Intro:

First post here, I've been a reader of AoM for awhile, and it's helped my life exponentially. Due to the depth and truth I find all over this site, I immediately hold the men who follow and contribute to Art of Manliness in high regard. I was hoping some of you folks could share some advice for the heart-break process, and feel free to share similar experiences, to know I'm not alone. 

 Background Story: 

I was in the most perfect relationship for 3 years, we took each others V-cards and became each others' best friends, confidants and lovers. We became so close that our families had a relationship too, where my family treated her like family, and vice versa. It was awesome, I couldn't believe the young, beautiful lady I loved, loved ME! I could write pages on the good times we shared, but that's not why I'm writing this. 

Basically, it ended when she moved away to college. Fair enough, right? we were far apart, and everyone is so eager to experience the "college life" that society swears is worth it. She went through a complete transformation from the shy, tender and loving girl to the drunk, care-free, college artist. She fucked some random jock, TOLD me about it, and thought it was okay. She even encouraged me to do the same so "we know what it's like to be with other people, and were sure were good for each other." or some shit like that. I didn't buy it, so I broke up with her. We talked and talked and finally ended communication. It's been around 12 weeks and I think about her every single day. Sometimes with a smile, sometimes with a few, private tears.  

I play music, and I was writing a song for her for a very long time. I finally finished it, and I was going to send it to her, along with a sincere letter thanking her for the good times we spent, for all the support she gave me, and asking for forgiveness for all the past wrongs I did her. Basically, an end-all-be-all letter of summary, saying goodbye and thank you, and leaving her with a piece of music that I poured my heart and soul into. I would express everything honorably, and I feel it'd give me closure. 

Solutions: I've been making lots of life changes because of how intense the experience of losing her was to me. I wake up at 5:30am daily and swim/lift everyday before work or class. I read, and I've taken up Art of Manliness' 31-day journal challenge. I started lots of small habits of good hygiene, random acts of kindness, dropping old habits and addictions, and doing a life makeover. All of it helps, I feel like I'm slowly growing in to a man of integrity and discipline, but I'm still haunted by thoughts of her, and regrets and doubts of the relationship. 

Question: So men, my questions are: Should I send that song/letter? I don't know where she is at emotionally or mentally, so would it even impact her? Is that selfish of me? I miss (the old) her so bad, what the fuck do I do? What makes the heart-break go away? I feel the need to 1UP her, financially and success-wise, why? From what I can tell she's doing better with out me, does she even miss me? How do I get over her? 

I know I sound like a whiny little bitch about this, but I'd rather dump this on the internet than further bug my friends and family. People seem to belittle it, saying I'm young, inexperienced and naive. True, but this was real, everything I've stated is my truth. Even if I don't get a single reply, It's helped a lot to be able to vent it. 

Thanks so much for taking time to read and reply, any responses or advice will be greatly appreciated. 

Views: 1203

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I added a reply to this without reading your update on progress. Your story literally described mine almost to a t. 

That's awesome to hear that by following everyone's advice here, you are now doing well for yourself. Trust me, success is the best revenge like Nate said! 

Keep at it man! 

RSS

Latest Activity

Sir replied to Heath Edward O'Donnell's discussion Gaming and Proper Social Actions
"I can't imagine excluding newbies.  Maybe there are others that find it natural."
8 minutes ago
Lumberjoe replied to Heath Edward O'Donnell's discussion Gaming and Proper Social Actions
"Understandably? Why understandably? I can think of plenty of sub-cultures in similar situations that nonetheless welcome noobies so long as the latter demonstrate a certain respect in regards to the sub-culture itself."
19 minutes ago
David F. replied to Brad's discussion I've lost a lot of weight! How should I expect my life to change?
"I have always been on the skinny side.  I just end up with an extra layer on.  It may just be a simple fact that you need a few extra layers. As to friends drifting away.  I hit that when my son was born.  All my friends did not…"
1 hour ago
Pale Horse replied to Heath Edward O'Donnell's discussion Gaming and Proper Social Actions
"+1 There is also, understandably, a culture of exclusion in most fandom-type groups, against great numbers of incoming "fans." Nobody wants their hobby invaded by poseurs and wannabes. This is exacerbated when those wannabes not only think…"
1 hour ago
Lumberjoe replied to Heath Edward O'Donnell's discussion Gaming and Proper Social Actions
"I admit I don't know anything about that. But the movie, on its own, was simply terrible. Not terrible because it was cramming feminism down anyone's throat, though, because IMO that never happened at any point in the movie. It was just…"
2 hours ago
Jack Bauer replied to Heath Edward O'Donnell's discussion Gaming and Proper Social Actions
"With GB, the politics was in the choice of director and the casting, and in the extra-curricular statements and press. Not in the script. Mostly. It certainly wasn't an "assumption", though. It was said outright. JB"
2 hours ago
John Muir replied to Spinne's discussion Music Thread
"For the last several months, I've been listening to music from an organization named "Playing For Change". They promote music education around the world, and cultural interaction. They have a program called "Songs Around The…"
6 hours ago
Lumberjoe replied to Heath Edward O'Donnell's discussion Gaming and Proper Social Actions
""* Politics is a story-killer.  Stories prosper when they're about characters, not when those characters are there to serve an ideology, whatever the ideology is.  I suspect the blowback on the new Ghostbusters! was not just…"
6 hours ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service