I'm a young guy, single (never married, no kids), successful, and reasonably attractive. I've generally hit a point in my life where starting a family of my own weighs as a heavy consideration, so I'm on the watch for that perfect lady.

In the dating scene, I can usually be classified as a serial monogamist. I've never wanted to be a 'player' as I think that classification most readily embodies greed and narcissism, two traits that I try to keep on a very short leash. Additionally, It's confusing enough being involved with one woman, I can only imagine the chaos of juggling several.

So... Recently I've struck a deep well of dating opportunity. Several friends are trying to fix me up, I've met a couple nice girls on my own, and I got facebooked by an old Highschool flame.

How does a gentlemen go about exploring all of these options without being a jerk? While I believe that honesty and openness are important, and I should just tell the ladies that I'm dating around, dating etiquette (& experience) tell me that it's bad form to bring up other women. Ultimately, I will be with just one person, but I'd hate to discourage the right one while I'm making up my mind.

I know this is a trivial problem, and probably not a bad one to have. I'm sure I will find my own way through it, but I am curious to hear from anyone who has experience in this department.

Views: 69

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Well, women assume up until a point that you are not exclusive. They will probably have other dates too. While I applaud your honesty, remember that sometimes you don't need to reveal all details. If they ask you then be honest but limit what you tell them. A brief answer if fine.
*Don't rush into trying to settle down with a woman. All women, even the good ones want something that they can't have. There will always be some game playing at the beginning. I'm not talking about childish teenage games but you have to make a woman chase you a bit. That's just the way that it is. Most people, if they were to reflect back on the beginning of their relationships will agree if they are honest with themselves. My fiance and I joke about it sometimes.
Don't feel you have to limit yourself. You're planning on spending the rest of your life with this woman. Take your time, pick the right one.
@Mike & Will

Accepting that exclusivity is not a given is probably the biggest thing I can do for myself... As I said, historically, I've been a serial monogamist. Old habits die hard, & courting multiple women is a difficult concept for me to internalize.
If you are as you described yourself, dont worry about finding the "right one". She does not exist. Do everything for yourself, dont worry about chasing unicorns.
A brief clarification; I know better than to expect perfection, and I know that even the best relationships will have their difficulties. That said, it still isn't necessary for me to drastically lower my expectations.

I believe it's perfectly fair of me to seek someone who I find attractive and interesting, with compatible views on life/politics/family.
Get out there and enjoy yourself, the pressure of finding one girl or being mutually exclusive will stifle yourself while you're on the quest. Women are as/if not even more analytical, go out there and put them at ease.
I've done a fair deal of enjoying myself already. And I don't feel that I'm pressuring myself unduly to find a girl. I am aware, however, that my dating priorities have changed. I am no longer just looking to pass the time with female companionship. Ultimately, my romantic relationships need some future potential, or they aren't worth continuing.

My dilemma, here, is that I've suddenly got an over abundance of girls to choose from and that I would like to do so to my satisfaction without being rude to them.
Don't think of them as "dates" more like hanging out. I know this is not the most chivalrous approach but waiting for the right one to announce herself is no good either. Enjoy each womans company for what it is, getting to know each other.Then go from there.
I’ve recently been placed in a similar predicament (if indeed it might really be called such), and would like to second Mr. McGuire’s suggestion. I’ve been able to “hang out” enough with the assortment of nice young ladies I’ve recently met or been introduced to that I can now start narrowing down my interests.
I've got to come out in support of the AOM's position of dating women, as opposed to hanging out with them, and if you're older than 25, which I suspect the original poster is, it should only take about 2 dates to know if you're interested and to gauge whether or not she's interested. don't go on a third date with someone you don't want to see more of.

RSS

Latest Activity

Will replied to Nick F's discussion Connecting with God Emotionally in the group Christian Men
"I wonder how common that view is -- that a major purpose of church is to experience emotion.  I've never heard it before."
56 seconds ago
Regular Joe replied to Nick F's discussion Connecting with God Emotionally in the group Christian Men
""You find a church that isn't like that.  Find a church that has a large population of men who seem to be active, and there voluntarily ... rather than because their wife told them to." Makes sense to me!"
14 minutes ago
Regular Joe replied to Nick F's discussion Connecting with God Emotionally in the group Christian Men
14 minutes ago
Regular Joe replied to Nick F's discussion Connecting with God Emotionally in the group Christian Men
""Some say it's become very domesticated where women feel welcomed and valued and men feel ill at ease in such an emotion and sentiment filled space." Well that's fucking weird. I thought one of the main purposes of church…"
17 minutes ago
Alan Robertson replied to Nick F's discussion Connecting with God Emotionally in the group Christian Men
"You make an excellent point about Mark Driscoll. I always enjoyed him in small doses and from a distance. I don't think I could have attended Mars Hill. But he was a man that spoke like a man to men.  This is how Paul spoke. (I'll…"
18 minutes ago
Jack Bauer replied to David F.'s discussion Pew Research on Trust of News Orgs. in the group The Great Debate
"That is a gross oversimplification.  The amygdala is associated with more than just fear.  It is associated with decision-making, including the processing of emotion and memory.  Not only 'fear', but processing all emotion…"
20 minutes ago
Regular Joe replied to Nick F's discussion Connecting with God Emotionally in the group Christian Men
""I am curious why you say the church has been more feminine in the recent past?" Ditto. "
21 minutes ago
Regular Joe replied to Nick F's discussion Connecting with God Emotionally in the group Christian Men
""As the church, we are the Bride of Christ and corporately feminine (in a sense)." That's open to interpretation. "
21 minutes ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service