I should clarify the title of my post -- should I buy a birthday present for my best friend's fiance? They've been together for 5 years, and recently got engaged, and I'm best man at the wedding. I know the girl, we've hung out (all 3 together) a few times, and she and I get along. A few years back, I got her a Christmas present, but I haven't gotten her anything since (not for Christmas or bdays). And she's never given me anything on either dates. But I'm wondering now, after my friend's engagement, should I get her something? I'm just curious. I won't see her on her bday, but I will see my friend a few days before.

Views: 709

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

No, especially since you won't be seeing her on her birthday.  If you really want to give something, give your friend a bottle of wine when you see him that they can have to celebrate her birthday. 

I like that idea:  if you want to give, give THEM something. 

Hmm, not that I disagree with these replies, but any reason why not (why I should not get her a present)? Just curious.

Because she isn't your girl, she hasn't given you gifts, and she didn't invite you to a birthday party.

Why do you think you should?


JB

Jack,

+1 for all three reasons given.

Because giving gifts to a woman you aren't related to, that is within ball-part of your age of opposite-sex interest, is a great way to send the message "I find you attractive and would like to get to know you better."  That's not your intention, so it's best not to send a message that at least raises the question of whether that's what you meant.

You *should* get her something.  In fact, I disagree with the reasons listed, and here's why.  My assumptions are as follows...

 

1)  She is joining your circle of friends through marriage

2)  You want to acknowledge that act

3)  It is your intention to include her as a friend, at that different level that requires recognition at gift giving holidays

4)  You're not certain how to approach her, in this regard.

 

In other words, you need the excuse to make it happen "naturally."

 

Here's what I would do.  Since you don't currently exchange gifts, and because it's a birthday, use the excuse to begin the tradition.  She's joining your group, so go ahead and acknowledge it!  But, do it in one of two ways...

 

1)  Give her a really nice card.  It establishes that giving-receiving relationship without being too heavy handed.  OR...

2)  Give a gift to *them.*  That was a very good idea, and it would work to include her, without singling her out.

 

And, when giving it, "welcome her to the family," specifically  Make certain it's understood that your intention is to shift her into a different level of friendship.

 

It gracefully places her in that "close circle" of friends, without being too heavy handed.

Well said, Chuck.

 

 

If your friends name is Jessie " no "

Awesome response!

Not unless she was one of your good friends, too. So I don't think you need too. If you really feel you must, agreed--give "them" both something.

A further thought.

Do you and your friend exchange birthday and/or Christmas gifts? 

If you don't, DO NOT start by giving something just to her.

 

 

RSS

Latest Activity

Charles Dodd replied to Sir's discussion Loneliness
"Brett McKay wrote a couple articles about male friendships up at the main AoM website. Here's the title and first paragraph from one: Title: Making and Keeping Man Friendships Several weeks ago we posted an article about the history and…"
3 minutes ago
Byron Solomon left a comment for Byron Solomon
"Thanks for the welcome, Anders! Always excited to gain insight from fellow historians!"
9 minutes ago
Nature of a Man replied to Sir's discussion Loneliness
"I don't see any solution; life for middle-aged, middle-classed white males like me is simply too busy and compartmentalized. Well there has to be a "why" behind this; maybe uncovering the "why" this is, is the first step. If…"
18 minutes ago
Nature of a Man posted a discussion

A bizarre dating trend I see

Maybe this is just me, but one trend I tend to with people looking for someone to date or marry is some fixation on "common interests" or the other person "liking all the same stuff, e.x. music, hobbies, sports, etc" as me.To me this just seems... weird, and doesn't seem to jive with history; romantic relationships to me are primarily about attraction and love, and the specific 'activities' you do together aren't really that important, it's really about the bonding and connection.Not about a…See More
20 minutes ago
Salt Dragon left a comment for Visal Sudhakaran
"Welcome Visal!"
23 minutes ago
Carl Monster replied to Sir's discussion Loneliness
"Ha, good article on middle age. I have some old friends. I have a wonderful wife, great family. I enjoy people I work with (more or less), and my show has even brought me some limited notoriety locally, along with some awesome contacts in my…"
25 minutes ago
Carl Monster replied to Vendetta's discussion Men & Exercise
"I find when people put out super-challenging stuff like this it overwhelms them, they despair and stay on the couch. Maybe a thread on daily walks? :)"
31 minutes ago
Salt Dragon left a comment for JAMES D M MILLER
"welcome James! anders"
32 minutes ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service