Break up with current GF or not?

Hey,

I know this question probably gets asked alot but I can't seem to find a post similar to mine so hoping you guys can help.

I an 28 and my gf is 26. We met at work and have been dating for 2 years. We are generally happy, I still love her, trust her and find her attractive.

I've known she wanted to get married for awhile now and there has been a few things which annoy me about her for example she works too many hours and I
feel like she puts work ahead of our time. She is also a big spender and we don't enjoy the same type of food (important to me lol)

Rcently she has really started putting the pressure on me in relation to moving in or proposing. I've managed to talk my way out of it but saying it will come when it comes and truthfully sometimes
I can see myself marrying her but sometimes I can't. We are planning a trip to Europe together however some comments here and there have triggered my unhappiness again. e.g Trip is 3 weeks but she became very annoyed the fact that it is
3 weeks and

I have told her the issues I have with the relationship and she has been trying to work on them and has definately improved, But I still don't think I can accept it at the current stage she is in and I feel like
I won't be able to commit to marriage until this has been resolved.

The main reason why I have been in this relationship for this long is hoping that she would change however I think it is getting to the point where I have to make the decision whether I can live with it, and I don't think I can settle.

Background: My previous gf of 5 years (before the current one) was great however it got to the point where it got to the point where basically it was lets get married or break up and I chose the break up option. I had been struggling with the issue
for some time. It was hard but in the end it was definately the right decision.

I don't want to hurt her but am I hurting her/me more by staying in this? Am I wasting both our time?



James

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by LShieldes on June 7, 2012 at 10:10am

You want to end it because she is professionally driven and will order different things than you at the resaurant?

Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on June 7, 2012 at 10:26am

Her. Curb. Kick.

If you're asking us you've already made your decision and are just looking for confirmation.

Permalink Reply by Paul_of_TX on June 7, 2012 at 10:28am

Shieldes makes some good points. Don't drag her down. The two of you should split you are wasting each others time.

Permalink Reply by Suburban Sentinel on June 7, 2012 at 10:32am

Sounds like you're looking for a custom fit in an off the rack world.  Do you really think she will change?  If she does change for you what makes you think she won't revert back to prior habits or resent you for not wanting her "as is".

Either she is or she ain't the one; people aren't made to order.

                           

Permalink Reply by Nick H on June 7, 2012 at 10:46am

If you got to ask then you already know the answer. Just do it soon so she can get on with her life sooner.

Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on June 7, 2012 at 10:52am

You either accept her or you don't and it sounds like you don't.  End it.  You said sometimes you can see marrying her and sometimes you don't.  If you're not sure then you're not ready.  If you go into the marriage like you are neither one of you will be happy and you'll end up divorced with kids, an unfortunate ending for all involved especially the kids.  I would suggest splitting the trip up and not staying with each other but taking the trip separately if possible otherwise one or the other should buy out the other and take the trip with a friend.

Permalink Reply by Mike D. on June 7, 2012 at 11:09am

For the most part people don't change.  If she works a lot now chances are she always will.  If she's a spender she'll probably always be a spender. 

It's worth it for the two of you to sit down and talk about what you expect in a relationship and then spend some alone time thinking about if that's what you have and who each of you want to be.  If she likes working long hours it's not a bad thing necessarily, but it means you're not right for eachother. 

I think after you talk though you'll break up.  The two of you sound like you want different things.

Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on June 7, 2012 at 11:09am

I don't think the problem is she's not the girl for you.  The problem is you're not the guy for her.

You'll burn her by breaking it off now.  But, you'll burn her worse the longer you wait ... or if you marry her, then divorce her later.  Your reasons are ridiculous.  But, I don't even think they're the real reasons -- the real reason is the same reason you dumped the last long-term girlfriend.


The reasons don't matter.  With a mindset like yours, you wouldn't be a very good husband.  You've got two choices -- change, or let her go find someone more suited to the job.  You'd be better off with the former.  She'll probably be better off with the latter.


JB

Permalink Reply by Rebekah on June 7, 2012 at 11:52am

+1

And if a man I wasn't living with complained both that I work too hard and spend too much, I'd kick him to the curb. You don't get a say in people's finances until they're also your finances.

Permalink Reply by Nathanael on June 7, 2012 at 12:12pm
I agree with Jack and Rebecca--the problem isn't her, it's you. You clearly have commitment issues, because while you think these women you date are good enough to spend years of your life with, you get skittish at the prospect of marriage. You (unrealistically) expect the woman you marry to fit perfectly to you, and because you're afraid of commitment you look for reasons why whatever woman you're actually with doesn't.
Permalink Reply by Will on June 7, 2012 at 1:19pm

I don't think I can settle.

There's your answer.  If marrying her is "settling," you'll resent her for it.  For that matter, you already do.  

Permalink Reply by Jared on June 13, 2012 at 12:44am

If you dont feel that your feelings will change about her, if she stays just as she is.. you should probably part ways. At this point you should know..its been long enough, so you may only be prolonging your anxiety and increasing her heartbreak.

If you dont want her, let her go 

 

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