Ok guys need some advice.
Last month my best friend accused me of trying to ruin his career by not telling him that I was applying for a job that he also was going to apply for (we found that neither one of us would be considered). But still it came out of nowhere.
Some background on my friend. There's a pretty big age gap between us (he's in his early 20s and I'm in my early 30s), and he goes through these bouts of moodiness (I and his brother suspect he may be bipolar). We've only been friends for a year but we have a great bond, he's a very private person but he's really opened up with me.
A part of the friction that led up to this is that the week prior his girlfriend accused me of trying to break them up and I would be okay allowing him to cheat on her with me. Yes he knows I'm Bi, is comfortable with it, supportive of it and at his insistence I told her.I wasn't comfortable but I trusted him... would I sleep with him? Well yes but not if he was in a relationship.. I do have some morals. Plus he's my best friend and someone I call a brother and is a part of my family, I don't want to do anything to ruin that bond. He knows if wanted to he would have to initiate.
So the weekend before this job issue we had a fight over work messenger and I didn't' call him to tell him "Hey I'm throwing my hat in." The company we work for made some good changes and added some supervisor positions. To be honest with all the issues with his girlfriend I had started to withdraw and I wasn't being as open about my problems as I've had been in the past. I felt that he didn't need my insecurities to deal with on top of hers.
So the day of this newest accusation he emailed me and wanted to know what I was doing, that I was acting shady, not being a true friend, etc. I calmly and carefully explained everything and my reasons. And shit hit the fan. He accused me of backstabbing him, trying to ruin his career, etc. We didn't talk for a week but by the end of the next week we were speaking again.
Now he acts like nothing is the matter. And for me there's still issues, one of them being trust. And also i refuse to be talked to in that way again. My friend is trying to make me a more assertive guy. And I feel that to move on I need to tell him that what he said and did was wrong, and that it can never happen again. It happens we are done, friendship over, he will be as dead to me as my brother who has passed away. And I REALLY don't want that.
I just don't know if I should drop it or what.
That doesn't sound like any male friendship I've ever had. I've dated women that are less high-maintenance and oversensitive. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around a friend. This isn't what you'll want to hear, but he sounds like more trouble than he's worth.
If you were dating a girl that was a pain in the ass with the same regularity this guy is ... would you keep her around?
I did debate ending our friendship. But I made him a promise that I would never abandon him. And i would be there through thick and thin.
He may be a GIANT pain in the ass. But he needs a good strong faithful friend in his life and that's what I'm trying to be.
First ask yourself "what do I want?" Is it possible? If not then ask yourself "if ________ is not possible what do I want?" It's tough being friends with people that have or seem to have mental problems (even just minor social anxieties). The most important thing is that they have to deal with those problems or what causes those problems (at least if they aren't completely psychotic.
I know that sounds like I'm making light of the situation but eventually if your friends doesn't change he will drive you away and, possibly anyone else that cares about him. Is continuing the friendship really worthwhile for you and you only? If it is how are you going to move forward? The answers to these questions are for you, not me, not anyone on this site, and not even really for your friend.
I'm dealing with a similar situations with two different people. One I've tried what I can over the past several years. . . I don't think the situation is going to change and unfortunately I just have to accept the mood swings of the person and deal accordingly. With the other I think I know what I'm going to do but, I really don't like any of it. I think it's the right thing to do (my belief). It's not really what I want to do and I've been advised to just stay away from the situation altogether. However, there is something to be said about having a clear conscience. I personally prefer, if I have to regret things, to regret what I have done instead of what I haven't done (especially in this situation not doing/motivating almost guarantees a bad outcome). In this situation I can only motivate others involved to move forward but I cannot fix the problems or even likely actively participate.
Good luck but, ask those questions and think about the answers. . . you'll probably know what to do.
Got to say that I agree!
I tentatively suggest talking to him about it, your reactions not what's wrong, and without the nuclear ultimatum. But I say tentative because I'm unsure. Maybe this is a bad friendship and should go. Maybe bad friendships should be redeemed, not abandoned. I don't feel wise about friendship.