I have been married for 22 years I love my wife and she loves me. I have carried a lot of childhood issues that caused me to treat my wife badly for a long time and it took it's toll on her even though she stayed with me. In October last year she started talking to a guy on line and they developed a relationship. I was that self involved even though she told me about the site she was on and mentioned the guy I didn't chase up and find out more. After having this guy care about her for 4 months she wanted to leave me as I was not giving her enough attention. I went to see a councillor and am getting help and getting better and we are still together but she will not give this guy up. This guy lives on the other side of the planet and is not going to leave his family but he and my wife have formed a bond as they are very much the same. They have a very sexual content to their communications and pictures have been sent but that is as far as it will go they both are certain. My wife put it to me that either we split and ruin a 22 year good marriage or I get to know this guy and we can have on line sex 3somes with him watching and we would all be part of the relationship. My wife and I have had 3somes and that is fine but it's the way my wife feels for this guy that gets me. It may last it may not as his wife and he may fix things or my wife and I may reconnect and she will no longer feel the need for this guy but all this is not known and the only other option is to leave and break up my whole family as all the hurt I have caused her she doesn't trust me so will not give up this guy (her support) for me.
My question is am I an idiot to even try this (the sex may be exciting and I still love my wife) or is it a lost cause.
If people have been part of an open relationship before I would appreciate your in put.
Thank you for your words I will read the book and move forward from there. You have given much more incite than I could have expected.
I walked at tangled path to get to my place in life. Glad I made a few mistakes/learning pain before I dated the woman who would agree to be my wife.
All I'll say is that functional open relationships do not usually start off as experiments to fix dysfunctional closed relationships.
Sorry OP, it sucks your wife is unfaithful
But if I were you, I'd tell her to drop him or she can get out and find a new place to live.
Don't let your woman cuckold you, lay down the law.
I encourage you to read the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Bill Harley.
You can also read his articles on www.marriagebuilders.com.