Confrontation

To give a little background about the situation I'm in, the boyfreind of a long-time female freind of mine has been giving me a lot of hassle latley due to the fact he's convinced that I'm trying to steal his girlfreind from him (I'm not, and there is no plausible evidence for this other than that I spend time with her occasionally, in a sixth form room filled with people.

 

By now I'm going home miserable and annoyed every day, and I've had enough. I'm not a popular person (argumentitive, slightly annoying at times, not exactly eye candy, I could go on). Point is, he's a got a small group of freinds who laugh along with him (despite the fact that I've stood up for one of them and given another advice) so it will be hard to get him to take me seriously without being laughed off. The only way I can seriously consider to get him to take me seriously is through the threat of violence (his freinds are more than happy to annoy me, but they'd be terrifyed of a fight). Problem here is it's been years since I got into a fight, and I'm probably going to have to follow up on the threat to be taken seriously.

 

I really don't like it when people resort to violence to feel right, but it's starting to feel like it's my only option to get him to start being mature, and talk about it like the 16 year olds we're meant to be.

 

What's everyone's advice on the matter?

Tags: confrontation, fighting, form, sixth, violence

Views: 425

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on January 29, 2013 at 5:48pm

Tell him to have a coke and a smile and STFU. If that doesn't work punch him in his snotlocker.

You're 16. That's what 16 y/o's do.

Permalink Reply by Will on January 29, 2013 at 5:56pm

Forget violence.  It's entirely possibly you'll lose the fight.  If you don't, you will have established that you can win a fight, but not that you're not trying to steal his girlfriend.

Forget getting him to take you seriously.  You can't make people do things.

I'd say the best way is to not take him seriously when he does that.  If you do that internally, it won't bother you.  Externally, that might look like this:

"I can understand why you'd be worried.  Not everyone can be as handsome as me."

"Ah, you've found me out.  We've been making passionate love in the classroom.  The teacher gave us both top marks!"

Saphir (Safire?) modes of communication:  leveling ("I'm going to level with you:  I'm not interested in her"), attacking, placating (that's bound to lose), and computer mode, which takes all the emotion out and distracts.  Leveling *might* work.  If not, computer mode could help.  He:  You spend a awful lot of time in that study room with her.  You:  Not nearly enough.  I've got a midterm coming up. or better yet make it abstract.  You:  I suppose people do spend more time studying at midterms -- maybe it's better to study as you go along, rather than cramming.

Then there's also ways to change the subject to something more useful.  He:  You spend an awful lot of time in that study room with her.  You:  I never see you there.  Why not?  or  Ah, well, you spend time with her in a social situation, right?  I'm so busy with schoolwork these days -- it must be nice!

That is, there are lots of options; you just don't want to fall into traps like:  trying to convince; pleading; explaining; arguing; insulting.  That is, things you know aren't going to work.  I suspect there's no right answer.  Anyway, here are some ideas:  maybe one of them will help.

Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on January 29, 2013 at 6:00pm

Good suggestions, Will. Of course when he's exhausted all those options he can still punch him in his snotlocker.

(only 1 more instance to go for the snotlocker trifecta!)

Permalink Reply by Phil Swatton on January 29, 2013 at 6:14pm

I'd love to, problem is the sixth form being non-compulsory education is a little tighter on rules than school, so I'd rather exhaust other options first. But don't get me wrong, the thought alone gives me satisfaction.

Permalink Reply by Phil Swatton on January 29, 2013 at 6:12pm

Thanks for the advice. I should have probably come up with making a joke of situation myself, but the combination of his and his freind's attitude towards me latley and the exams has had me too stressed to think it out properly.

Permalink Reply by StaggerLee on January 29, 2013 at 5:59pm

Blow him off, It seems he isn't worth worrying about. If he gets physical do what you gotta do. Otherwise ignore him.

Permalink Reply by Phil Swatton on January 29, 2013 at 6:15pm

Yeah, I often have a problem with stressing out over things more than I should. Thanks for the advice

Permalink Reply by Shane on January 29, 2013 at 6:44pm

Three words, one question.  "Want a beer?"

Permalink Reply by Liam R. on January 29, 2013 at 6:50pm

Something that usually works well is just passively agreeing with his ridiculous insults like he is a toddler telling you he can fly. If he says something, you just reply "whatever you say, sweetheart." Eventually, the friends will realize how childish he is being, or they will get bored of the same game. He probably wouldn't do it unless he had the audience, so there you go.  Also, never start the fight, but if it starts, end it.

Permalink Reply by Aaron Howard on January 29, 2013 at 7:11pm

hit him with a brick.

OR realize that you are 16 and he is a child and be the bigger child and just don't be around him. if he does just ignore him and if he makes a big to do about it ask him what he gets from picking on you, is it fun or is it just reassuring to him because he is an insecure child. make sure you do this in front of other people.

Permalink Reply by Corey C. Jordan on January 29, 2013 at 8:12pm

Here's my advice... Find another friend. However, have a private conversation with this butthole first. 

Stick your face in his...

"The next time you bust my balls about this, I'm gonna kick you so hard in your ass that you'll have to unbutton your collar to play with your little pee wee pecker. Understand?"

Mean it, and do it if he's arrogant enough to think you won't....

Now, I'm from a generation where talking it out was viewed as nothing more than postponing the inevitable. Your friend needs to understand that he is an insecure little turd, and that if he insults you again, you'll give him a full-blown complex to contend with.

Permalink Reply by Michael B. on January 29, 2013 at 9:10pm

Too many dogs at the dish.

Your adversary senses competition. This doesn't make him strange, or even strangely aggressive. He's got his dam, and he is going to protect it. You, admit it or not, are a threat.

It doesn't even matter if you are trying to move in oh her, you are capable of it by the nature of being another male.

He's not crazy, you are oblivious.

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