My name is Kidd.(yes its my real name),
I recently ended my 5 years of active service in the U.S. NAVY.
Befor getting out all i could think about was getting home. Now that I am here things arent the same. I feel like every one and every thing here has changed so much. I am haveing a very hard time adjusting back to my "small town" life. I was wondering if there were any "VETS" out there if any one of you, could help me with this.
I understand this is not written with the best use of English grammer, punctuation, and spelling. hopefully you will look past this and offer any advice and help.
Thank you all so much,
Welcome home, and thanks for your service. You'll get a world of advice/input here. Lots of fellow vets on AoM.
One thing to think about is that most likely "they" didn't change. You did. Hopefully for the better.
I found when I went home, everyone was pretty much doing the same shit they'd always done; smoking up and playing video games. How are things different for you?
Thank you for your service Kidd and welcome back.
Re-adjusting to civilian life can be difficult especially if you go back home. The problem lies with your expectations of what it will be like. Because you have certain memories of what life was like before the Navy it colors what you think it will be like now that you've gone away and returned. Unfortunately it never works that way. You've grown and expanded your horizons, saw things and met people that other people in your town will never see or meet. You've seen how things are done other places and, in some cases, things at home are done quite differently. Neither is wrong or incorrect just different. Now, just as you needed time to adjust to life in the Navy, you need time to adjust to life out of the Navy.
Don't live at home if at all possible; you need your own space and to stand on your own feet.
Don't expect your old friends to treat you the same way. You've been out of the loop and there has been life happening to them while you've been gone so you need to get to know them and they you again.
Thank you all,
Shane, its hard to explaine, i cant really pin point any thing in gereral, how ever i do know that I feel like an out cast. i find my self being "annoyed" for lack of a better term, at how things here are. It's almost like no one has any accountabilaty every one is just pushing the blame on to others( at work), I find around my family I feel like i dont belong there, when we have get togethers I find my self standing on the outside of the inner happanings of whats going on...( like i said its hard forme to explaine it)....
Rick, thats a very good way of looking at it. I did have to move back in with my folks for a wile, my wife left me 3 days after my return i had no leg to stand on pretty much, I am how ever lookin g at apratments now, and should be ready to move in to one with in the next month or 2.(I hate liveing at home lol.) and I am learning how to interact with whats friends i have left here, they just dont seem to get me any more.
Thank you all again, I am glad to know there are still people out there willing to give advice when asked for it.
It might be time to live your own life, and not try to fit into someone elses definition of what life should be.
You're correct in that they "don't get you"; because they don't get the "you" that you are today. You've seen and done things they've never dreamt about doing. I'm not sure what you did in the Navy but there is an element of, I want to say PTSD but not quite that, that is present. The military is a higher stress, low-tolerance for BS, workplace than is a civilian workplace and that's one of the major things you'll have to come to terms with. There are few, if any, life-threatening actions or decisions to be made in civilian work and accountability for your actions doesn't mean much.
One of the things you'll have to watch out for is the stress you've lived with has had an effect on you that you may not be aware of. Under stress your body produces endorphines, the more stress or physical danger the higher the amount of endorphines produced. Your brain becomes used to this and your brain chemistry changes and you will tend to unconsiously seek out activities that either produce those endorphines or alternatives. If you were in a very high stress NEC (Seal, Corpsman with the Marines in combat, or even flight deck) then you may suffer some of the effects of PTSD, which can be treated and the VA and veteran groups can help with this.
i was a flight deck guy. i never thought about ptsd, i assumed it was only combat related
Good God no; it is stress related.
If you spent time on the flight deck then you had stress, especially if you worked during combat ops with weapons load-outs.
PTSD is caused by life-threatening conditions (high stress environments) and the flight deck (the most dangerous 1/2 acre) is life-threatening. Now I am not diagnosing (I'm not a doctor and even if I were I haven't seen or talked to you directly) you with PTSD but there is a condition similar to PTSD but not as severe. Basically what happens is that the stress causes a change in your brain chemistry via dopamine. Dopamine can be caused by physical pain, stress, or emotional trauma. Your body and brain become 'hooked' on dopamine and you subconciously seek activities and interactions that will cause the body to secrete dopamine. This means you try dangerous activities, get into fights, verbal arguments with loved ones and anything that creates the stress that will cause the desired production of dopamine. Alternatively you may seek to replace the dopamine with other substances (cocaine or other drugs and/or alchohol).
By the way, what color shirt were you?
started out as a blue shirt, then worked my way over to red(Crash and salvage) wile i was there i also got the quals for my yellow and my quals to launch the AV8-B. I understand that your not diagnosing me, but what you saying is makeing a lot of sense, I have felt the need to "live on the edge" a lil more than my "normal self" sense returning home. I havent become violent towards any one.
Tough job Blue shirt, gotta keep your head about you all the time you're on deck.
As to the issue you're having, talk to a VA counselor, get in touch with the Veteran Groups out there and see how others are handling or handled their return to civilian life and if they had issues how they got help.
Five years is a long time in a mans life not to mention the fact that military service is a major life event. It leaves its mark, one way or another, on everyone who has experienced it. Even the wash-outs! And it is permanent. I've been out about 25 years and I still can't stand to wear an athletic or soft soled shoe for every day wear. They just drive me nuts! I buy and wear work work boots. Little quirks like that stick with you.
If you are like most vets I know, you are a better man coming out than you were going in. As much as the military gets ribbed for being ridiculous, military intelligence is a contradiction and such, it is in truth damned efficient. Much more so than most the civilian institutions I've come across. You probably are more efficient and goal oriented too. So, set new goals, go out, kick ass, and accomplish them. That's what helped me "adjust."
Funny how the little things stick with you. My two: shined shoes and gig line. And my haircut is still 35-10 (although the goatee isn't).