In Brett's book he published some non profane insults from the likes of good ol' Teddy Roosevelt. I gave the book to my nephew so I can't quote them at the moment. What I would like to see in this thread is either new or quoted non profane zingers that attack character and behaviour without completely loosing decorum.
Permalink Reply by Corey C. Jordan on A few...
A co-worker had major surgery and has recovered well.
"I heard that the surgery took two hours longer than anticipated."
"Yes", he replied, "it did."
"That's too bad...."
"Yeah, it sucked."
"That, and they had no time left over to work on your face."
Friend buys a BMW 630i convertible. He shows me the car, beaming the entire time.
"So, what do you think?" he asked.
"I like it, but if I were you, I'd shop in the men's department."
If anyone has ever called you a hemorrhoid, just take a minute and remind them of exactly what it is that gets irritated by a hemorrhoid....
"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person." Then simply walk away and leave your adversary to ponder the implications.
"The boy's nuttier than a squirrel turd!" (not exactly classy, but very popular in Iowa)
"It appears your gene pool could have used a bit more chlorine." I don't know why, but i hear this one at work a lot.
In addition, many "Professional Sounding" medical abbreviations are veiled insults on a patient. Example being GOMER ("We've got a GOMER in ER room 5.") means "Get Out of My ER!
Speaking of professional colloquialisms, "FNG" come to mind: Fucking New Guy.
Permalink Reply by Chuck Knight on My office labels them ID-10-T errors. ID10T. (Computer tech)
Permalink Reply by IMWilson on
I'm not saying you're stupid. I'm just saying you have a problem when it comes to thinking.
Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Permalink Reply by Chuck Knight on Bless your heart. Aren't you special.
They're regional, and both are well known to any Texan.
Permalink Reply by Michael on Those two are such softer insults though.
"Bless your heart" meant much less as an insult than not.
The best I heard was the first day I arrived to OBC at Fort Knox, sitting outside the Commanding Officer's Office waiting to report in, I could hear through the wall the final ass-chewing of a Lieutenant, who had committed some unforgivable act, before he was a civilian again.
I wish I could remember the whole diatribe, but the best line partway through was "You are a damned disgrace to this sacred Republic of the United States of America."
Permalink Reply by Chuck Knight on There was no requirement that the insults be mean...only that they be manly.
Proper and appropriate use makes them manly.
Trust me, it is quite possible to express complete disdain, without swearing or even raising your voice. Ass-chewing is not required.
Heck, I can be completely insulting with a little body language and a raised eyebrow...no words required.
Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on Trust me, it is quite possible to express complete disdain, without swearing or even raising your voice. Ass-chewing is not required.
Very well said. Reminds me of the scene in Top Gun where Mav and Goose are standing outside the office listening to Viper get his ass chewed by the tower boss who spilled his coffee on himself when M&G did the fly-by. After he ran into the seaman who was carrying coffee he yelled "Goddammit! That's twice!!!" then Viper walked out by M&G and quietly said "That will about cover the fly-bys".
Edit to add: They cut this clip right before Viper's comment.
Permalink Reply by Jonathan Burdette on These are some rather funny ones I heard from a movie.
You're abrasive and off-putting! You try to say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance... so therefore nothing is provocative, it's just mixed metaphors.
Your penmanship is atrocious!
And my favorite,
You dress in the manner of a male prostitute!
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