If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. Which one's have you heard?

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Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris has an F13 key.

Chuck Norris can burn ants with a magnifying glass at night. True story.

Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.

That's not a solar eclipse, the sun is trying to hide from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris once threw a roundhouse kick so fast, his foot went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart on her trip across the Atlantic

It apparently also changed the ocean involved....

+1 (well played)

God said let there be light, but chuck norris told him to turn it on.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun... Don Draper sleeps with women. 

Chuck Norris shops for groceries at Home Depot.... Don Draper doesn't shop, that is womens' work. 

Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can. Don Draper doesn't own a can opener because bourbon does not come in cans. 


 Chuck Norris is the best a man can ever get. Don Draper is the best a woman can ever have. 


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