I'm a young guy, single (never married, no kids), successful, and reasonably attractive. I've generally hit a point in my life where starting a family of my own weighs as a heavy consideration, so I'm on the watch for that perfect lady.

In the dating scene, I can usually be classified as a serial monogamist. I've never wanted to be a 'player' as I think that classification most readily embodies greed and narcissism, two traits that I try to keep on a very short leash. Additionally, It's confusing enough being involved with one woman, I can only imagine the chaos of juggling several.

So... Recently I've struck a deep well of dating opportunity. Several friends are trying to fix me up, I've met a couple nice girls on my own, and I got facebooked by an old Highschool flame.

How does a gentlemen go about exploring all of these options without being a jerk? While I believe that honesty and openness are important, and I should just tell the ladies that I'm dating around, dating etiquette (& experience) tell me that it's bad form to bring up other women. Ultimately, I will be with just one person, but I'd hate to discourage the right one while I'm making up my mind.

I know this is a trivial problem, and probably not a bad one to have. I'm sure I will find my own way through it, but I am curious to hear from anyone who has experience in this department.

Views: 95

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Well, women assume up until a point that you are not exclusive. They will probably have other dates too. While I applaud your honesty, remember that sometimes you don't need to reveal all details. If they ask you then be honest but limit what you tell them. A brief answer if fine.
*Don't rush into trying to settle down with a woman. All women, even the good ones want something that they can't have. There will always be some game playing at the beginning. I'm not talking about childish teenage games but you have to make a woman chase you a bit. That's just the way that it is. Most people, if they were to reflect back on the beginning of their relationships will agree if they are honest with themselves. My fiance and I joke about it sometimes.
Don't feel you have to limit yourself. You're planning on spending the rest of your life with this woman. Take your time, pick the right one.
@Mike & Will

Accepting that exclusivity is not a given is probably the biggest thing I can do for myself... As I said, historically, I've been a serial monogamist. Old habits die hard, & courting multiple women is a difficult concept for me to internalize.
If you are as you described yourself, dont worry about finding the "right one". She does not exist. Do everything for yourself, dont worry about chasing unicorns.
A brief clarification; I know better than to expect perfection, and I know that even the best relationships will have their difficulties. That said, it still isn't necessary for me to drastically lower my expectations.

I believe it's perfectly fair of me to seek someone who I find attractive and interesting, with compatible views on life/politics/family.
Get out there and enjoy yourself, the pressure of finding one girl or being mutually exclusive will stifle yourself while you're on the quest. Women are as/if not even more analytical, go out there and put them at ease.
I've done a fair deal of enjoying myself already. And I don't feel that I'm pressuring myself unduly to find a girl. I am aware, however, that my dating priorities have changed. I am no longer just looking to pass the time with female companionship. Ultimately, my romantic relationships need some future potential, or they aren't worth continuing.

My dilemma, here, is that I've suddenly got an over abundance of girls to choose from and that I would like to do so to my satisfaction without being rude to them.
Don't think of them as "dates" more like hanging out. I know this is not the most chivalrous approach but waiting for the right one to announce herself is no good either. Enjoy each womans company for what it is, getting to know each other.Then go from there.
I’ve recently been placed in a similar predicament (if indeed it might really be called such), and would like to second Mr. McGuire’s suggestion. I’ve been able to “hang out” enough with the assortment of nice young ladies I’ve recently met or been introduced to that I can now start narrowing down my interests.
I've got to come out in support of the AOM's position of dating women, as opposed to hanging out with them, and if you're older than 25, which I suspect the original poster is, it should only take about 2 dates to know if you're interested and to gauge whether or not she's interested. don't go on a third date with someone you don't want to see more of.


Latest Activity

Mongoose commented on Jon-Pierre Windsor's blog post May I ask for some advice or help?
"Jon-Pierre, I am not sure of the mental health care in your country, but it sounds very much like you could use some true help rather than just friendly advice. Your current state of mind has been so low for so long that it is affecting your entire…"
6 minutes ago
Liam Strain replied to Matt Rick's discussion Hunting: Questions, Concerns, and General Discussion!
"The nice thing about living in Mass, is you are not a very long drive from other states. "
12 minutes ago
Matt Rick replied to Herb Munson's discussion The Manly Chainsaw
"I have a little Stihl MS 210 with a 16" bar. Works great however I wish the chains had a couple more teeth. Sharpen the chains on the saw and only by hand. I've had a lot of practice at this as I worked as a landscaper for 8 years and we…"
13 hours ago
Sir replied to Native Son's discussion "Closed on Thanksgiving Day"
"I'm delighted the working class can have a day off on Thanksgiving."
14 hours ago
Jon-Pierre Windsor commented on Jon-Pierre Windsor's blog post May I ask for some advice or help?
"Thanks for the comments it is really appreciated. I did mean physically sick, I always go to the doctor but they can't seem to figure out what is wrong (I get bad sinus problems, difficulty breathing, random back pains, chest pains) but…"
15 hours ago
Jon-Pierre Windsor updated their profile
15 hours ago
Native Son posted a discussion

"Closed on Thanksgiving Day"

It's not even Halloween, and...I'm already seeing a lot of internet "business" posts about retailers not opening on Thanksgiving Day, and a bunch on which store will be open on Thanksgiving Day.  That's the US Thanksgiving Day.Anybody else old enough to remember when the retailers open on Thanksgiving were liquor stores and Standard Oil stations?  I mean in states without blue laws.See More
15 hours ago
Chip posted photos
16 hours ago

© 2016   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service