So, I'm a long time reader, but only recently decided to actually put up a post or two.
I've recently started out in the dating world, having spent the first two decades of my life under the metaphorical rock of the backwoods, and I'm a bit in the dark when it comes to some of the finer points of dating.
Anyway, there's a girl i sit next to in one of my classes and we've talked a couple of times, but nothing really beyond casual interaction. The question I have is, should I wait a little while, and if so what are some ways to maybe get to know her better outside of class without being too obvious? Or am I just over complicating the whole thing?
What would you be waiting for? And is there a problem with being too obvious?
Are you in college? Late high school? Girls at different ages behave differently too...
Will does have a point, What are you waiting for?
Don't waste any more time waiting. If you are waiting for the 'perfect' moment then you already missed it because you are thinking in the future and not the present. Just do something rather than be a spectator to your own life as it passes by.
From my experience girls like it more when you are obvious with your intentions because it creates less confusion between both parties.
Simplest way to get to know her better is to start off with a nice warm smile followed by a 'Hi' (doesn't have to be in that order) then follow up with a few simple questions about herself. If the weekend is coming up then ask her what she has planned or if it went past ask what she got up to. Then work from there to find out what you both might have in common and ask her to join you.
This doesn't need to be achieved all in one sitting by the way, if you aren't comfortable with that then do it slowly step by step to get find out something new about her each time you speak with her.
Hope this helps mate and do keep us posted!
Less thinking and more doing and you will be fine mate!
Richard from Romantic Missions
hah! Truer words.
You're over-complicating the whole thing. On a day when you can do this, on the way out the door of the class ask her if you can buy her a cup of coffee. Then apply Napoleon's maxim; "On s'engage; puis on vois." Basically it means, "Engage; then see what happens." Napoleon conquered most of Europe for a while. You're just talking to a girl.
So, by way of an update, I started to ask her out, but before I could get the words out, she started in about her ex of a couple of months. Evidently he called her last night while drunk and began bringing up old baggage. Needless to say, I restrained myself. Any advice on how to handle this?
As always, thanks.
Play it way cool. She's not going to be in a state of mind to jump right into dating if she's got this mess hanging around. A cup of coffee is still a friendly, non-threatening suggestion. Be a friend to her and maybe something good will happen. Be prepared to listen silently, nodding your head and making "Mmmhmm" noises. But don't expect anything dramatic, and be wary if anything dramatic starts happening. A drunken ex isn't her fault of course, but should serve as, if not warning sign, then at least as a thing to be aware of.
Only follow this to a point, otherwise you'll be filed under "eunuch." Sympathetic is fine, until you turn into one of her girlfriends.
Yeah, that's a good point.
why worry about being obvious. obviously you want to be tactful but you often shoot yoursel fin the foot benig too passive or standoffish. thats how you get in the dreaded friend zone
i actually watched an intereting shw on mtv the other day where people tell their friend they like them or have a crush on them. one guy got rejected and as the girl was getting interviewed at the end she said initially she liked him but now after the relationship had progressed as a friend she didn't see him that way any longer.
be casual at first tried to get paired up with her on a project or study together. you could come right out and ask her to go grab a drink sometime or on a date however it may be easier to suggest something casual like grabbing lunch or some coffee after class
Just relax and keep it cool Calvin.
The next time you find yourself sitting next to her, just give her a smile and ask how she is. This works all the time. you will thank me later brother.
And remember, time waits for no man, so, better do it soon. Cheers!
Be careful, don't fall into the friend zone ....