I was reading a post today that included "I too used ... when I was in my 20's, but as an adult".
It sparked a thought, the writer proposed that someone in there 20 is not an adult. I am not saying this view is wrong. But I am curious when people felt themselves an adult?
For me I think it was when hit college. While I respected my professors, I to some extent considered them peers. Yes we had the student - professor social roles but we where both adults. I expected them to do their job and for me to do mine.
One of the things I most lament in our modern society is that growing up is very, very optional for most young men today, and one that seemingly very few choose to enable. I refer to it as "The Bart Simpson Syndrome" in which a boy perpetually acts and thinks and even lives like a teenager for as long as possible. I believe strongly that a boy does not become a man or an adult until he supports and takes care of himself, both financially and in taking care of his own needs. If he's 25 years old and has made no effort to leave home to strike out on his own, and his parents buy his food and cook his meals for him and do his laundry and clean his room for him, that boy is not even close to being an adult. But it's also in how willingly they shoulder responsability and account for their own actions and behaviors. I also think a lot of it is in how they treat other people around them, both men and women. I don't agree that simply being in college makes one an adult. In fact, I see most college kids as living in their ultimate childhood fantasy; the ultimate orgasm of stupidity and irresponsability, which is the furthest thing from adulthood. Those are just my thoughts.
These are pretty much my thoughts too. "the ultimate orgasm of stupidity and irresponsability" is a beautiful phrase. May have to steal it.
Sorry to say I was about 38 years old before I felt I had become a man. I knew what my values were for about 10 years prior (still late) but didn't feel the need or desire to be a leader for my family or church or in my community until nearly 40. That seemed to be the last missing piece for me.
I have to agree with you on the comment about most college kids are not adults, nor expected to be adults.
When you accept responsibility for your actions and your life, then you're an adult. Far, far too many people do not do this; everything is someone else's fault.
I think it is when you come to terms with three truths:
1)When you realize you are not the center of the universe and that there are causes, ideas, and people vastly more important than yourself.
2)When you realize that you are not perfect and willing accept accountability for your mistakes
3)When you take ownership of your life; its success or failure is on you regardless of your personal history.
And for any Brown Coats out there: A man is just a boy who is old enough to ask that question. -Inara
What's a brown coat?
Pop culture reference. The TV show (and later movie) Firefly, by Joss Whedon. Browncoats were the "rebels" who fought for individual freedom, against a controlling and powerful centralized state.
Over all a good show. It is amazing how it has developed a following after fox killed it.
Mrs. Danger and I are huge FF fans.
You sir have just made my day. may everything bev"shiney" from now on for you.
I feel that the last year or so has shaped me from being a boy into a man. I am now 23 and I feel like a man. For me it involved dealing with an incredible hardship and coming to terms with some of the realities of what it is to be a man (or simply a grown up) through that. It wasn't a case of hardening (although there was a little bit of that too) but more awakening up to certain realities. At first that was pretty crap but now I feel good about it.
And to mirror the above comments I think it has certainly coincided with taking a genuine responsibility of my own life. Something I thought I'd done many years ago but now I can see I've only just completely made that transition.