Dear husbands,

I am struggling with a decision to make and I thought maybe if you could share your experience that might be helpful. Here's the story:

I am 33 years old and I am thinking of starting dating and then maybe marrying a girl I know. We like each other and there is a good intellectual and spiritual connection between us. However, I have a "physical" dilemma. As I decided to wait with having sex till marriage (and so far managed to), I am very excited by the fact that when I marry, I could finally start my sexual life and I am really looking forward to the pleasures it offers. Though I sticked to Christian life since my childhood, having grown up in a world that made sexual activity a god, I kind of soaked up with all this sexual hype. And thus I have really big expectations, perhaps too big... So here's my dilemma: the girl I mentioned is 34 years old. While I find her physically attractive now, I wonder if this will still be true in 5 years, because of aging of her body. Men are known to stay sexually fit at least till their 50-60's and so I am afraid that after a few years I would not find her physically attractive and it will be difficult for me to have sex with her. I am just worrying, that I end up as a frustrated husband which wouldn’t be good for her and for me.

I know all this may seem funny for you, but for me it's important, before I make a decision to start serious dating. Otherwise maybe I'll just look for a younger wife...

I would appreciate honest replies.
Thank you.

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Sex is great in the beginning - However, marriage is about LOVE not sex. You will be spending time with one girl for a long time - eventually sex won't be everything. For me it ain't - 5 years later - I'm 33 too - heck I'm afraid to even J/O cuz then for one whole day I have no sex drive. Comes right back the second day tho . . . Yeah but it kind of depends on your lady too . . . my wife is beautiful but she needs to shave her asian vag, sometimes she sleeps on the bed and I want to creep in but I see them 4 to 6 inch pubes sticking out and I'm like come on god. Why u doing a playa like this? Yeah  . . . life bra . . . but be grateful and have a postiive attitude - oh yeah going back to your issue - ha (Sorry drifted into mine) - Marriage is about love not sex. Sex eventually dies down. Not completely but it becomes more of a occasional thing rather than regular.

"Sex eventually dies down. Not completely but it becomes more of a occasional thing rather than regular."

Speak for yourself, Bud. At 72 years young and 46 + years of marriage, I can attest that sex with my wife has not died down but has increased in frequency, intensity, and pleasure. Are we the exception? I don't think so. By the way, our love for each other has also increased over the years. Commitment to our marriage vows, to the marriage itself, plus daily maintenance in our communal life in order to combat our ever present selfishness are some of the keys to maintaining great sex right into the golden years.

how important for you, men, is sex in marriage? Is it of key importance? 

It is important. In the top 10 things I care about. But I disagree with JB about it being 80% when not going well... maybe from 10% to 25%. From my personal experience.

Has it the ‘power’ to outweigh the other aspects of marriage?

No. Absolutely not. Any combination of other key things can easily be more important to me - and is. 

But it's way to early to worry about that. Date first. You'll figure out the rest.

In 5 years you should be madly in love with her mind and spirit, that will have a consequence on how you look to her body. Be assured over 5 years you will find her body sexy as hell.

Just wondering, whats your defintion of "dating"? A date can range between a cup of coffee to a citytrip sharing a hotelroom.

I agree 110%!

It really does get better with age.  If I knew then what I know now.

I think if you find her attractive now, then you can still see her as one when you decide to marry her out of love. Would it not be an answer?

In 5 years time, if you still maintain to make your marriage and sex life new and interesting every day then I don't see any problems with her.

I think you are missing the point of what marriage or indeed relationships are all about.

You have not even asked the girl out and you are coldly wondering what sex might be like five years down the line. You have survived until the ripe old age of 33 without having sex EVER !

I'm married for almost 35 years and my wife and I are still crazy about one another, we do most things together and frankly although sex is one of them it is not the most important. We do it when we both feel like it and that is fine but there is a lot more to a good marriage.

I wonder if she is still a virgin at this stage, she hopefully has not been waiting for Mr Right for 34 years.

I should point out that this thread is a year old.  IDK if the member who posted it is still checking.

Hopefully he has learned a lot in the last year about relationships!

My first thought is that you are putting a lot of pressure on this woman.  If she made the same vow as you did, then two innocent virgins, with open minds and hearts can be a beautiful thing, sometimes.   You've had all this time to build up in your imagination of what it will be like - good luck with that.  Hopefully you haven't messed up this imagined reality with porn, but all the images the world offers can land far different than what may occur in a marriage. 

Learn to love the woman for all she is, fall in love with her emotionally, and every inch of her body. Find the parts of her anatomy that are beautiful and ignore what isn't. 

Give her a safe place to put her thoughts and heart, learn her love languages, study her to learn the things that excite her and places she likes to be touched.  It all pays dividends in the bedroom.   Make the bedroom a safe place to explore one another, and what pleasures one another.  Sex is not about you being satisfied, its about satisfying the other, which then brings you far more satisfaction.

Proverbs 5:19 speaks to this - where it says "at all times", can also mean in all seasons or through all your years together.

If you are anticipating her loving you as you age, sag, fart and smell, Then you better be ready to lovingly  do the same for her.

Coach McCarthy, the founder of Promise Keepers, said (my paraphrase)  that in her twenties and thirties a woman is attractive because of the things she does. In her forties  and fifties, its all about what her husband does.  Love her up, smell nice and buy flowers.  Its not a bad thing to have an ulterior motive.


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