"Grew up in house where dad and son's hung out in undies I believe everynight watching tv playing games whatever familys do in the evening after settling down for the evenings, I even remember eating dinner that way many times. I…"
Cupid is a jokester...
I'm a young guy, single (never married, no kids), successful, and reasonably attractive. I've generally hit a point in my life where starting a family of my own weighs as a heavy consideration, so I'm on the watch for that perfect lady.
In the dating scene, I can usually be classified as a serial monogamist. I've never wanted to be a 'player' as I think that classification most readily embodies greed and narcissism, two traits that I try to keep on a very short leash. Additionally, It's confusing enough being involved with one woman, I can only imagine the chaos of juggling several.
So... Recently I've struck a deep well of dating opportunity. Several friends are trying to fix me up, I've met a couple nice girls on my own, and I got facebooked by an old Highschool flame.
How does a gentlemen go about exploring all of these options without being a jerk? While I believe that honesty and openness are important, and I should just tell the ladies that I'm dating around, dating etiquette (& experience) tell me that it's bad form to bring up other women. Ultimately, I will be with just one person, but I'd hate to discourage the right one while I'm making up my mind.
I know this is a trivial problem, and probably not a bad one to have. I'm sure I will find my own way through it, but I am curious to hear from anyone who has experience in this department.
In the dating scene, I can usually be classified as a serial monogamist. I've never wanted to be a 'player' as I think that classification most readily embodies greed and narcissism, two traits that I try to keep on a very short leash. Additionally, It's confusing enough being involved with one woman, I can only imagine the chaos of juggling several.
So... Recently I've struck a deep well of dating opportunity. Several friends are trying to fix me up, I've met a couple nice girls on my own, and I got facebooked by an old Highschool flame.
How does a gentlemen go about exploring all of these options without being a jerk? While I believe that honesty and openness are important, and I should just tell the ladies that I'm dating around, dating etiquette (& experience) tell me that it's bad form to bring up other women. Ultimately, I will be with just one person, but I'd hate to discourage the right one while I'm making up my mind.
I know this is a trivial problem, and probably not a bad one to have. I'm sure I will find my own way through it, but I am curious to hear from anyone who has experience in this department.
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Mike Norris on -
Well, women assume up until a point that you are not exclusive. They will probably have other dates too. While I applaud your honesty, remember that sometimes you don't need to reveal all details. If they ask you then be honest but limit what you tell them. A brief answer if fine.
*Don't rush into trying to settle down with a woman. All women, even the good ones want something that they can't have. There will always be some game playing at the beginning. I'm not talking about childish teenage games but you have to make a woman chase you a bit. That's just the way that it is. Most people, if they were to reflect back on the beginning of their relationships will agree if they are honest with themselves. My fiance and I joke about it sometimes.
Don't feel you have to limit yourself. You're planning on spending the rest of your life with this woman. Take your time, pick the right one.
-
Permalink Reply by Will on -
If you haven't promised exclusivity, then you haven't promised exclusivity.
I remember even from high school that everyone thought that if you had a date, you were An Item. But you aren't.
There are some things that you might avoid, that symbolically promise more commitment than you have: jewelry, or a dozen red roses.
-
Permalink Reply by Amateur Adventurer on -
@Mike & Will
Accepting that exclusivity is not a given is probably the biggest thing I can do for myself... As I said, historically, I've been a serial monogamist. Old habits die hard, & courting multiple women is a difficult concept for me to internalize.
-
Permalink Reply by Scott Omega on -
If you are as you described yourself, dont worry about finding the "right one". She does not exist. Do everything for yourself, dont worry about chasing unicorns.
-
Permalink Reply by Amateur Adventurer on
-
A brief clarification; I know better than to expect perfection, and I know that even the best relationships will have their difficulties. That said, it still isn't necessary for me to drastically lower my expectations.
I believe it's perfectly fair of me to seek someone who I find attractive and interesting, with compatible views on life/politics/family.
-
Permalink Reply by Dave on -
Get out there and enjoy yourself, the pressure of finding one girl or being mutually exclusive will stifle yourself while you're on the quest. Women are as/if not even more analytical, go out there and put them at ease.
-
Permalink Reply by Amateur Adventurer on
-
I've done a fair deal of enjoying myself already. And I don't feel that I'm pressuring myself unduly to find a girl. I am aware, however, that my dating priorities have changed. I am no longer just looking to pass the time with female companionship. Ultimately, my romantic relationships need some future potential, or they aren't worth continuing.
My dilemma, here, is that I've suddenly got an over abundance of girls to choose from and that I would like to do so to my satisfaction without being rude to them.
-
Permalink Reply by asa c mcguire on -
Don't think of them as "dates" more like hanging out. I know this is not the most chivalrous approach but waiting for the right one to announce herself is no good either. Enjoy each womans company for what it is, getting to know each other.Then go from there.
-
Permalink Reply by Alex J. taylor on -
I’ve recently been placed in a similar predicament (if indeed it might really be called such), and would like to second Mr. McGuire’s suggestion. I’ve been able to “hang out” enough with the assortment of nice young ladies I’ve recently met or been introduced to that I can now start narrowing down my interests.
-
Permalink Reply by Ryan McElroy on -
I've got to come out in support of the AOM's position of dating women, as opposed to hanging out with them, and if you're older than 25, which I suspect the original poster is, it should only take about 2 dates to know if you're interested and to gauge whether or not she's interested. don't go on a third date with someone you don't want to see more of.
Latest Activity
Luxinator replied to Big Bad Moose's discussion Questions of Morality"Wow Big Bad Moose.
Your question is great, and really well presented and valid.
Unfortunately there is no one answer. I wish were there was. I have spent my youth searching for the answer.
I think the Manly life is to deal with the uncertainty and…"
Luxinator replied to Augustin's discussion Accepting yourself"Hey Augustin,Plenty of great advice here.
You should be wary of "modern thought" which nowadays is poisoned by feminism and other liberal philosophies, which we see have NOT brought us to a new age of Aquarius or anything similar…"
Eric commented on Bruce Uall's group The Shirtless Man"Fred S. Davenport, Jr. Heartfelt congratulations for your steps forward. Thank you for sharing."
Fred S Davenport, Jr commented on Bruce Uall's group The Shirtless Man"I have hesitated to post here, but feel like I need to share a bit of my journey. I come from a VERY modest background and felt uncomfortable being shirtless in public. Add to that being overweight for most of my teen and adult life, plus some major…"
Luxinator replied to James Head's discussion Women, my curse!"James, it is also a Manly Art to curb the Manly Urge as you put it. In fact that is the crux of being a gentleman, ALL urges have to be controlled.
Think alcohol, in the old days it was a sign of manliness to "hold your liquour", not…"
© 2013 Created by Brett McKay.
Powered by
