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Could you spare me some advice about what to do about this girl?
Hello,
I'm 21yr old guy, I'm very shy, I've never had a girlfriend or even been on a date(pathetic, I know). There was a girl in high school I liked a lot, I saw her for the first time in three years this past weekend. She is the sister of one of my best friends. I've thought about asking her out, but I wouldn't want it to affect my friendship with him or her if it doesn't work out. Her brother knows I had a crush on her in high school and he was all for it, because he know I would be a good influence on her. A few things that I don't like about her is the kind of friends she hangs out with, country boys kind of guys and their girls. Also the fact that she is so close to her family(they like me), which is kind of rough and complicated. She isn't completely like them, but she does drink and she is only 18. I would never buy her alcohol, and I don't know how she would react to that. I will drink with her as long as we are at her house, where I wouldn't be the one responsible for her. Also she like to go to the fourwheeler mud events, and thats not something I'm goin to do. I like her and we've been friends for a while, she went to prom with me my senior year(wasn't great, but wasn't her fault). I live in a very small town(pop. 303), so everyone knows a lot about everybody. Me and my friends are like the black sheep in our town, we don't get wasted every weekend, we aren't out to just get laid, we are somewhat of gentlemen. What I'm getting at is that I'm in no way bad for her, if anything I would be good for her, I just don't know if I could put up with her friends and their bad influences. Any suggestions, or opinions?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nathanael on -
You won't know until you try. I don't see anything so terrible as to raise a serious red flag, so why not ask her out? Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't, but either way it's better to find out and move on with your life instead of wondering alone.
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Permalink Reply by The Dutch Dastard on -
I'm just wondering: If this girl has so many qualities you don't like or don't relate to, is she the girl for you? I've been nabbed by the 'year old crush' thing before, and people just change. Do you like the girl? Or do you like the memory?
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Permalink Reply by Chuck on -
Dastard, I wouldn't encourage Dylan to be more introspective than he already is.
Dylan, quit over thinking everything. In my not-so-humble opinion, your concerns are non-issues.
She is the sister of one of my best friends. I've thought about asking her out, but I wouldn't want it to affect my friendship with him or her if it doesn't work out.
This is a non-issue because...
Her brother knows I had a crush on her in high school and he was all for it, because he know I would be a good influence on her.
Your buddy approves. Thus, all is well.
A few things that I don't like about her is the kind of friends she hangs out with...
You are under no obligation to hang out with her friends. In fact, I highly advise against it.
Also the fact that she is so close to her family(they like me), which is kind of rough and complicated. She isn't completely like them, but she does drink and she is only 18.
I surmise from this statement that her family has its fair share of alcohol abuse. I agree with you, that's rough. But remember, just because she's close to her family doesn't mean you have to be. You're best buds with her brother, that should be close enough.
I would never buy her alcohol, and I don't know how she would react to that.
Who cares how she would react? If you're determined to stick to this principle, or any principle for that matter, it is not your responsibility to predict, or even care, what anyone else thinks about your convictions. This includes her.
I will drink with her as long as we are at her house, where I wouldn't be the one responsible for her.
So you'll let her alcoholic parents be responsible for her? If you really don't trust her family that much, this just sounds like bad judgement.
Also she like to go to the fourwheeler mud events, and thats not something I'm goin to do.
Then don't do it. Just because you want her to be your girlfriend doesn't mean you have to do everything together. You are still your own person.
What I'm getting at is that I'm in no way bad for her, if anything I would be good for her, I just don't know if I could put up with her friends and their bad influences.
Then don't hang out with her friends. If she's going to go hang out with her friends than let her do that on her own, you have better things to be doing. You're going to be her boyfriend, not her guardian angel.
My advice is to quit over thinking everything. You're not qualifying her to be the mother of your children, so there's no need to scrutinize her over details like her poor choice in friends and her shitty family life. If I were you, I'd invite her over to my place for drinks and just see how things unfold.
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Permalink Reply by Suburban Sentinel on -
I'm with Dutch on this one. It seems that you are attracted to her based on your past familiarity more than anything else.
Perhaps you might consider moving. Doesn't sound like Mayberry RFD suits you very well.
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Permalink Reply by Aaron Duddles on -
I agree with you two. However, I would still go with what Nathanael is saying. Going on one date does not mean you're dating, it just means you went on one date. If it works and you guys have fun, go on a second, and so on and so forth.
The worst thing that could happen is she says "no", you have an awkward day or two, and then you go back to being right where you were before, except this time you have clarification.
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Permalink Reply by Joseph Casson on -
I suggest the one man advice that I have always been told and am finally working on at this point: pull your finger out and ask her to meet up with you. Make it something you know you'll both enjoy and just go for it. Don't call it a date; it's sop loaded and off-putting as a phrase. See if you can make the meetings more regular and take it from there.
I don't see what the problem you have with buying her alcohol comes from, are you in a country where the drinking age is higher than that? If she likes the four-wheeler mud events, that's her enjoyment, not yours. How well do you know her friends? They may be country boys, but acting like they are all the same is not only stereotyping and impolite, but it's going to cause you problems with the lady if you don't give them a chance to get to know them.
Some of the wording in this, and I don't mean to be offensive, sounds reminiscent of 'White Knight Syndrome.' It's her choice who she has as friends and what she does with her life, so all this 'good influence' and 'not liking her friends' is like saying you're interested because you like what you think you can change her to be. If that's the grounds of this, then it's not going to work.
I'd think a while as to what exactly it is you want from this relationship, what you want to bring to it, and what you think she would want, after all it takes two for a relationship, but it takes understanding for it to really work
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Permalink Reply by Dan P on -
His profile shows he's in Texas. Legal drinking age is 21 in the States.
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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on -
Ask her out. Do something you will both enjoy but don't try too hard, just hang out. As for her liking certain things that you're not into that's ok, my wife and I don't like all the same things she doesn't like golf and I'm not into scrap booking. As for her friends don't think you're going to get her to change her friends and try to get to know them better. Some of them may turn out to be pretty ok.
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Permalink Reply by Alex on
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Just ask her on a fucking date man. You can't catch a fish if you don't have your bait in the water.
Just wrap it before you tap it.
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Permalink Reply by Chuck on
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+1
no,
+1000
Actually, can I just copy/paste this and use it as a reply to every guy that starts a "should I ask her out" thread?
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Sure why not, but be sure to include this story if things go south when you buy a lady a drink:
I was in a bar with my co-workers on st patricks day and more than a few drinks in I was inebriated. There was this very attractive woman at the end of the bar sitting all alone and think "Well shit no one's going for it tally ho!" I ask the bartender for whatever drink she was drinking, go up and hand it to her. Upon handing her the drink and some small talk she says, "Where does someone like you get away with talking to someone like me". My response was" Lady, you've got me all wrong, I was buying you a drink out of sympathy for how ugly you are!" The three bouncers were not amused and I had to make like titties and bounce.
Moral of the story:
Rule 1) Look Cool.
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