A little background

Hey guys, I'm Pat, a 26-year old newly graduated nurse who is looking to go into pediatric intensive care nursing.  In light of a lot of what's being focused on in the news these days, I've taken particular concern, as a young male professional, that my ability to perform as a nurse will be threatened by stereotyping, fear, and hatred toward males.  When I discuss this with others, people tend to flow to one extreme or the other, saying either (1) that I have nothing to worry about, or (2) they state that they can understand how some may be reluctant to have a male nurse for their child.  Obviously I find great issue with the latter response.

If I were overly concerned for male stereotypes in general, I suppose I wouldn't have chosen nursing as a profession. It is the stereotype of being a potential rapist, child molester, etc. of which I take great issue. I hope that it never happens to me, because I can't imagine many things more hurtful than to be turned away from the lifesaving care of a child because their parents did not trust me on the account of my gender

What brings me here today

I'd like to share with everyone an incident that occurred at my university student center that left me feeling a little perplexed and somewhat self-conscious.  I suppose in doing so I'd like to highlight the incident and raise awareness amongst you, my peers, but also I look to you all for feedback, good or bad.

"Today, a woman pulled me aside in my student center. She picked me, a male, out of a few passers-by and asked me to sign a pledge that, among other things, stated that I understood that most sexual assaults against are committed by men and that I was pledging to never commit sexual acts against children. I signed, conceding this statistic as accurate, but I am hurt that my gender alone has been labeled as a "risk factor" to a point where men should publicly and explicitly pledge not to commit such a horrible, vile crime. Signing that paper, I felt ashamed to be a man. Not because I believe there is inherently something wrong with man, but because my own "enlightened" society believes that there is."

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 It's called Demographics. Profiling. 

 Get over it. 

It may be true that I am taking this too seriously and instilling myself with too much fear on the matter. Obviously I don't agree completely, but thank you for your feedback.

Most instances of child sex abuse are from family members.

Yup. Male family members. 

This young lady phrased that as she did for a very good reason. She WANTS you to feel guilty just by your birth, she wants you to be demoralized. By doing so she thinks she'll feel better about herself. Don't let this bitch get to you. At all. Seriously. Delete this thread and never ever think of it again.

In court we like to say somebody is innocent until proven guilty. If YOU KNOW that you're a good guy who cares about people, make somebody prove that you're not before you even let them make you feel bad. Which they won't do. Somebody wants you to sign a pledge saying you're automatically a suspect and you won't do anything bad? DON'T FUCKING SIGN IT. Are you going to walk down the street signing pledges never to commit burglary, arson, or murder? No... it's assumed you're not going to do those things.

People are horrible at sensing bad motives and bad people. What they sense is hesitation, nervousness, or uncertain motives. As soon as you start thinking that everybody thinks you're suspicious, then they will think you're suspicious.

except for the part about deleting the thread, i completely agree with Jacob.

This is the deal, some people, even some males, believe the fact that you are equipped with a penis makes you a bad person inherently. This is the same mindset that presupposes that you can't have a man take care of a child. say hello to a woman without wanting to rape her or any other number of behaviors. As a man you have to know that you are inherently good.


One of my favorite songs ever!

The next time you're singled out, try a different approach.

You're singling ME out for this?  Who the HELL do you think you are, little missy.  (yes, purposefully dismissive terminology)  SEXUAL ASSAULTS?  Well, you certainly have a very high opinion of yourself.  I don't see YOUR name on this petition.  I don't sign petitions being circulated by BIGOTS.

Draw attention.  Lots of it.  Make a complete fool out of her, and do it loudly enough that everyone can hear you.

To understand why this will work, reference the "bullying" thread from a week ago.  People like this need the proverbial punch in the nose.

Yeah, reaffirm her assumption that men are volatile, unpredictable assholes with no control over their behavior...that'll show her.

Seriously, OP...not a big deal. If it were me and I didn't like the petition, I wouldn't have signed it. If I felt strongly about my convictions for not signing it, perhaps I would have tried to engage her in a a civil discussion to share my point of view. And then I would have moved on.

I see your point, Steam Engine.  I'm not one to lash out so much against a person who thinks that they are representing a noble cause. It was easy to become angry in retrospect but I don't think anger is the correct approach.  I suppose out of this I'll have additional insight so that I may engage the matter in a more assertive way.  I assure you that, at the time I had my hesitations but I was concerned that, in the moment, a refusal to sign for any reason would be a very public and very negatively perceived action.

Thank you, everyone for your advice, critical or supportive.  I will "Let it Be" and go forward a stronger man in part because of your words and thoughts.

Not anger.  Not volatility.  Careful, well measured, and appropriate.  There's a difference, and it's sometimes subtle.

Make a fool out of her and her cause.  People like her cannot be engaged in a civil discussion.  They're ideologues, and usually bigots.  Address her as you would any other bigot.

And, this, coming from someone who doesn't usually advocate confrontation.

"Careful, well measured, and appropriate" are entirely in the eye of the beholder. The beholder here is making men sign a pledge not to rape people. The beholder is obviously nuts.


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