Sorry for bringing up this topic, but I have exactly the same problem. It ruined my last relationship with a wonderful woman who I still love by all my heart. Had I started working on the issue earlier, we might be still together. Anyway, there are great posts here, some of them offer very good solutions.
I am really glad you brought this thread back. I am new here and I would have never seen this topic had you not done so. While I'm not sure if they did anything for the OP, Dave Kerwin's responses to him have flipped a switch in my head. Without too much detail there was a LOT of upheaval in my life when I was a kid and so control is a big thing for me as a defense mechanism. Thanks for bring this back and I hope that you find the answer you need.
It's unhealthy to bottle up your anger (bottled-up anger may cause depression). Anger is natural. You'll always feel it, even if you supress it, and we men are naturally more aggressive; you can't turn off your anger but you feel uncomfortable with the way you express your anger and you want to change it. It's possible but it will take time, so don't beat yourself up.
I had a teacher who taught us a technique to control anger. When he felt it coming, he would count to 10 mentally and take a deep breath. It doesn't stop the anger but it helps you control it and act rationally.
Hope that helps.
Well, it's a bit different story. People get angry from time to time - it's absolutely a normal thing. However guys like the OP or me have something that's abnormal. These outbursts of anger are extremely destructive and you need all the self-control you have to calm down before you do something irreversibly wrong. My last girlfriend broke up with me, because of these outbursts. The relationship lasted for 8 months and there were around 4-5 bigger outbursts. It may sound a bit cheesy, but it's the most effective way to destroy any kind of love the people feel toward you. Of course, you always realize that you were a douchebag approx. 15 minutes after you had become a living volcano. You apologize and shit, but it doesn't make things undone. I try as hard as I can to get rid of this part of my personality (which I undoubtedly inherited from my father), and be a better man who has full control over himself.
I see now. The funny thing is (if I can call that funny), my father is exactly like that. After sometimes even if he raised his voice (not necessarily in an outburst of anger), I would literally shiver out of nervousness. There are things we don't say to him, afraid it might cause one of those outbursts.
Honestly, I don't know what to say in this case. Sorry. But I do believe there must be some way to express it differently.