Hi, I find myself on a situation that has me really struggling. I have a girlfriend with a 4 year old boy and a 6 year old girl.
First, the real dad is basically absent, except for the occasional phone call.
Second, Mom overcompensates by letting the kids have their way most of the time.
I see real trouble with that kind of approach, the kids are prone to have hysterical fits to get what they want. And it works for them.
Third, I try to be good to them, but of course the I an unsure of how to handle disciplining them. I do not want to be a "bad guy" to them, but they really don't like me being around Mom at all, and this is really affecting the relationship (they have basically taken over mom's room and have me sleeping in a separate room).
Fourth, the kid has been around women too long and needs to have more manly attitudes and activities.
Any advice is most welcome!
A) He's 4. Knock it off.
2. How long have you been in their lives?
Well I understand them being jealous but then they are throwing a 4 hour tantrums...or clawing their faces and kicking mom.
So are you the boyfriend or the stepdad? Confused.
I am living with them, but I have not yet married her. I been in their lives for about 10 months, but moved in two months ago.
Thanks man, I an not struggling with my love for her or her kids...
I am having trouble with them accepting the situation.
Not enough information in the OP.
Is she divorced, separated, or just abandoned by the children's biological father?
He "legal status" certainly impacts anything.
Have you considered that the children's misbehavior relates to your "replacing" Dad?
Have you considered that your "sort of hands off" posture is enabling the bad behavior?
If nothing else, you need to have two very serious sit-down talks, one with her and one with her and the kids.
Around 4th grade my parents divorced, my sister was in 1st grade. My mother moved in with the man I call dad today when I was in 7th grade. It took some time but eventually we warmed up to the fact he was not going anywhere and he performed all the duties of a dad: love, fun and discipline when required. Fast forward 31 years, they are still married and he is still the dad he has always been to me, the only one I have really known.
You have not been around long enough to start making decisions relating to them, you should still be taking cues from their mother and supporting her decisions and she should start to directing them very gently at first that they will need to listen to you as well. I would start with the fun and routine first then get into the problem behavior once you have earned the place in their hearts. You are in a marathon not a sprint and at 2 months of living in the home you have not even qualified to be in the race yet. But once you are there you could be the best thing that has ever happened to them.
I agree with an earlier post from Mr. Brooks that mentioned you should do some real soul searching before you move much further, then make the right decision to show them you are not going away.