Good evening!

I bring you yet another problem of mine that involves women or particularly one woman.

Long story short I met her at New Years Eve party. We danced for whole night, exchanged phone numbers. Nothing else happened. Next day she messaged me and thanked for a night. I was hesitant to reply because I knew I would grow to like her and we live far away from each other (about 400 km). But I did it anyway, we spent whole next day (held hands, hugged and she gave me a kiss for goodbye).

I thought she was into me.

Then I came back home. We skyped and texted almost everyday and she was the one initiating conversations. They usually had flirtatious sound to them. She also admitted she 'fancies me' and thinks that I'm 'handsome'. From time to time she mentioned that I should come visit my cousin and see her again.

I thought she still was into me.

I came up with an idea to visit her for valentines (I would stay at my cousin who lives in same city just in case someone thought I'd stay at her place). So I asked her 'to be my valentine' and go out with me when I visit. But she said that she has to think about it. Next day she called me, talked about funny stuff and when I asked her if she already decided, she said she'd tell me at evening. Skip few hours I got an sms with all kind of excuses (have to take care of home, sick brother etc. nothing that shouldn't allow her to go out for an hour with me in my opinion). I was really pissed because I was the one willing to go 400 km just to meet with her.

This one thought started to grow in back of my head. That she just wanted to have distance 'more than a friend' to talk to, whine to and fall for but it's save to bet that nothing will ever happen because we are so far away.

Then I acted like a wuss.

Called her and told her that if she didn't want to meet me she could just say no and that we shouldn't contact each other ever again. She then texted me saying that if I 'liked her unconditionally' and 'enjoyed talking with her' I wouldn't act like that. So I replied that the problem is that I like her a little bit too much. Proceed to delete her from skype and facebook to erase all means of contact with her. In the morning she sent me another text saying that it's 'very mature' of me to do it.

I feel really bad about whole situation and am greatly disappointed with my behaviour.

I'm really lonely for quite some time and she really sparkled some interest in me. Then all kind of family problems that I wish I could leave behind me and go away culminated in me acting like a needy wuss.

Should I apologize to her? If so in what manner? If not should I just get over her?

If more information is needed to give an answer please say so.

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Burned the hell out of that bridge, didn't you?  You overreacted.  Contact her and apologize for being an ass, and hope she's more forgiving than you were.

 

She might not be into you.  Or, she might just be having doubts about a long-distance relationship.  Or, she might've been into you until you had a hissy fit.  Either way, you'll never find out if you keep acting like that.

 

JB

+1

Also, if we women don't give a reason for our declining dates, you men can't apply the Brad Pitt Rule [look it up on the main site]. If you think her reasons aren't the reasons she'd give to Brad Pitt, well, you know what to do.

I wouldn't call it acting like a wuss, a wuss would have sat there and kept calling and talking all the time.

 

You were overly emotional. You realized that there was a problem which was a great step, but your reaction SUCKED.

 

Next time, when she turns you down, just say OK and move on. No need for a final word.

 

If she keeps calling without offering another time to get together, to talk more about the two of you. Make sure you are busy. If you have to say anything, just let her know that you appreciate her as a friend, but you need to spend some time meeting someone to date. Don't say it accusingly, just a matter of fact.

 

If you do want to apologize, make sure you do it to make sure she knows that you were an emotional ass. Do not do it for any reason to make yourself feel better or any attempt to salvage. Simply apologize.

For Fuck's Sake

Does no one understand the concept of a fling anymore?  Whirlwind romance?  Summer lovin'?

She was into you, for a while.  Life took over for her, and you know what?  Turns out you're not that goddamn important in the grande scheme of things, especially when family health comes into the picture.

But, you could have been a fond memory.  Maybe even reconnected later on in life, at worst.  Best case you get a referral out of it.  Instead you shit all over not only her memories, but your opportunities.  Dumbass.

Never thought about it like that, thanks.

@Jack Bauer

Heh, yeah. Indeed she might not like getting into long-distance relationship and that's why she didn't want to meet.

@Rebekah

Well all the reasons she listed were in sms message and when I called her I didn't really allow her to speak and acted like a neurotic sissy.

@LShieldes

Yea my reaction sucked. I mostly wanted to apologize to make myself feel better tho.

But one thing I don't get that she mentioned many times it would be great if I visited her and we could go see a movie, go on a beach etc. And then when I actually offer to meet up she declines in this kind of manner (by sms). It felt a bit like she abandoned me and I already 'lost' someone recently so I overreacted.

I will apologize.

But at the same time I should 'change' my romantic interest and just keep the relation between us as friends. Unless I make a problem of it again.

What do you think?

Your instincts are right. In general, the more excuses someone gives, the more likely they're just fishing for an out. But maybe you pressured her with a bunch of "Why not?s" and "But if you..."

No, I asked once. Next day I got sms with 'I can't because "reasons", "don't have time"'. Called her told her if she didn't want to she could just say no and that we should keep contact. Eh

Let me propose a corollary to the Brad Pitt Rule: If she doesn't volunteer any reason, it's the equivalent of a reason she wouldn't give Brad Pitt. She's just not that into you, and you've been a nosy, annoying, jerk.

If you like her, I'd give it another shot with her.  There's plenty of good reasons to decline a spur-of-the-moment invitation like that.  Maybe she already had a date for Valentine's Day.  Maybe she had other plans and didn't want you just dropping by.  Maybe it was just a fling ... like Shane says.  Maybe she wasn't into you anymore once she got to know you better.

 

Its worth finding out.  If you try again and get a bullshit answer ... you have your answer.

 

The thing is, if I were her, I'm not sure I'd give you another shot.  You're awfully possessive for a guy that isn't even dating this chick.  She didn't abandon you.  She wasn't obligated to you in the first place. 

 

JB

I called her on mobile and apologized then she said she has to take shower and we will talk later on skype.

Well we figured out that we both still 'fancy' each other and I will most likely visit her and go on a date on valentines.

Everything was because of me overreacting and going all emo about it.

Thanks for the wisdom!

Should have had her skype while showering!!!!!

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