Ok guys need some advice.

Last month my best friend accused me of trying to ruin his career by not telling him that I was applying for a job that he also was going to apply for (we found that neither one of us would be considered). But still it came out of nowhere.

Some background on my friend. There's a pretty big age gap between us (he's in his early 20s and I'm in my early 30s), and he goes through these bouts of moodiness (I and his brother suspect he may be bipolar). We've only been friends for a year but we have a great bond, he's a very private person but he's really opened up with me.

A part of the friction that led up to this is that the week prior his girlfriend accused me of trying to break them up and I would be okay allowing him to cheat on her with me. Yes he knows I'm Bi, is comfortable with it, supportive of it and at his insistence I told her.I wasn't comfortable but I trusted him... would I sleep with him? Well yes but not if he was in a relationship.. I do have some morals. Plus he's my best friend and someone I call a brother and is a part of my family, I don't want to do anything to ruin that bond. He knows if wanted to he would have to initiate. 

So the weekend before this job issue we had a fight over work messenger and I didn't' call him to tell him "Hey I'm throwing my hat in." The company we work for made some good changes and added some supervisor positions. To be honest with all the issues with his girlfriend I had started to withdraw and I wasn't being as open about my problems as I've had been in the past. I felt that he didn't need my insecurities to deal with on top of hers. 

So the day of this newest accusation he emailed me and wanted to know what I was doing, that I was acting shady, not being a true friend, etc. I calmly and carefully explained everything and my reasons. And shit hit the fan. He accused me of backstabbing him, trying to ruin his career, etc. We didn't talk for a week but by the end of the next week we were speaking again. 

Now he acts like nothing is the matter. And for me there's still issues, one of them being trust. And also i refuse to be talked to in that way again. My friend is trying to make me a more assertive guy. And I feel that to move on I need to tell him that what he said and did was wrong, and that it can never happen again. It happens we are done, friendship over, he will be as dead to me as my brother who has passed away. And I REALLY don't want that. 

I just don't know if I should drop it or what.

Views: 225

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

That doesn't sound like any male friendship I've ever had.  I've dated women that are less high-maintenance and oversensitive.  You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around a friend.  This isn't what you'll want to hear, but he sounds like more trouble than he's worth.

If you were dating a girl that was a pain in the ass with the same regularity this guy is ... would you keep her around?


I did debate ending our friendship. But I made him a promise that I would never abandon him. And i would be there through thick and thin.

He may be a GIANT pain in the ass. But he needs a good strong faithful friend in his life and that's what I'm trying to be. 

First ask yourself "what do I want?" Is it possible? If not then ask yourself "if ________ is not possible what do I want?" It's tough being friends with people that have or seem to have mental problems (even just minor social anxieties). The most important thing is that they have to deal with those problems or what causes those problems (at least if they aren't completely psychotic.

I know that sounds like I'm making light of the situation but eventually if your friends doesn't change he will drive you away and, possibly anyone else that cares about him. Is continuing the friendship really worthwhile for you and you only? If it is how are you going to move forward? The answers to these questions are for you, not me, not anyone on this site, and not even really for your friend.

I'm dealing with a similar situations with two different people. One I've tried what I can over the past several years. . . I don't think the situation is going to change and unfortunately I just have to accept the mood swings of the person and deal accordingly. With the other I think I know what I'm going to do but, I really don't like any of it. I think it's the right thing to do (my belief). It's not really what I want to do and I've been advised to just stay away from the situation altogether. However, there is something to be said about having a clear conscience. I personally prefer, if I have to regret things, to regret what I have done instead of what I haven't done (especially in this situation not doing/motivating almost guarantees a bad outcome). In this situation I can only motivate others involved to move forward but I cannot fix the problems or even likely actively participate.

Good luck but, ask those questions and think about the answers. . . you'll probably know what to do.

Got to say that I agree!

I tentatively suggest talking to him about it, your reactions not what's wrong, and without the nuclear ultimatum.  But I say tentative because I'm unsure.  Maybe this is a bad friendship and should go.  Maybe bad friendships should be redeemed, not abandoned.  I don't feel wise about friendship.


Latest Activity

Jay posted a discussion

An orange in a bag of apples

My name is Jay and I'm a 20 year old male living in Queensland, Australia. I am existentialist in my beliefs and pragmatic in my views. I study and enjoy natural science and have a secondary hobby interest in psychology and the potential origin of conscience for which I have currently made a 3 variable emotional prediction scale test.  Online I can take the time to express and articulate my views coherently, in real life this week, I was diagnosed with bi-polar 2 disorder by my psychiatrist and…See More
5 minutes ago
Shane replied to Sir's discussion How goes the war in the group The Great Debate
"That and the SU-24 used Walmart grade GPS for navigation."
24 minutes ago
Native Son replied to Sir's discussion How goes the war in the group The Great Debate
"More likely the Russians are still using the same operations manual from back when they shot down that Korean airliner.  That's the one that says you do exactly what the guy on the ground back at the air base says to do.   Russian…"
1 hour ago
certified male replied to Tim Merrill's discussion Hello, from Ohio
"Hi Tim.  Work in Elyria, live in Amherst."
1 hour ago
certified male replied to Robert Edwin House's discussion Hello everyone
"This site is pretty interesting.  Guys being guys."
1 hour ago
Sam K replied to Sam K's discussion Spectre film
"I agree that it was definitely an attempt to get Bond back to his roots; Skyfall was setting up for this too by bringing back Moneypenny and Q, and the gadget car.Personally I prefer the grittier style of Casino Royale to the campier Bond movies,…"
2 hours ago
Regular Joe replied to Regular Joe's discussion World's Best Whisky Officially Declared
"Japanese whisky has been considered among the best in the world for some time now.  "For some time it was believed by many that whisky made in the Scottish style, but not produced in Scotland, could not possibly measure up to the…"
2 hours ago
Sam K replied to Johnny Luka's discussion Not sure how to handle situation
"It's important to maintain the mindset that there are "lots of fish", and no matter how awesome this particular woman seems at a glance, you don't really know her yet at all and the rest is your imagination of how you'd…"
3 hours ago

© 2015   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service