Hi fellas

I'm completely new and clueless to the dating scene so could do with your opinions!

After reading that brilliant article on stopping hanging out with girls and starting dating them, I went on a first date with a girl on Monday night. We went for a drink at 19:30 and ended up staying out until around midnight. At the end of the night we had a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, which to me felt a bit too quick.

When I got home I texted her saying thanks for a lovely evening and it'd be great to see her again. She texted back saying she had a nice time too and she wanted to meet up again, so we're going to dinner on Sunday.

Now this is where I kind of come unstuck. See, the first date was easy, we had fun, there were no awkwards silences, the conversation always flowed. But to be honest, I'm not really sure whether she's interested or not.

We were texting on Tuesday and yesterday, although we haven't texted each other today. I want to text her and just ask how she's doing today but I'm trying to force myself not to text her today as I don't want to seem like I'm coming on too strong...is that a legitimate worry?

The reason I'm not sure she's interested is really just the briefness of the hug/kiss, and the way she speaks in her texts seem more friendly, like if I try to pay her a bit of a flirty compliment, she doesn't really respond to it.

So what do you reckon? Am I completely over-analysing everything or am I right to feel concerned?

Also it may not be relevant but she is waaaay out of my league, like a 9/10 sober.

Cheers guys!

Lawrence

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Contrary to popular belief, a lot of women hold their passion in check. They're slower to become intimate. Doesn't mean they're less passionate women, or less interested in a guy; just means they have a speed governor on.

Which, frankly, is healthy. In retrospect, I've noticed that women and men who jump into passion and intimacy jump out again, just as quickly.

And frankly, she's got you intrigued, hasn't she? She may not be doing it consciously, but she knows how to keep you guessing and interested.

My suggestion, take it easy with the texting and such. Let her look forward to Saturday. Seems to me people flame out on their mobile devices - reach a stage of boredom without even seeing one another in person.

 

 

Now this is where I kind of come unstuck. See, the first date was easy, we had fun, there were no awkwards silences, the conversation always flowed. But to be honest, I'm not really sure whether she's interested or not.

She is. And good call on the date. A step up, young Man. 

We were texting on Tuesday and yesterday, although we haven't texted each other today. I want to text her and just ask how she's doing today but I'm trying to force myself not to text her today as I don't want to seem like I'm coming on too strong...is that a legitimate worry?

Yes. Stop with the texting. It's a teen-girly thing to do, especially this early. 

The reason I'm not sure she's interested is really just the briefness of the hug/kiss, and the way she speaks in her texts seem more friendly, like if I try to pay her a bit of a flirty compliment, she doesn't really respond to it.

She is trying to be a "good girl" and/or she thinks you're a "good boy". Taking things slowly, letting the relationship happen organically .

So what do you reckon? Am I completely over-analysing everything or am I right to feel concerned?

DO NOT feel/act concerned. She needs you to want her, not need her.

Also it may not be relevant but she is waaaay out of my league, like a 9/10 sober.

The only thing that makes her out of your league, is you thinking so. There is no such thing as out of your league. She obviously does not think she is out of your league, as she said yes to your date invitation. Twice. 

 Good job, young Man. 

Thanks for your advice guys, very helpful - I'll lay off the texting and just look forward to seeing her again at the weekend, and try not to overthink things.

 

The only other thing I'm concerned about is that the second date might not go as well as the first, i.e. because now we know each other a bit better there might be less to talk about, but I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when and if I come to it!

 

Appreciate the help fellas!

I've found when a relationship's right, talking is easy, so you never run out of things to say. Which will be easier the more relaxed you are. Bravo! On meeting a fascinating lady.

I hadn't considered anything after dinner other than continuing with a few drinks...it'll be Sunday so I think dancing is out of the question!  Will have a think, thanks.

Good idea, thanks Shane!

Cheers guys, will do!

Another suggesation for you that you might try.

 A breakfast date. 

 It is different, fun, light hearted, will take her off her game a little, has no pressure to move things physically forward, and if the date goes really well, there is no pressure to have to end it before it feels right to do so. Plus it opens up a lot of possibilities for activities to do together that may not have otherwise been an option during the evening. 

No need for concern.  For one thing, being concerned won't help; if she's not into you, she's not.  For another, her reaction sounds perfect for a woman whom you've had one date with.  I'd save the more romantic talk for in-person.  With text and email it's hard to put nuance in.

Tell us how it goes!

So - you've had your second date - how'd it go?

Well, I think I've had a pretty bad deal here!

 

She was 'sick' yesterday so I texted her to say that's fine and we can do another day, but if she just isn't interested I'd rather she just told me.  She replied saying that she was interested but just couldn't face getting out of bed, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

 

The only day she was free this week (and she's away on holiday next week), is tomorrow, however she's just text me saying that she has to go into work tomorrow evening.  So I replied saying alright, tell me when you're free and I'll see if I'm available as it seems impossible to find a right time.

 

Pardon my French, but I'm pretty pissed off right now!

She might have been antagonized - you did question her honesty by telling her if she wasn't interested wish she'd just tell you.

Lawrence, you said in your initial post that you feel she's way out of your league - likely she senses that from you, and it's a turn-off to her. It's up to her to decide what her league is. How many 9s and 10s talk about being lonely because guys are afraid of them? What I've observed of very desirable women is that they respond to men who meet them as equals. (I wish I'd known that a lot sooner than I did.)

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