So this my first post on this forum and i would just like to say hi, but with out further delay lets get back on to my topic. I'm 18, male you guys could figure that out from my profile but ill state it to save some time, and well, i had a bit of a rough time growing up past 13. Not bullying or anything like that but i have Autism ( high functioning though ), depression, and anxiety, now i'm not looking for help with those things, i have people for that. What i am looking for is kind of what approach i should take to become a man so to speak, i mean don't get me wrong i'm not far off, i have gone through this website and looked at just about everything it says that you should incorporate, i just have a hard time reaching my personal goals leaving me kind of left in a sort of limbo of trying. Well i hope some can give me a little incite on this.
PS: If this something that shouldn't be posted here, like not a valid question let me know,and if it is please any admin feel free to delete it i don't want to disrupt the forums, thanks.
Hi, Edward, Let's compare kids and men and see if that helps us:
KIDS are REactive, Men are PROactive
--as a child, your environment is handed to you, your major choices are made for you, and you are a victim of your circumstances. As a man, you take control of your life and grapple with your circumstances rather than just accepting them as inevitable.
KIDS are feelings-driven, Men are fact-driven.
--Men do have emotions, and feelings do matter to men, but what drives us, compels us to act one way or another, or steers our actions is facts on the table. An over-sensitivity to feelings and subjective emotions (fear, anger, etc.) is immature, particularly when those feelings govern our actions.
Kids are reliant, men are independent---ALSO KNOWN AS Kids feel entitled, men feel a sense of duty:
---the hallmark of adult manhood is self-reliance. Even if you are in college and/or still living at home, as a man, you are trying to buy some groceries, help out with the utilities, contribute to the household WITHOUT being asked. You are trying to find some way to pay your own way and to take responsibility for yourself.
KIDS are more inwardly focused---"it's all about me", Men are more outwardly focused---"what about them?"
---when you have to take care of a wife, kids, elderly parents, etc., or you are in a situation in which your personal whims and desires take a backseat to your responsibilities, this causes you to lay aside selfishness and approach life as a man.
KIDS don't think independently and can't easily change their minds, Men look at the fact and decide for themselves, and are able to reason.
--As a kid, you could afford to just jump onto someone's bandwagon and decide what you were going to think based on the fact that you liked other people who thought the same thing, or you didn't care what the facts were, you just liked identifying with the group that thought that way. Either way, you were being led (perhaps driven, even) to think like everyone else. Men don't let other people do their thinking for them. But they CAN reason (and be reasoned with) and they CAN change their minds and consider new ideas based on FACTS---not based on guilt or crowd-control.
It's hard to beat Todd's list, and I may just print it out. Still, I'll add a bit.
Financial independence is a big one. Pay your way. If you can't yet, prepare for it (school, whatever).
Decision independence is the other big one (at this stage). Make your own choices -- with counsel from others, but your own decisions. (Military men can confirm: you do this as a young officer, too, right? Obey orders -- but also give them, especially to yourself.)
Good luck. WHat a wonderful issue to have!
@Will--- l love how you put this: "Obey orders -- but also give them, especially to yourself.)"
Todd- good job!
I've become a huge fan of keeping a journal. I started on about a year and a half ago and I've really enjoyed it. One of my goals for this year is to write it in every day even if it's to say "nothing happened," but I've found that if i sit down and try to write it seems like there's always something that happened. It's one of the items on the 30 days to a better man series on the main site (http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/30/30-days-to-a-better-man-wrap-up/)
Why do you think you're having a hard time reaching your goals? Are they really your goals, are they specific enough, do you have a strong enough why, are you trying to do too much all at once? Those are all common reasons for not reaching your goals. I've failed at goals for all of those reasons at one time or another, but that has helped me to learn how to set better goals, and act on them better.
I'm thinking you're going about this the wrong way. Life isn't a destination, its a journey. You're setting yourself goals, which is great but do you have a roadmap as to how to reach these goals? For example I can say I want to make $1 million but if I don't have a plan with steps (mini-goals if you will) then how will you reach the goal? Another example is to be self sufficient. What does that mean to you? Financially? Able to fix your own car, change the oil, change a tire, change or rebuild the engine? Make your own furniture? Basically you need to have a clear cut definition of what your goals are, develop your road map with steps you think you need to take, find a mentor or two that can help you or at least an example for each goal. And most importantly revisit your roadmap/goals to determine if they are what you actually want because they may change over time or you may find a different path that fits you better.
Great comments from the others. Good stuff in there.
In regards to your goals, write them down. Review them regularly. But keep setting them and set them high. So what if you fall short. You'll still be miles ahead of where you would be if you never set the goal.