Ok... I'm not looking to get into a relationship just yet. I know I'm not that great of a prize for the time being. I took a couple real hard punches to the kidneys when the economy took a giant dump. I'm 30, living with my mother, working in a part time gig in the mean time trying to get my resume and skills up to par...
In the mean time I need some food for thought. I had been in a relationship through the summer, it ended late October. Single again, and I don't even have a glimmer on the horizon. I am not finding women that pique my interest. I ride motorcycles or scooters, have bbq's with my buddies, do trivia night at my bar of choice. Stuff along those lines. Recently I expressed my concern with a friend (who yes is a female but I have no romantic interests in, she's just good people) about the lack of women who pique my interest and her advice was along the lines of "keep doing what you like to do and you'll find a woman when you're having fun and the time is right." I think that is solid advice, and I appreciated the level of thought and sincerity of it. My concern is this... Have I wrapped myself in too much of a male-oriented environment that it will hinder the potential for finding a love interest? Lets face it. Motorcycle and scooter events do have women around, but they usually ride on the back of their man's bike, or ride their own but are attending with their significant other. My bar of choice is what can be called a dive bar. It reminds me of what a man cave from the 1970's would look like. Very blue-collar, male demographic there too.
Where do i find a woman who I could potentially be interested in? Where did you find yours? For all intensive purposes you can tell me I'm over thinking it, and I'm just being completely silly. That wont hurt me at all...
Thanks for your time.
1. Leave the house
2. See a pretty girl.
3. Introduce yourself
4. Repeat as necessary
With apologies to the regulars who've heard this story 100 times...
I was in a similar position in the summer of 2010. I forced myself to "get out there" and engage in my interests - reading in coffee shops and specialty libraries instead of at home, going to museums, etc.
I met my now-husband on the subway on an ordinary work day for both of us. We were reading books by the same classical publisher. He used it as an opening to start a conversation.
We're both in professions dominated by the other gender. I'm an attorney. He's in non-profit fundraising. You just can't plan these things, and it's important to be yourself.
Maybe not, but they make for some damn good reading.
Ok... I'm not looking to get into a relationship just yet. I know I'm not that great of a prize for the time being.
For what its worth, the woman that genuinely loves you when you're "not that great a prize" is the one you want around when you are. Relationships tend to come along when you're "not looking", so don't bypass a good one just because you haven't quite got your shit together.
Keep getting your life together. That alone will take you into the path of more women ... work, school, church, the grocery store, wherever. They're everywhere. The more women you meet, the better your chances. The sooner you get out of your mom's house, the less chance they'll brush you off before they figure out you're going somewhere better.
Getting your life together will also get you out of that dive more often ... which will help. Might be worth finding a secondary co-ed joint where you can hangout. Maybe just a nicer bar. Don't scrap the dive bar -- just use it when you're not intending to meet anyone.
You can meet them in school, or in lanes, or at sea,
In church, or in trains, or in shops, or at tea
I've never met a girl I liked while "on the search". I go out and live a social life and they come along when I least expect it.
The best way to "find a woman" is go out your front door. They are everywhere! What I think you are asking is how to get involved in a lasting and meaningful relationship. My suggestion is to quit looking. Just go about your life being descent to all people you meet and relationships will build around you. Then again, you tell us you have already heard this so I guess it is not an answer that resonates with you.
...keep doing what you like to do and you'll find a woman when you're having fun and the time is right.
I'm going to switch things up a bit. I think you're using this search for a relationship as way to ignore dealing with not being part of any meaningful work.
Don't get me wrong. Love is wonderful and important. But without the feeling that you're making a difference in the world in some way, it will won't fill the void. In fact, it could cause you to feel unworthy of her. Which will eventually push her away.
Focus on finding your mission (your meaningful work) and living it out. Women are love a man on a mission.
I agree with Bauer in that you should focus in getting your shit together. You want to be with a woman who wants to be with you at a point of your life you're happy with. Women smell confidence and at this point of your life you don't have it, want a women who's attracted to that?
Thanks for the thoughts and replies. Sorry it has taken me a little while to get back online.
I am working on an apprenticeship. Right now it's sort of on hold because it is for a pest control company. Pretty cool job, sweet money, I just need the spring to come and the bugs to pop back out. I'm sure by then I'll be so busy my personal life will be on complete lock down. So I guess I'll just keep doing what I like to do, maybe change up the locations now and then and see what happens.