My wife and I are considering adoption. She's always wanted to adopt, and it had never been a thought of mine until I met her. Now that we've been married three years, I'm getting to the point of being more open to it.

So, has anyone here adopted? What was your experiences, good and bad?

We're mostly looking at domestic infant adoption.

Tags: adoption

Views: 764

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I've got some friends that have been trying for about a year now.  Looking foward to sitting down with them this weekend to see where they are at.

 

Be ready for an emotional roller coaster.  I know of 2 times they almost had a baby, then some stupid thing stopped it.  Also get ready to shell out a lot of money.

 

But, I will try to remember to let you know more after this weekend.

My cousin and her husband adopted a newborn little girl a year or so ago.  My understanding is that the cost, screening and waiting can be pretty grueling ... but, I don't think they'd complain.

 

JB

While I can not add any insight into the adoption process but I ask that if you do decide to adopt, please consider adopting from the United States first. You did not mention on where your thinking of adopting from and Yes, there are children in need in other countries but there are also those same kids here in the U.S.

This is not a shot at you but I am tired of seeing people (mostly celebrities) going overseas to adopt a child when there are children here that need a family. Just my opinion though.

No baby born in the US has grown up in an orphanage in the last few generations. The same cannot be said in the countries from which celebrities (or ordinary Americans) adopt.

This means 2 things: Adopting from certain foreign countries means saving that child from a life in that country's standard of living. Adopting an American baby means lots of waiting and money.

Non-infant adoption is another story.

Please, don't get into the "saving" thing. I beg you. As an adoptive parent, that's the last thing any of us want to hear. No offense, but it's insulting. I do recognize that there are people who adopt because they want to "save" a child. But that's not the primary reason anyone should adopt a child.

We adopted internationally and had great home study preparation. We have fantastic kids, but like all families, there are positives and challenges. Good luck, Steve.

My tone meant to include yours. Thus the emphasis on celebrities. Still, the question remains, Why didn't you adopt domestically?

We did what was right for us. It's a personal decision, and after having researched all options to us, Russia was the right choice for us.

It is very, very hard to adopt an American baby.  A lot of people adopt from overseas because they don't qualify to adopt an American baby, or don't want to go through the grueling process of proving their worthiness.

There have been four adoptions in my immediate/extended family.  Each of which has resulted in a different tale of woe.  All four adoptions were from infancy and the consequences were generally not foreseeable.

I'm not at all against adoption (although I have not adopted nor am I adopted.)  Not all wine and roses despite the best of intentions and efforts.

Are you comfortable giving some details?

Sure, I will give you a synopsis:

1969:  My parents adopted my sister at two weeks old.  Turns out she has some sort of incurable mental disorder.  She was a hell raiser from the get go; here are just a few of the highlights.  At age 6 she torched our apartment.  By age 9 she was running away from home like it was a game.  She dropped out of school by age 12 and tried to kill my mother several times.  That same year she stabbed me in the back with a knitting needle and I nearly killed her in a fit of blind, bloody rage.  When she got out of the hospital she ran away and joined a street gang in a different state and never came back.  When she was 17 she and an associate robbed my grandmother at knifepoint.  She's been in and out of prison (mostly in) ever since.  If I ever see her again I will finish the beat down I gave her in 1980.

1973: My aunt and uncle adopted an infant son.  Things were OK until he was a teenager.  They had told him he was adopted earlier but when he was about fourteen and really understood he couldn't come to grips with it.  When he was seventeen he wanted to find his birth parents.  My aunt and uncle supported his wishes and helped him find the biological parents using a professional intermediary.  He met his birth parents and decided that he was living a lie and wanted to go back.  Truth is his birth parents are white trash scumbags.  When he turned eighteen my cousin, against my aunt and uncle's wishes, went to live with his biological parents.  Of course the birth parents just wanted to extract some money from the family.  When the money stopped they threw the kid out.  Although my aunt and uncle begged him to come home he disappeared.  The family has not seen or heard from him since.

1975:  A different aunt and uncle adopted an infant girl.  Turns out she is developmentally disabled and has the mind of a 6-7 year old, always will.  My aunt and uncle engaged in monumental efforts to help her but she will always be a seven year old.  

1990:  My sister in law and her husband adopted an infant girl.  Nice kid but always a little off kilter, especially about being adopted.  She committed suicide when she was a junior in high school for unknown reasons.

Not trying to scare you away from adopting.  Conceptually adoption is a great thing, but sh*t happens.  The old saying "the only thing for certain is uncertainty" rings true.  

Perhaps it was just a string of extraordinarily bad luck.  Just go in with both eyes open.  

My wife and I adopted our daughter, Ting, from China in 2007. She is now 5. We have three biological children (8,13, & 16) as well.

She is the most wonderful girl we could have hoped for, and we have not regretted the decision to adopt her for a millisecond. 

The adoption process was long (Ting was classified as special needs, so that sped up the process - non special needs adoptions from China take 5 + years), and expensive (~30K). Of course, she is worth every minute of wait and every penny (10 times over!)

We are hoping to someday adopt again (I am not sure when we will be able to afford to do so). We would consider both domestic & foreign adoptions.  

RSS

Latest Activity

Joshua replied to Vytautas's discussion What Do We Learn From History?
"The question also reminded me of some C.S Lewis I read a while back... "A man who has lived in many places is not likely to be deceived by the local errors of his native village; the scholar has lived in many times and is therefore in some…"
11 minutes ago
Travis Spuhler replied to Leto Atreides II's discussion Ferguson Grand Jury Decision in the group The Great Debate
"If that is the ultimate decision they come up with, I think it's the correct one. Given the evidence from the ME, combined with conflicting "eye witness" testimony, I think it would be a grave injustice to the US justice system…"
48 minutes ago
Leto Atreides II added a discussion to the group The Great Debate
Thumbnail

Ferguson Grand Jury Decision

Tonight the Ferguson DA announced.....Well, they haven't made an announcement yet. But given the amount and tone of pre announcement coverage and preparation I'm going to step out and predict the Grand Jury declined to prosecute. No charges.Consider this your open discussion thread for the decision.See More
51 minutes ago
Simon O'Brien replied to Satanist Dan's discussion Pacing a work in the group Writers
"If it's a first draft then just write it.  You can figure out what works and what doesn't when you edit it five times."
52 minutes ago
Simon O'Brien joined Slacker's group
Thumbnail

Writers

A place for writers to discuss and critique projects.
58 minutes ago
Simon O'Brien commented on Alan Fisher's group Manliness in the UK
"Good evening from Basingstoke in Hampshire."
59 minutes ago
Simon O'Brien joined Alan Fisher's group
Thumbnail

Manliness in the UK

For all those members over here in Blighty, we'll get some meets organised and have a few beers.
1 hour ago
EA Burt posted a discussion

Ford Probe Parking Break Problems.

Alright gentlemen, so this is my first car inquiry/first car project, So I'm pretty new to mechanics. We have a '93 Ford Probe with parking breaks that have been sticking. We thought at first that it was a snapped cable like the usual issues seem to involve. I managed to get the breaks un-stuck while driving the car a little, then one night I spaced and used the parking break again, thus re-sticking the breaks. So I decided to check out the problem myself before we go to pay the mechanic for a…See More
1 hour ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service