Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Shane on October 13, 2012 at 4:02pm

A) He's 4.  Knock it off.

2.  How long have you been in their lives?

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Permalink Reply by Karlbert on October 13, 2012 at 4:53pm

Well I understand them being jealous but then they are throwing a 4 hour tantrums...or clawing their faces and kicking mom.

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Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on October 13, 2012 at 4:27pm

So are you the boyfriend or the stepdad? Confused.

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Permalink Reply by Karlbert on October 13, 2012 at 4:42pm

I am living with them, but I have not yet married her. I been in their lives for about 10 months, but moved in two months ago.

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Permalink Reply by Ken D Books on October 13, 2012 at 5:38pm

I would suggest some serious soul searching, man. Decide if you love this girl AND HER CHILDREN. If you do tell her that, and explain you want to be her man and the desperately needed father to these children. You must be clear about what each role entails, strong and secure in who you are as a man, a husband, and a father.
She must realize her children need a father....that family needs a real leader. Are you man enough to step up to the plate and be all that to them regardless how hard it might be?
If so...for Pete's sake, marry the girl, love her and the children, and be a real Daddy to them!

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Permalink Reply by Karlbert on October 13, 2012 at 6:17pm

Thanks man, I an not struggling with my love for her or her kids...

I am having trouble with them accepting the situation.

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Permalink Reply by Native Son on October 14, 2012 at 10:55am

Not enough information in the OP.

Is she divorced, separated, or just abandoned by the children's biological father?

He "legal status" certainly impacts anything.

Have you considered that the children's misbehavior relates to your "replacing" Dad?

Have you considered that your "sort of hands off" posture is enabling the bad behavior?

If nothing else, you need to have two very serious sit-down talks, one with her and one with her and the kids. 

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Permalink Reply by J. Hughes on October 14, 2012 at 9:09pm

Around 4th grade my parents divorced, my sister was in 1st grade. My mother moved in with the man I call dad today when I was in 7th grade. It took some time but eventually we warmed up to the fact he was not going anywhere and he performed all the duties of a dad: love, fun and discipline when required. Fast forward 31 years, they are still married and he is still the dad he has always been to me, the only one I have really known.

You have not been around long enough to start making decisions relating to them, you should still be taking cues from their mother and supporting her decisions and she should start to directing them very gently at first that they will need to listen to you as well. I would start with the fun and routine first then get into the problem behavior once you have earned the place in their hearts. You are in a marathon not a sprint and at 2 months of living in the home you have not even qualified to be in the race yet. But once you are there you could be the best thing that has ever happened to them.

I agree with an earlier post from Mr. Brooks that mentioned you should do some real soul searching before you move much further, then make the right decision to show them you are not going away.

 

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