Men, I'm new to the forums (first post) but I've been a fan of this site for a while. I was hoping to get some input. Lately, I've been undergoing (thanks in part to this website) an internal metamorphosis as I recognize I have what I call "Baskins Syndrome". It's entirely made-up, but it's the term I use to describe the all-too-common phenomenon of guys my age (22 years, sometimes older) who are essentially boys walking around in a man's body. In fact, that's the inspiration for the name: "Baskin" was the last name of Tom Hanks' character in "Big" which, if you recall, was about a boy who wishes to become a man and ends up having the wish granted.

I was watching Skyfall the other night (I was raised on James Bond) and it hit me: James Bond is exactly the kind of man I want to be (albeit I'd rather stay non-fictional). He's completely satisfied with the career he's chosen even in the worst of times and he goes above and beyond. He takes care of himself physically (more or less) and cares somewhat about how he dresses. He knows how to deal gracefully with those who are antagonistic towards him, how to command respect, how to attract gorgeous women, and how to be completely independent. My question is this: If that is the kind of man I want to be, what is the best, most comprehensive book or material on making the transition from Baskins syndrome case to 007? Thanks.

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It's sad, really, that all the guys my age want everything their parents had but do not recognize that our parents had to wait years for most of it.

No they didn't.

Shane's correct. 

None of our parents or grandparents waited for years to get what they've got.

They worked like hell for years to get it and keep it.

I don't think they had to wait years for most of it.  I think they had a mentality of setting goals, setting resources to those goals and making it work, focused on those goal.  

They also enjoyed success ALONG the way.  The key is to set up a road of tasks and milestones.  Success can be as simple as a fine meal and a glass of fine drink, with the moment savored.

We have so much choice that we get locked up.  We have so many messages driving us to consume as the marketers wish that we get locked up.  We also don't share our goals with our friends to form support networks to success.

success along the way?

I think for past generations - our parents and grandparents, depending on your age - success was defined as making a better life for your children. We lost that perspective and are so self focused we can't imagine sacrificing anything today for future generations or even for our own delayed gratification.  We have built a nice little world for ourselves that we can celebrate every night. Maybe a fine wine and expensive dinner, maybe two buck chuck, a cheap beer and cable TV. We numb ourselves quite well - with products and 'stuff' some corporation spends huge sums of money making us believe we want and need.

Um, Bond isn't at the policy level.  Bond is the blunt instrument of destruction with a refined gentleman's veneer.  

He's literally the junior officer who boards the sinking U-boat with every intention of shooting anybody who gets between him and the Enigma code books.  (That's pretty much who the fictional character was based upon.)

In a "Mad Men", Playboy club era, Bond cuts a dramatic, and rather romantic, figure, but only in the context of the Playboy Philosophy.

Fair point.

Really all of these archetypes are structures for us to drape our ambitions on as motivation to do better.  Be it Bond, or a poster or whatever forms a nudge to do better.

Being James Bond is a boy's dream, not a man's.

IMO, if Bond is your idol, you aren't ready to be a man. It's fiction. No one is completely satisfied with their career in the worst of times except one dimensional characters like him. He doesn't command respect, he visits violence upon anyone who gets in his way.

I hate to be the one to say this, but if you think mimicking a fictional govt. sponsored sociopath killer is the road to manhood, I feel sorry for you.

Mike - I honor your vulnerability in asking this question. I think the answers various men give here are a sign of how prevalent the 'boys in men's body' / Baskin syndrome is. Some men recognize it - others have no idea.

There is lots of reasoning why this is so - and it is an issue that needs to be dealt with, since it is tearing at the fabric of all societies - men all over the world are feeling the same.

Historically young boys were torn away from their mothers, taken through a ceremony of initiation and returned to the village as men. This has occurred in all cultures around the world - until the post modern/industrial era.

It takes men to initiate men and unfortunately we have lost a generation or two of men and now there are few initiated men to initiate the next generation.

Seriously take the steps to seek solution to your question - now!  Check out http://mankindproject.org/  or for a powerful initiation recognizing God's power in the process

The first thing you will learn if your search is honest is that the images Hollywood gives us are totally false. (although Bond and Bourne are my favorites)

There is so much more I could share with you about this - contact me if interested.

Here's to your journey - it is a noble quest

Alright iam going to be the dick who says it. You can try to be like Bond but you will not be him. The first reason is that he is a fictional idealised book/TV character. He never takes a shit, never says something stupid and never strikes out on a women. This is pretty much the equivalent to women pointing at a model in a magazin and saying "I want to be like her."

The second reason is that you dont get a unique charme just by trying to be a copy. Look at Connery, Craig or Brosnan they are all different, because they impersonate themselfes to some degree. Real confidence can only come when you are totally fine with yourself. You dont ask "what would Bond in this situation do?" You dont even ask what you would do, you just do it.

You aim should just be to totally fine about yourself while also aiming to improve in some fields. I cant tell you how to do it. In the end it is up to you. Its not about trying to be more confident. You just need to find out what you want to do and then start working to get it. Your experiences, your failures and successes along this road will transform you to the man you want to be.

Welcome to the forums, Mike, and glad to see another young man (just turned 22 myself) on the path of self-improvement.  Also, love the "syndrome" phrase.  I might just use it down the road to explain why I've taken such a different lifestyle from my peers.

I can see exactly the appeal of Mr. Bond and agree he's just so...damn...suave sometimes it makes me jealous.  But usually I tend to realize he's just too damn suave, and, as many others have posted here, that's because he's fiction and we, as humans, can never live up to the images Hollywood puts before us.

But what's great is you've realized there is an image of manliness you lack and want to pursue!  The big point I'll make is this: You can't find your manhood by copying that of a single man's.  The old adage "It takes a village to raise one child" comes to mind here, except along the lines that a boy needs multiple images of manhood to create his own.  

If you want your own brand of virility in life, you need to branch out and find additional role models to learn from.  Sure, Bond is a great-looking, sharp-talking guy, but he's never handled power like Theodore Roosevelt, enjoyed the wonder of nature like Henry Thoreau, journey out for the sake of discovery like Ernest Shackleton, loved unconditionally like Forrest Gump, or lived with women and children like a married man.  Every man who comes before us has good and bad traits we can learn from, and I challenge you not to be star-struck by the goods of a single role model to the exclusion of countless other, amazing men.

Do you have any other men who pop up as possible role-models besides Bond right now?

Well Spoken Matt - you speak well for a youngster (take it as a compliment)

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