?

 

If I remember Harris' book correctly, it's just the woman's father who needs to give permission. In Harris' mind, it's about the man showing the maturity to be thinking and acting independently, and there being a double protection for the woman - first the man asking should have her best interests at heart, and her father. (except for the practicalities, this attitude wasn't part of my main problem with the books)

Bear in mind that this practice is confined to a subset of evangelical Christians, so it's only practiced by a faction of a fraction.

While I don't keep close tabs on developments within the courtship movement (for lack of a better term) I think it has proven to be something of a fad because of its impracticality for many people.  It is much more feasible if young women live with their parents as part of a close-knit family and if the young man is part of the same community.  But it breaks down when distance and family trouble are introduced (as in, it becomes difficult or impossible, instead of simply rejected by a young couple).

I'm from that subculture, and I've never heard of anyone old enough to live on his/her own needing parental permission to date.  Advice, yes, and I have the impression that millennials are way more likely to listen to such advice than Gen X'ers.

Rev. Harris did talk to the eventual Mrs. Harris' father before they started courting. The father was 2,000 miles away from his daughter, and not a Christian. I don't know how many couples followed Harris' advice/example. The examples I remember from "Boy Meets Girl" (which was published several years after "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," so was able to include anecdotes of people who took to hear the first book) and press about the books were of younger couples.

Maybe some of my Catholic college friends got fathers' permission to start dating, at college age.

Thanks for the perspective.  Personally I asked for permission to marry but not to date, so that idea surprised me.

I believe that in the modern age "courtship" is just a 10 dollar word for dating. I suppose you could stretch it a bit and say that courtship would be dating the girlfriend vs that period where you two are dating but not necessarily to the point where you have established that the two of you are exclusively dating each other.

RSS

Latest Activity

Braeden posted a discussion

Endless Forms Most Beautiful

“Thus, from the war of nature, from famine and death, the most exalted object which we are capable of conceiving, namely, the production of the higher animals, directly follows. There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being,…See More
2 hours ago
Jack Bauer replied to Ameretta's discussion Should I kill Myself Because I am a black woman?
"Ideally not. Best I can tell, your complaint is that men -- particularly Asian or Korean men -- aren't into dark-skinned women. You say your parents immigrated to the U.S., so it doesn't sound like you live in Asia. You call yourself a…"
6 hours ago
Drew Wood replied to Chris J.'s discussion Taking a nature walk...barechested in the group The Shirtless Man
"That is a great feeling, especially on a warm Spring day!"
8 hours ago
Kit the Odd replied to Sir's discussion Class in the group The Great Debate
"I'll have to think about this some more, but one things comes to mind right off. The volatility of the classes makes for some of the mismatches you mention.  Purely income-wise I grew up probably somewhere between middle-class and…"
12 hours ago
Apollyon replied to Ameretta's discussion Should I kill Myself Because I am a black woman?
"Nope. 1. You seem to have self-loathing, low self esteem, and bad self image. 2. You live in Korea? Asian countries can be tough to deal with if you are not Asian. However, I can tell you many other countries in the world DO in fact like black…"
12 hours ago
Tyler West replied to N. R.'s discussion Any Wildland Firefighters out there?
"Hey man, Just saw this and figured Id reply. I was a BLM/Forest Service firefighter for four years, two on engines and last two on a hotshot crew. The biggest thing honestly is calling and or visiting fire captains to show your interest. Some of…"
12 hours ago
Kit the Odd replied to Ameretta's discussion Should I kill Myself Because I am a black woman?
"I'm not sure what I could say to help, although I'd like to.  It sounds like you are dealing with some specific problems that feel like general ones.  I don't know what your experiences are, but they sound…"
12 hours ago
Pale Horse replied to Valentin's discussion Hello from Paris (France)
"Welcome. I hope you enjoy being here. Feel free to chime in anywhere."
14 hours ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service