I'm a young guy, single (never married, no kids), successful, and reasonably attractive. I've generally hit a point in my life where starting a family of my own weighs as a heavy consideration, so I'm on the watch for that perfect lady.

In the dating scene, I can usually be classified as a serial monogamist. I've never wanted to be a 'player' as I think that classification most readily embodies greed and narcissism, two traits that I try to keep on a very short leash. Additionally, It's confusing enough being involved with one woman, I can only imagine the chaos of juggling several.

So... Recently I've struck a deep well of dating opportunity. Several friends are trying to fix me up, I've met a couple nice girls on my own, and I got facebooked by an old Highschool flame.

How does a gentlemen go about exploring all of these options without being a jerk? While I believe that honesty and openness are important, and I should just tell the ladies that I'm dating around, dating etiquette (& experience) tell me that it's bad form to bring up other women. Ultimately, I will be with just one person, but I'd hate to discourage the right one while I'm making up my mind.

I know this is a trivial problem, and probably not a bad one to have. I'm sure I will find my own way through it, but I am curious to hear from anyone who has experience in this department.

Views: 80

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Well, women assume up until a point that you are not exclusive. They will probably have other dates too. While I applaud your honesty, remember that sometimes you don't need to reveal all details. If they ask you then be honest but limit what you tell them. A brief answer if fine.
*Don't rush into trying to settle down with a woman. All women, even the good ones want something that they can't have. There will always be some game playing at the beginning. I'm not talking about childish teenage games but you have to make a woman chase you a bit. That's just the way that it is. Most people, if they were to reflect back on the beginning of their relationships will agree if they are honest with themselves. My fiance and I joke about it sometimes.
Don't feel you have to limit yourself. You're planning on spending the rest of your life with this woman. Take your time, pick the right one.
@Mike & Will

Accepting that exclusivity is not a given is probably the biggest thing I can do for myself... As I said, historically, I've been a serial monogamist. Old habits die hard, & courting multiple women is a difficult concept for me to internalize.
If you are as you described yourself, dont worry about finding the "right one". She does not exist. Do everything for yourself, dont worry about chasing unicorns.
A brief clarification; I know better than to expect perfection, and I know that even the best relationships will have their difficulties. That said, it still isn't necessary for me to drastically lower my expectations.

I believe it's perfectly fair of me to seek someone who I find attractive and interesting, with compatible views on life/politics/family.
Get out there and enjoy yourself, the pressure of finding one girl or being mutually exclusive will stifle yourself while you're on the quest. Women are as/if not even more analytical, go out there and put them at ease.
I've done a fair deal of enjoying myself already. And I don't feel that I'm pressuring myself unduly to find a girl. I am aware, however, that my dating priorities have changed. I am no longer just looking to pass the time with female companionship. Ultimately, my romantic relationships need some future potential, or they aren't worth continuing.

My dilemma, here, is that I've suddenly got an over abundance of girls to choose from and that I would like to do so to my satisfaction without being rude to them.
Don't think of them as "dates" more like hanging out. I know this is not the most chivalrous approach but waiting for the right one to announce herself is no good either. Enjoy each womans company for what it is, getting to know each other.Then go from there.
I’ve recently been placed in a similar predicament (if indeed it might really be called such), and would like to second Mr. McGuire’s suggestion. I’ve been able to “hang out” enough with the assortment of nice young ladies I’ve recently met or been introduced to that I can now start narrowing down my interests.
I've got to come out in support of the AOM's position of dating women, as opposed to hanging out with them, and if you're older than 25, which I suspect the original poster is, it should only take about 2 dates to know if you're interested and to gauge whether or not she's interested. don't go on a third date with someone you don't want to see more of.

RSS

Latest Activity

Jay Wize replied to Penelope's discussion To circumcise or not? in the group Christian Men
"I'm circumcised and I never thought of it at a sacrifice. I'm used to it and can't imagine having the extra skin. So I don't think I'm missing anything and I'm happy with my penis and it's sensitivity. Now the scar…"
27 minutes ago
Jay Wize joined Tookie's group
Thumbnail

Christian Men

Regardless of the specifics, we can all agree on one thing. Jesus Christ was the perfect Man who died and rose again for us such that we could have fellowship with Him
27 minutes ago
Old School joined M Saxton's group
Thumbnail

PUB LIFE

This group is dedicated to those who love the pub culture and all the craic that goes with it! Share your favorite Pub/Bar/Tavern and the stories that go with it.
47 minutes ago
Michael J. K. added a discussion to the group The Art of Warriorness
Thumbnail

what it means to be a warrior -

For me it means taking care of those I love and not forgetting to take care of me at the same time.I am there for my family and friends.   I thought this excerpt  by Bohdi Sanders ~ excerpt from "WARRIOR: The Way of Warriorhood," was helpful for my understanding of being a Warrior.The great Sioux chief, Sitting Bull, once stated that, “Warriors are not what you think of as warriors. The warrior is not someone who fights…” At first, this statement seems strange and contrary to what most people…See More
1 hour ago
John Muir replied to Penelope's discussion To circumcise or not? in the group Christian Men
"Sure, but my whole point is that a person with a body part amputated 8 days after birth can't imagine what life is like with that body part as well as someone who's had it all his life can imagine it without. Rather like asking a kid with…"
1 hour ago
Naveen replied to Justin's discussion Tips on waking up earlier?
"You said the first 2 minutes of waking up are hard. Try drinking a glass of cold water or milk. I tried to get my self up with self discipline, nah that cold drink is a convenient hack. Feeling the coldness in your body brushes off the sleepiness,…"
1 hour ago
Sean replied to David R.'s discussion Profanity and Vulgarity
"I try and avoid the use of such words myself, although I do occasionally employ them. But I find the history of our tongue and how our language came about fascinating.  Our vulgarities are just that- vulgar, as in common.  They are among…"
1 hour ago
Michael J. K. replied to Mongoose's discussion Where Do We Draw Limits of Gender Changing? in the group The Great Debate
"what about people who are born with both and both are not all the way formed there are many  reasons a child may feel like they are in the wrong body Yes you may put age restrictions, but there may be other factors behind the change not just…"
1 hour ago

© 2016   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service