Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mudinyeri on January 24, 2013 at 2:28pm

Housing arrangements and job offers in writing should be a part of any reasonable individual's decision-making process when considering a move of any significant geographic distance.  I mentioned North Dakota as an example, not a be-all/end-all to one's job search.  My point (apparently lost), was that jobs are available for those willing to work.  For those who believe certain jobs are beneath them, employment is neither a right nor a guarantee.

Rebekah, your statement that "education may not be a growth industry ... but it's a steady industry" demonstrates the ill-preparedness of the average individual for career planning.  Average family size has been shrinking for years.  Educational budgets have been shrinking for years.  Our country's educational infrastructure is aging and requires replacement (Moore's Law) at a more rapid rate than in previous generations.  Unemployment has negatively impacted the tax base utilized to support public education.  Personally, I wouldn't call that "steady".

I'm a consultant.  I work all over the U.S., Canada, Mexico and the U.K.  I also travel to Third World countries on a relatively frequent basis.  Let me assure you, times are not tough here in the U.S.  If you want to stop feeling sorry for yourself volunteer for a charitable mission of some sort to a Third World country.

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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on January 24, 2013 at 3:49pm

"Educational budgets have been shrinking for years."? Really? Then please, please tell me why my property taxes have been rising all these years? Why has both states I've lived in for the past 20 years increased spending on education with per student costs having consistently gone up)? Only recently has there been any discussion about lowering the per student spending but the property taxes are not being lowered.

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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on January 24, 2013 at 8:17pm

Gladly, if you can get me the time off and the money to do so. But, oh, wait, I'm supporting myself and my unemployed, disabled husband on a below-median, if First World, salary. Cash and PTO are short.

And I disagree with your whole economics. There are fewer job openings than people looking for work, and not everyone is qualified for the jobs that are open. Gotta live in the time it takes to gain new skills, usually gotta pay to get the skills. And while what I read in the papers isn't quite the same as what Shelton reads, primary education is not a declining industry.

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Permalink Reply by Benjamin on January 25, 2013 at 12:19am

I'll admit i didn't check the job prospects, but at my school a prof told us "once they look at your app and see your graduated from ......... university, they'll throw the other apps away, except for other alums" We all laughed and thought he was joking, but he wasn't. A lot of my profs made it seem like only unprepared losers didn't get jobs. Even now they tell me when I ask "with all your subbing experience you'll get a job". I call bull. Also, I don't see a grocery store manager or director as beneath me. In fact I would actually like a job like that, but I'd have to go back to school. my family is poor and education doesn't mean a job. I'm learning that the hard way

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Permalink Reply by Matthew Perry on January 24, 2013 at 1:54pm

I feel that I can help in some aspects here. I am also a social studies man myself. While I did get a job teaching what I love I am miserable where I am because I drive two hours roundtrip to go to work. I am not happy where I am teaching so I fall into the depression of seeing no way out. I have found that tiny changes to my lifestyle has led to me being a happier person. I never dreamed I would enjoy running but I have found that running clears my mind and it is good for me. You can start slow like I did; just take short walks. Eventually I decided to train for a 5k and now am training for my first 10k. There is also a great article on this blog about the George Bailey effect. SOmetimes we need to pretend what life would be like without certain things we take for granted to truly see how lucky we are. WHat would life be like without your friends? Write that down. How about your mom? Or something/someone you hold dear? I tried this the other day and found myself less angry and depressed after a tough day. Just my .02 hope it helps.

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Permalink Reply by Jesse W. Rowlings on January 24, 2013 at 2:17pm

It's Chandler from FRIENDS' advice... it's got to be good surely!?

(sorry I bet you get that all the time Matthew)

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Permalink Reply by Larry on January 24, 2013 at 2:16pm

Benjamin,

You're not a loser unless you choose to be. 

While you're at your grocery-store position, do your best. Smile at every customer.  Try to learn the names of regulars.  Smile, and be respectful, even to the customer who desperately needs the shit slapped out of them.   Don't promise more than you can deliver.  Always deliver more than you promise. 

Laundry:  I respectfully say that you've got balls. Act like it.  Don't let your mom do your laundry.  If she tries to take the job from you, take it back.  Don't be disrespectful.  Just gently and kindly but firmly tell her that you will do it yourself.  If she starts complaining about how you "do it wrong"  just smile, be respectful, and say it's your preferred method.  You are not required to do your laundry exactly like mom says you must. (But DON'T mix colors and whites, DON'T overload the machine, and DON'T set the controls for hot water, unless the care tag says to use hot water.)    IMHO, you've got to stand your ground,  here, and make it very clear that you're a man, and will be responsible for your own laundry. 

If you eat your meals here, do the dishes after the meals.  Don't ask permission.  Tell everyone you'll do them.  If you can cook, prepare some of the meals, and then do the clean-up. If you can't cook, learn.  If you've earned a teaching degree in Social Sciences, you're well able to open a cookbook and follow directions.

If you've applied for 60 teaching jobs, and only had 4 interviews, then perhaps there's some way you can "tweak" your resume, to make it stand out.  Of those 4, who called you in for an interview, did you send a handwritten "Thank you" note, after the interview,  to the person who interviewed you (via surface mail; NOT an email)?   Of the other 56, sometimes the person they chose, over you, doesn't work out.  Why not contact them, again, and let them know you're still interested and available? 

You are a great guy!  Your feelings are normal.  Your frustration over your situation is quite understandable.   I would question the sanity of someone who wouldn't feel the same way, given the same set of circumstances.   Above all, you know you must keep up the effort.  How many of us have quit, one or two feet from the achievement of our goals, because we got discouraged? 

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Permalink Reply by Matthew Hockley on January 24, 2013 at 3:36pm

I'll throw in my two cents... We share some similarities. We're around the same age (I'm 26), we both lost our fathers prematurely (I was 16 when it happened), and we both have anger issues.

First off, don't despair. It can get better. I didn't hold a legitimate job until I was 19.  Getting that first job without any prior work history was HARD. I'm a bit of a techy, so I applied for computer related jobs - best buy, circuit city (RIP), Staples, etc...  I had a few interviews, but no offers. I was a gamble employers weren't willing to take.  So I finally decided to go for a job that paid over minimum wage and would hire almost anyone.  I was hired as a 'package handler' (ie: I loaded boxes in trucks) for a big brown parcel carrier.  It was hard, physical work in freezing cold, and 120 degree heat depending on the season.  I despised that job. But, I've always been a bit of a perfectionist.  I built some of the finest 'box walls'.  I worked hard and exceeded the set performance metrics.  I was promoted to supervisor in 9 months.  I worked as a supervisor for 2 more years, again exceeding my metrics whenever possible.  I still hated that job. It was grueling.  I continued there until I graduated with a bachelors in computer networking, at which point I took a pay cut in exchange for more hours at a small telecom company working in their call center.  I was promoted to the network operations center about a year later, and went on to become the department supervisor.  I left that job about 9 months ago for a two hour commute (each way) but a 40% pay increase at another telecom company.

Now, how does that relate to your situation?  Continue following your ideal job, but take what you can get, even if you feel like you are settling. Stick with your cashier job and treat it like the great opportunity it is.  Work hard. Pay attention to every detail and learn from those around you at every opportunity. You are there because your employer recognizes that they can benefit by having you. Give them the most benefit you can. Make yourself the go-to person. Make yourself as valuable as you can.  Move up in the organization even if its not part of your ultimate career goals.  It adds value to your resume and priceless experience. Go above and beyond whenever possible.

You are your own man. While I can sympathize on the loss of your father, that does not determine your fate.  Don't blame your issues on that.

Regarding the anger issues... its hard.  You need a lot of self control and a higher measure of thoughtful introspection. Why do you get so angry?  Refer to the article posted on this site a few days ago about following your gut.  Find the root of your anger and address it. Work to maintain your self control and composure in times of anger. Find a health outlet for those emotions, be it a punching bag or something else.  Perhaps use that energy toward a workout routine, and kill two birds with one stone.  I have worked hard to control my anger, and I'm sure you can overcome it to.  Just remember, above all else, if you find you must express that anger physically, NEVER target it at another living being.

I'd suggest not worrying too much about female companion at this point.  Work on improving yourself and your situation. Once you reach the ideal that you hold for yourself, then start looking outward.  I find that personal revision is easier when you don't have to justify it to anyone else (like a gf or wife).  Though on the flip side of that they could be a great support for you.

Be confident in your abilities and steadfast in your resolve.  Whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability.  Others will recognize and respect you for it.

I hope you found this helpful.

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Permalink Reply by Larry on January 24, 2013 at 4:23pm

+1

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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on January 24, 2013 at 3:45pm

Why would you blame your 'failings' on your father's death? That has nothing to do with the state of the economy (which is directly affecting the job market), nor does it have anything to do with your having to drive an old truck, or the cost of gas, or the printer, or the pillow you busted up.

Basically it sounds like you want to blame everything on your father's death including the high cost of gas. Stop that. You apparently loved your father so his death has had some effect on your emotional state but if you did love him then try to live and act as if he could see everything you do, how would he react to your blowing up that pillow? Would he want you to mope around the house or go looking elsewhere (outside your local area or out of state) for a job? I know that there are teaching positions in New York that go unfilled although Social Science may not be one of the demand teaching positions. I also cannot believe that he wants you to weigh 300 pounds and end up in an early grave.

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Permalink Reply by Benjamin on January 25, 2013 at 12:11am

I don't blame it on my dads death, I blame the way I handle emotions on my dad's death. Honestly all that other stuff would have happened no matter what. Honestly, all his death caused was me to be an emotional wreck and lack a male role model. And I'm not gaining weight by any means, I just am stuck between 215 and 210. I actually was heavier 2 years ago before I started playing rugby, and lost about 15 lbs and have been the same weight since

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